Vow Renewal/Blessing

duchy

How many people actually look at their wedding photos after the first year of marriage? Everyone I know (ranges from 5 years to 40) have their albums put away and they never see the light of day.

Why do your children want you to marry again? Most children understand that marriages happen before they arrive .....or is this something to do with so many people not getting married until after having children ?

peachyprice

catkins wrote: »

I would never think that and feel it is pretty nasty to.

Why 'nasty'? It's a perfectly logical conclusion to come to, especially if it's only a short time after the wedding. If the vows a couple said a few years ago haven't been broken why do they need to be renewed?

I can understand it more after many decades, you're not the same people you were 30,40,50 years ago, or after a critical illness/near death experience, that makes far more sense to reaffirm your commitment as the people you now are.

catkins

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Totally different, in that you are saying them again to a new person. Yes, you've broken the 'till death do is part' bit, but it's totally different saying them a fresh to a new person. My point is that I've said them once to my DH, I don't need to say them again as I don't see the point. I meant them first time around and don't need to reinforce them again.

It's just overly sentimental mush IMO. If other people want to do it, then that's great, that's their choice, and I can see why people would want to do it, but it's just not for me.

Also, I think it's bad form to have a whole new "wedding", and then expect gifts, hen nights etc, things where people have to fork out again.

Most people I know don't have "a whole new wedding" and don't expect gift.

If me and OH decided to renew our vows it would be just us and my family.

I don't see it as sentimental mush but then me and OH are still very romantic.

I personally don't see saying vows to a "new person" to be ok. You make your vows to one person and one person only. You can't say "till death to us part" and then get divorced and say those words to another person. It makes getting married and making vows a waste of time and a bit of a mockery. It's different if your husband or wife does although personally I would not re-marry.

Alikay

catkins wrote: »

I personally don't see saying vows to a "new person" to be ok. You make your vows to one person and one person only. You can't say "till death to us part" and then get divorced and say those words to another person. It makes getting married and making vows a waste of time and a bit of a mockery. It's different if your husband or wife does although personally I would not re-marry.

That was true when DH and I married nearly 30 years ago. I was divorced so we had to marry in a Registry Office and no vows were said, just a declaration that we were marrying legally and willingly. I believe that even now, remarriage of divorced people in church is only OK in certain circumstances - it's certainly not a right.

Obviously, 30 happy years down the line, I beg to differ from your opinion that it was a waste of time and a mockery. I am an imperfect human who simply made a poor judgement first time around. I was pleased to be able to try marriage again, legally, but quite accepting of the fact it may offend religious folk, hence no church wedding.

Georgiegirl256

catkins wrote: »

Most people I know don't have "a whole new wedding" and don't expect gift.

If me and OH decided to renew our vows it would be just us and my family.

I don't see it as sentimental mush but then me and OH are still very romantic.

I personally don't see saying vows to a "new person" to be ok. You make your vows to one person and one person only. You can't say "till death to us part" and then get divorced and say those words to another person. It makes getting married and making vows a waste of time and a bit of a mockery. It's different if your husband or wife does although personally I would not re-marry.

The things is, things happen and people do get divorced, it's a fact of life, it happens. I think the vast majority of people would remarry again, and IMO that is not making a mockery of marriage in the slightest. Things just don't work out sometimes, and just because they didn't, I would not deny myself getting married again.

Saying them again to the same person is (IMO) pointless. Like I say, I haven't broken them, and they don't need reaffirming.

duchy

I don't think I'd be comfortable marrying again in church if I'd being the one who had broken the vows but I suppose that if the vow breaker is marrying someone not involved in the split who is marrying for the first time - is it fair that they are prohibited from making the til death promise when they have done nothing wrong ?

psychopathbabble

If you want to have a blessing then go right ahead. It's nothing to do with anyone else and you don't even really have to tell anyone if you aren't inviting anyone to it.

It's the same as weddings... everyone will have an opinion and you can't keep everyone happy so do what you both want and make yourselves happy!

However, if it's purely for photos and a new ring... save some money and just buy a new ring and go and have a family photoshoot somewhere pretty

Alienna

oystercatcher wrote: »

I may well be in the minority but in my mind when people renew their vows I assume it's because there has been a huge problem like unfaithfulness and they are wanting to start again. Otherwise it seems like a huge waste of money . Just my thoughts though.

My parents renewed their vows on their 30th wedding anniversary. It definitely wasn't due to any problems, just to reaffirm their love for one another, and as a marker of 30 years together. Nothing more, nothing less. It was done in the church they got married in, a short ceremony, which was attended by family and friends, and then a pub lunch.

Sadly, the only thing they couldn't recreate was the weather. Being late September, their actual wedding day was glorious warm sunshine. 30 years later, rain. The end of the day did show a nice sunset though!

Out,_Vile_Jelly

My parents got married when they were young and poor; my mum's engagement ring only has semi-precious stones (but in her favourite colour), and their wedding photos are few and low quality. I think they would find the suggestion that because the day wasn't technically "perfect" they need to renew their vows puzzling.

I think the modern obsession with weddings being the most important day of your life (surely the arrival of children instantly supersedes it) and where everything has to be magazine photo-shoot perfect is rather sad.

onlyroz

To me, photos that are taken on a day other than the actual wedding aren't "wedding photos" and I would feel fraudulent in claiming that they were. If you want some nice family photos then why not just hire a professional and get some taken? If you want a party then why not do one for your next wedding anniversary? I also don't get why you need to re-make a vow that you haven't broken.