SOA please offer advice.

sourcrates

OP,


I find it better to stick to the financial side of things on open forums, and ignore the trolls all together.


Otherwise focus on the real issue can be lost.

Smodlet

kimplus8, you are absolutely correct in what you say about the forum rules and you have every right to report such hateful and judgemental comments as Dird has made. Can only think he/she pronounces their name in a thick, New York accent and has rendered it phonetically... you know how they say "dings" instead of "t'ings"?:D

cms-help

Schools are only allowed to request contributions for school trips. You are not obliged to pay.

At our school, a "governors" cost of 10% is added to every child's cost price (entrance fee plus bus usually) which covers those that don't pay. There will be classes where every parent pays so there is a "slush fund" that can be used to subsidise the cost of other trips.

Our school would help any parent in your situation; please make an appointment to see the Headteachers at each of the schools to discuss.

missbiggles1

PasturesNew wrote: »

Are the kids old enough to walk to school now the weather's nicer? When I was at school my friend and her two brothers (12-15) walked to school the 3 miles across country. No footpaths, no lighting, it was a winding/twisty road. 3 miles isn't that far if "you have to". Back then they had to as there weren't the top up benefits you get nowadays.

£1000 for food is a LOT. You should be able to shave quite a bit off that. Look at the cost of what goes in the bin, portion sizes, the cost of each ingredient and whether it can be omitted or substituted. You need to get a handle on exactly what's bought, why, alternatives, what's eaten, what's wasted. What's "need" and what's "want".

If you get: "My kids only eat organic cheese, they won't eat Lidl/Aldi cheddar at £5/kg". Ok - so they go without then. Bread sandwiches. We used to go without. You get what you're given, eat it or go without.

School trips - just say no. We never used to go on school trips because we couldn't afford it. These days, with social media and 24/7 TV it appears that "everybody" goes on them, but they don't. They're a luxury really.

I agree with most of this but not the last bit, unless you're talking about ski-ing and other "jollies". Essential school trips, like school uniform, is one of the things we should expect parents to pay out of the £70 per week per child that they receive in child related benefits.

[Deleted User]

Could the eldest child walk/cycle to school?

That would save the bus fares, and provide exercise.

EDIT: Beaten to it.

kimplus8

Bedsit_Bob wrote: »

Could the eldest child walk/cycle to school?

That would save the bus fares, and provide exercise.

she will be from sept when she moves over to the high school which is a 30 min walk.:-)

[Deleted User]

Any chance you could move some/all of the children to a closer school, or move house, to be closer to the school?

Goldiegirl

kimplus8 wrote: »

i think you obviously missed the posts that MSE have deleted. They were really horrid and are what other posters are responding to. The children aged 2 and 1 are actually almost 3 and almost 2 (in august).
Like I have said before, i don't expect peole to understand why and I don't wish to air my entire dirty laundry basket, i have already explained above that i met someone and he walked out when i was 3 months pregnant, i couldn't choose to not keep the baby at 14 weeks, i could feel him moving. that's all i can really say about it, I am aware it was incredibly stupid of me to meet someone so soon (18 months) after leaving husband but I was not in a good place, my bipolar was unmedicated and i was a complete mess, i was using contraception but nothing is fool proof.

No, I didn't know there were other posts.


I still think your best way forward is to apply for proper maintenance.


Your ex husband, from what you've said, sounds like a hypocritical, controlling bully.


You're still letting him control you even now, by putting yourself in a position where you need to 'ask' for money. Put it on an official footing, and you won't need to put yourself in this position.



When your new baby is born, apply for maintenance from the baby's father as well

I wish you all the best

FBaby

Reading your entire thread, the issue seem to be that you haven't truly appreciated yet the financial situation you are in. I expect you had a decent life before, one which included a number of luxuries, and you are struggling to accept that in you current situation, it might very well be that you, and your children cannot enjoy these luxuries. Your entertainment budget is totally out of proportion to the rest of your budget. It totally understand that you want to give your children a 'normal' life similar to their friends, but the reality is that you just cannot afford it. The reality is that your income is unlikely to grow much for some time, yet the children are going to cost more and more as will their expectations and you are risking getting into more financial trouble.

The luxury of your family is having each other. Children don't need to do all fancy activities or going on all the school trip. There many free activities they can enjoy together. Crafty hobbies don't need to cost much at all, libraries often organise craft days. At 11, 9 and 8, your children are still young enough to accept that mum cuts their hair.

I think you need to come to terms with how much you can stretched budget and how you are going to need to adapt your lifestyle to it rather than the other way around.

I totally agree with everyone else, you have to pursue getting maintenance from both your exes, however stressful this will be.

You sound like a great mum, bringing up that number of children whilst holding down a job is to be admired. I wish you good luck.

kimplus8

Bedsit_Bob wrote: »

Any chance you could move some/all of the children to a closer school, or move house, to be closer to the school?

We have just moved house and are 20 Mins from our catchment school, but unfortunately there is a huge lack of school spaces and they are all on the waiting ,but some years they are 3rd or 4th on the list. I'm hoping there will be spaces in September as both our catchment schools are forces schools and have a high turnover due to deployment and movement.