1st time pregnancy - Head Vs Heart

LittleOne

As they say, there is never a right time! I would forget about the money and just consider whether you want a child now or are happy to wait that long before trying to get pregnant. Or alternatively, as other posters have suggested, bring the date forward if you can?


I'm on the verge of buying a house and feeling very broody. Would love to get married but no idea how we could ever afford it unless we do something quite small and intimate. We'll probably be trying for a baby before we ever get married.

Brighton_belle

LittleOne wrote: »

Would love to get married but no idea how we could ever afford it unless we do something quite small and intimate.

And that's how generations of people have managed it - the desire for marriage being more important than a big bash they can't afford. In the past, (pre 70's?) when people talked of 'saving to get married' they actually meant saving to have the money to set up house as a couple/pay rent etc, not the costs of a big wedding with all the trimmings.
Small and intimate is wonderful, though I am biased as that is what we did. But we love being married to each other. It felt very different to us from living together (and yes I know not everyone feels that) so to have put that wonderful experience off for a few years to save and save for one big day seems rather sad to me.


OP if you want marriage, which you seem to, I would definitely do that before starting your family: then you have all the legal protections of marriage when you have children, and no stress about 'losing the baby weight'/planning a wedding on minimal sleep.
I'd bring the wedding forward though, and not wait another couple of years. Why wait - if you are ready to have a baby together, you are clearly ready for a life commitment together.

pigpen

Person_one wrote: »

So they got together in January, she got pregnant early in February and they were already engaged with a wedding actually planned and booked before they knew about the pregnancy so presumably early/mid March at the latest, less than 3 months after meeting?

I hope it all works out, but that's insanely fast, not something anybody would recommend surely?

yes.. we think they are insane too.


They were engaged 2 weeks after getting together and had a wedding booked after 6 weeks.. she had had her dress for several year prior to this.. then moved the wedding to the beginning of May with the pregnancy being announced.. we were expecting a 'miscarriage' the week after the wedding

Lioness_Twinkletoes

Personally I'd want to really enjoy my wedding and honeymoon so would bring the plans forward by a year. Get married, have a great honeymoon and then have a baby.

missbiggles1

I'm a traditionalist - get married first.

74jax

I would get married first.

Kynthia

I went to a wedding where the couple had two children, and the youngest was so clingy and upset that the bride or groom had to carry her during the whole reception. Not even grandma could help as the child was so upset at being separated. The couple barely had a first dance.

I think it would be much better to bring the wedding forward rather than have it after a baby if you don't want to wait. You might feel the wedding is an extravagance you can no longer afford once you've gone through maternity leave and have a child to provide for. It's so hard to organise anything once you have a small one. There's more stress and brides often want to look their best and worry about baby weight. Do you leave your child for a week or two, or take them on a very different honeymoon from what you dreamed of? Plus you might prefer being married on your child's birth certificate, as the dad can't register the birth when you're unmarried and you are meant to re - register the child if you later marry each other.

jjj1980

When my ex and I got engaged, we booked the wedding for just over a year later. We had said we wanted children but I had always wanted to be married before having children.


Just over 4 months before the wedding, I woke one morning and just "knew" that something was different and despite having been taking the Pill the whole time, with no missed or late tablets, a pregnancy test that day showed I was expecting! The first thing that entered my mind was that my dress would either need adapting or changing completely. Then panic set in as the team I worked on had been told the day before that we were under redundancy consultation. A day after finding out I was pregnant, I was told I was being made redundant!


So no, I don't think there is ever a "right" time. There are times that are better suited but I have no regrets about being pregnant on the wedding day. If anything, seeing the pictures afterwards, I was a little disappointed that my dress hid the (admittedly tiny) bump so well there was no way anyone could tell I was expecting.

TamVilla80

Personally for me I regret waiting and being sensible to make sure we were financially overly stable first, but don't regret waiting until after we were married because I'm too traditionalist and didn't want to be the first in our family to have a baby before we were married (no problem with anyone that does, could just hear my Nan tutting at me in my head haha)
When we did start it took over 3 years to get pregnant because it turns out I have fertility issues so I regret not starting sooner. I lost my son last year and I'm now pregnant again and unemployed (because my employer's were evil about me losing my son-but thats another story) but I really didn't / couldn't plan for any of that happening!

What I think I'm trying to say is go with what your heart says, sometimes your head is a bit too sensible and it doesn't know everything that might happen. If it's meant to happen it will and you can cope with whatever does happen. Good luck x

Tiddlywinks

Do you really need nearly two years to organise a wedding?

It's all about your priorities and what would make your life more fulfilled.

A big wedding that takes two years to plan and then the actually event is over in just one day or having a child that will be a part of your family forever.... your choice.