Workplace attraction - advice needed

Nodding_Donkey

OP just pull up your big boy pants and ask her out for a drink. You can't lose.

Either:

She goes out with you...............................Win
She knocks you back so you can forget about her and find someone else ...................................Win

G3.

Office Christmas Party, when the booze is flowing. Or is that too long to wait.

See if she's the type to shag somebody behind the filing cabinet, or photocopy her boobs and fax them to head office. You don't want to hook up with the office bike.

Ancel

It depends on company police at your work. I mean if this is against the rules, maybe it is better to leave things be.
However, if it is appropriate, you should try to make a contact with her, see how she will respond. You may try to keep talking to her for some while and then make your move and ask her out.

[Deleted User]

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Any time that's not patently not the wrong time.

We make excuses not to ask the question. But unless she looks stressed by work, is surrounded by a crowd or is clearly busy, just go for it.

The post above that talks about putting yourself on her radar is decent. Get yourself to the coffee area when she's there. Smile (not inanely, but a smile scores points), say something meaningless like "how's your day going?" and some sort of conversation begins.

Go with the flow and then a simple "How would you like a drink sometime after work?" ... you might discover her fianc!, lesbian lover, her preference for taller men or an enthusiasm for the idea that makes your heart leap. Rejection is no big deal. You've complimented her and that's nice. Don't look like your world has collapsed, just say "no problem, let me know if you change your mind" - she probably won't change her mind and you move on and all those intense feeling rapidly fade.

Acceptance and you follow up with a "when's best for you?" ... have a decent place in mind (somewhere that will be quiet enough to talk, but not dead enough to feel like a morgue) because your next line will hopefully be something like "Great, do you know Carlo's Bar? How about 7.30pm on Tuesday then?" - don't offer her choices. She's worrying about the time it'll take to do her hair and makeup and doesn't want to be burdened with choosing a venue. Make sure you exchange numbers.

While at request stage I'd just stick to "drink", using a bar that does food or snacks is great because because once there, if she's still interesting after half an hour, you can suggest a bite to eat and lengthen the encounter.

Between agreeing the date and going on the date don't text her or talk to her about it unless she raises the subject. If she messages you respond positively but briefly. Don't start telling her your life story by text.

I'd also suggest not messaging to confirm the date with her on the day. She'll probably message you which, after a deliberate few minutes pause, you reply with "Of course I'll be there. Let's meet outside Carlo's at 7.30pm then. I'm looking forward to it." and leave it there.

You're in a seriously good place. If you find out she's not interested you've practiced your technique for the next lucky lady. If she is interested, have a sensible venue in mind, let her choose the time and take it from there.

--

She's just a woman. She wants to be admired and enjoys being complimented. You may not be her type but she will not be offended by the compliment of being asked out. Rejection doesn't make you any less of a man. Quite the opposite. Just move on quickly if it comes and don't bother with "pursuit" mode as a reaction to rejection. Just leave the door open for her to pursue you if she changes her mind.

I'm heading towards 50 and recently divorced. In my younger years I was useless with the ladies.

I've dated more women in the last nine months than the rest of my life put together (not big numbers), most via online dating. While I've had to do a lot of the work on the initial contact (and come to accept being ignored or rejected as an occupational hazard that no longer bothers me) I've come to realise that once rapport is in place a woman who's genuinely interested will do the work for you.

When I've messaged repeatedly, they've lost interest quickly, replies getting shorter until they stop.

When I've waited for them to message or call me it's been a lot easier to progress to "great to hear from you, when would you like to meet up?". It works.

I don't think I've met "the one" yet though. But most have wanted to see me again after a first date with very little effort on my part. It's reassuring but beyond that it's been a genuinely educating time for me.

I've learned not to waste time on women who aren't interested in me. To give women time to decide that they are interested in me once communication has commenced. And not to bug the hell out of her with excessive messaging once I'm infatuated (it quickly puts her off).

I'm not an expert. I hope I don't stay in the dating game long enough to become an expert. But with a bit of trial and error I'm discovering it's all a lot easier than I ever thought it would be.

Stay confident. Keep smiling. Go for it.

I will take that advice on board - I could have done with this 12 months ago when I started out lol! Thanks for taking the time with the detailed responses it has helped a lot.

hazyjo

If someone literally asked me out in an office environment, I'd be soooooo embarrassed, especially if others could hear. I blush when my male friend at work suggests a drink lol.


Go out on a work thing and make sure you leave together. Start saying about it being a bit dodgy her going home on her own and take her number and say please text me when you get back so I know you're safe/can stop worrying - something like that. She'll know you're interested. When she texts, make sure you reply with a question. If she's keen, she'll chat. If not, she'll be blunt. You could always suggest a phone chat if it gets into a bit of text-tennis.


Yes it is a bit like back at school lol - but when it's work colleagues, that's exactly how I think you need to be or it gets VERY awkward!


Baby steps... test the water...


Good luck


Jx

Angry_Bear

hazyjo wrote: »

If someone literally asked me out in an office environment, I'd be soooooo embarrassed, especially if others could hear. I blush when my male friend at work suggests a drink lol.


Go out on a work thing and make sure you leave together. Start saying about it being a bit dodgy her going home on her own and take her number and say please text me when you get back so I know you're safe/can stop worrying - something like that. She'll know you're interested. When she texts, make sure you reply with a question. If she's keen, she'll chat. If not, she'll be blunt. You could always suggest a phone chat if it gets into a bit of text-tennis.


Yes it is a bit like back at school lol - but when it's work colleagues, that's exactly how I think you need to be or it gets VERY awkward!


Baby steps... test the water...


Good luck


Jx

Just to point out again that everyone is different, the "schooly-ness" of the above would put me right off!
Not to mention the text thing - I hate "text chatting" (I don't really like phonecalls either, much prefer face to face) and always cut people off but that doesn't mean I don't like someone.

I'm not saying Hazyjo is wrong, just that as always, YMMV.

hazyjo

The dating game is a funny ol' business innit lol.


As above, not everyone will be chatty in a text. And things can be misunderstood or read into (I'm guilty of it).


Arghhhh!


Good luck

[Deleted User]

hazyjo wrote: »

If someone literally asked me out in an office environment, I'd be soooooo embarrassed, especially if others could hear. I blush when my male friend at work suggests a drink lol.


Go out on a work thing and make sure you leave together. Start saying about it being a bit dodgy her going home on her own and take her number and say please text me when you get back so I know you're safe/can stop worrying - something like that. She'll know you're interested. When she texts, make sure you reply with a question. If she's keen, she'll chat. If not, she'll be blunt. You could always suggest a phone chat if it gets into a bit of text-tennis.


Yes it is a bit like back at school lol - but when it's work colleagues, that's exactly how I think you need to be or it gets VERY awkward!


Baby steps... test the water...


Good luck


Jx

Thanks I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself! Work dos are rare but they do happen occasionally.


As PeacefulWaters and Andrew has mentioned, it is probably best to put myself on her radar and try to “scope” opportunities.

bluelass

Could you not meet someone outside of your work place?.
It would be less complicated and is this lady single?.
The person who made the phrase never mix business with pleasure obviously knew what they were talking about, and it is good advice.

burlington6

You've waited too long.

Next time ask them out for a drink. If she says yes, great.....if she says no you won't waste another year thinking about someone who isn't interested.