1st time pregnancy - Head Vs Heart

skimper

Both me and my fianc! are getting really broody & starting to think about having our first child.

We have been together 3 years & own our own house (does need a bit of modernising), we have little debt (Phones, Car & sofa) & have worked out the finances & we could afford a child.

The only thing that's telling me to wait is, we are getting married in 1 year 9 months, which we need to save for. By waiting we would have an extra £130 a month as the car & Sofa will be paid off & also have a little bit in savings to cover the lower income. Though we do have some savings now.

What did you first decide to have your first? is there ever a right time?

DigForVictory

Depends on how bad the debt is & whether your families mind about a bulging bride. The debt doesn't sound gruesome by MSE standards & you've plans, so it slightly depends on how much of a risk taker you both are.

As waddling up the aisle at 8 months & ticking is probably not quite how you both envisioned your special day. On the other hand, if you don't start inviting the young person to join you, then you won't find out as quickly whether or not there may be any problems.

I'll not ask how old you are but that may influence your decision to prioritise the hoped for offspring over a wedding. Besides which, there's nothing wrong with an intimate registry office do with a stonking family party & christening later. Just the wearer of the long white may not be you!

skimper

If we did decide to go ahead then I would put a 3 month time on it, and say if it didnt happen within then, then we would wait till after the wedding. As you say I definitely don't want to be waddling down the isle.

I'm only 27, so would be 29 after the wedding so time is on our side.

hazyjo

OMG 2 years of planning a wedding?! Sounds like hell lol (I've done it twice before within months). Am sure you've heard it (or won't want to hear it ), but, unless you've booked some grand venue or St Paul's, do you really need such a big day? Why don't you do it in under a year and then try for a baby?


Jx

hazyjo

PS not even the 'not waddling down the aisle' bit - but you don't want to be trying to enjoy your day while worrying about baby sick down your dress, or screaming during the ceremony, or breast feeding


Jx

G3.

Get up the spout and have a shotgun wedding. Worked in the old days.

spadoosh

Was in a similar situation to you recently.

Our baby is due in july, we where due to get married in july. Now its june, next year.

Wasnt really a decision. Stopped being too cautious some years ago but when there wasnt a baby being made there was a bit of silent worry from bot of us. Just plodded on, started to plan and book the wedding when she tried a pee stick.

Number of reasons why we moved the wedding (mainly decided by the boss). Due date and wedding where super close, days apart.... perfect timing. Didnt want to waddle down the aisle (she said she wouldnt be someone who waddles anyway:rotfl: still a couple months to go!:rotfl:) And lastly and probably the most important point. "Aint no way im not having a drink on my wedding day!" o and she had already bought the dress (pre mahoosive belly of course!).

Best bit is we're going to have a baby bridesmaid! The mission is to try and have her walking in 11 months :cool:

Person_one

I'd wait until after the wedding, time is definitely on your side, your finances will be better, you'll have made that big legal commitment to each other, and a wedding with a child under a year old would not be anything like as much fun as a wedding where you can let your hair down, have a drink, and then go off on honeymoon alone to start trying.

pigpen

My daughters BIL had a 'shotgun wedding' a couple of weeks ago.. they've been together 5 months.. it was originally booked for 2nd November, 3 days after the due date.. so they moved the wedding..

No, there is never a 'right time' for a child.. but a lot to consider.

I'd bring the wedding forward.. 2 years is a stupid time away.. and start trying after that... Or forget the wedding altogether.

euronorris

You could always do as we did: decide to get married, set the wedding date for 5 months time, keep it small and fairly cheap (but still lovely) and then start trying soon after. We were very lucky and fell pregnant the first month of trying as well.


It really depends on whether you are happy to wait, how important being married before baby comes along is to you (it was very important to me) and how big of do/how much money you want to spend on the wedding.


Have you already saved for the wedding, or is part of the reason it's almost 2 years away because you need time to save?

Person_one

pigpen wrote: »

My daughters BIL had a 'shotgun wedding' a couple of weeks ago.. they've been together 5 months.. it was originally booked for 2nd November, 3 days after the due date.. so they moved the wedding..

So they got together in January, she got pregnant early in February and they were already engaged with a wedding actually planned and booked before they knew about the pregnancy so presumably early/mid March at the latest, less than 3 months after meeting?

I hope it all works out, but that's insanely fast, not something anybody would recommend surely?