1st time pregnancy - Head Vs Heart

Alikay

I'd simplify the wedding plans and bring the date forward, then try for a baby as a married couple. Its quite easy to have a low-key and inexpensive wedding without necessarily having a massive cull of the guest list (unless you wanted to ).

Tiddlywinks

LittleOne wrote: »

I'm on the verge of buying a house and feeling very broody. Would love to get married but no idea how we could ever afford it unless we do something quite small and intimate. We'll probably be trying for a baby before we ever get married.

I will never understand how people can say they can't afford to get married yet can afford to have a baby.

Which is likely to be more expensive?

Getting married is only as expensive as your tastes for pomp and ceremony.

skimper

We've already been engaged a year haha. We gave it so long as we've only just bought a house and it needs decorating, think artexed and woodchip walls in every room and thought we would need more time.

We're lucky that my dad is paying for most of the wedding, but I am looking to do it on the cheap side. I'd rather make everything myself to save costs etc. It wasn't that we needed 3 years till the wedding but just had other things to pay for and sort out first.

We always said after the wedding we will have kids, so wanted the house and a bigger car sorted first.

The venue is already booked for the wedding but I think I might look in to seeing if they have any earlier dates available.

sweetilemon

I absolutely loved my wedding day. We got engaged in 2010 and married 2012 so I get the 2 year thing! I could no way have justified the money I spent on our wedding if I was pregnant or had my baby then though. It meant we had the wedding and honeymoon we wanted as it was just the 2 of us.

I did like my baby having the same name as both myself and husband, also being married on her birth certificate. When I had my baby (march 16) all I wanted to focus on was my baby and would not have liked the distraction of wedding planning or that stress during my pregnancy. With breastfeeding, the furthest i got was a cafe, nevermind a wedding. Unfortunately my baby took ill at 3 weeks and we spent a week in ICU and 2 days in a hospice before she passed away from meningitis. I was also in hospital a full week for being induced and recovering from my emergency c-section. Hopefully you wouldn't have to go through that but it's worth remembering you could have your baby early/late/ need time to recover. When my baby was born, nothing else in the world mattered, it was the best feeling in the world. The indignity of the birth I was glad to be married!! Also glad he didn't have that image pre-marriage lol. I'm glad I had the 'couple' time of our wedding and honeymoon although have always desperately wanted children.

There is no right time and planning these things isn't an exact science but you can consider the options. I'm 28 btw

Tiddlywinks

skimper wrote: »

We've already been engaged a year haha. We gave it so long as we've only just bought a house and it needs decorating, think artexed and woodchip walls in every room and thought we would need more time.

It is possible to get married, move into a house and then decorate it - in that order.

There's no law that says you have to have everything before you get married... in fact, it used to be that you got married and then set everything up from there.

missbiggles1

skimper wrote: »

We've already been engaged a year haha. We gave it so long as we've only just bought a house and it needs decorating, think artexed and woodchip walls in every room and thought we would need more time.

We're lucky that my dad is paying for most of the wedding, but I am looking to do it on the cheap side. I'd rather make everything myself to save costs etc. It wasn't that we needed 3 years till the wedding but just had other things to pay for and sort out first.

We always said after the wedding we will have kids, so wanted the house and a bigger car sorted first.

The venue is already booked for the wedding but I think I might look in to seeing if they have any earlier dates available.

Why couldn't you get married and then do the house up?

onlyroz

I don't get why you're having such a long engagement (2 years - wow) but if you're going to get married then I think babies should come after unless there is some pressing need to hurry (e.g. fertility issues). Doesn't sound like that's the case with you so I'd wait.

justme111

skimper wrote: »

Both me and my fianc! are getting really broody & starting to think about having our first child.

We have been together 3 years & own our own house (does need a bit of modernising), we have little debt (Phones, Car & sofa) & have worked out the finances & we could afford a child.

The only thing that's telling me to wait is, we are getting married in 1 year 9 months, which we need to save for. By waiting we would have an extra £130 a month as the car & Sofa will be paid off & also have a little bit in savings to cover the lower income. Though we do have some savings now.

What did you first decide to have your first? is there ever a right time?

It is nothing to do with head or heart. I assume you meant heart wants a child but head says it is better to save for a wedding ?
I am not sure why your head may think it is better to save for a wedding , it is far from certain. Why would you need/want a wedding , why in 1 and a half years , why would you want to pay the amount of money which is significant for you for it , why would you want to do it in advance rather than loan ?
So it is basically not head versus heart but priorities. Which are only yours and your partner's to decide on.
Good luck with life together

Mrshaworth2b

What's the rush? Have your wedding, build your savings, enjoy married life whilst trying for a baby.

Or bring the wedding forward and not have aa much savings as you wanted?

Or try now and have a small baby to watch at the wedding and hope that you can have some one watch the baby at the do so that you can actually enjoy the day.

I was 5 months pregnant at my wedding. We decided to get married in June (sorted the date in Jan) we found out I was pregnant in March. We were already doing a quick wedding so went ahead. We decided on a quick ish wedding because we wanted another baby and our first was old enough to enjoy the day and be looked after by grandparents. Didn't count on getting up duff that quick.

enthusiasticsaver

Personally I wanted to be married before having children and have our own house but our wedding was not a big affair and took 6 months to organise. Engaged in December 1981 and married in July 1982, bought first house in 1983 and first baby 3 years later after house done up in March 1986.

I think you need to decide whether a big fancy wedding is more important to you at this point as babies are even more expensive so doing both at the same time is financially difficult from my experience. Is there any reason why you are waiting 2 years? That is a long time between engagement and wedding. Can you not bring it forward a year?