Workplace attraction - advice needed

PeacefulWaters

pg81 wrote: »

I have no interest of being friend zoned! Just need to find the opportunity and courage to ask her now

Worst scenario: she's not into you and declines, but is flattered you asked. You say "that's a shame, let me know if you change your mind" and accept it isn't going to happen. Your crush dissipates over the next few days, you're free of that yearning feeling and you can get on with your life and make yourself available to other lucky ladies.

Best scenario, you've scored within a week.

Just go for it.

Video tips:
https://youtu.be/mTqS9Z-qIG8

[Deleted User]

MallyGirl wrote: »

I also met my husband through work. We have been together now for nearly 22 years, married for 16. After we had been dating and living together for 2 or 3 years I moved company as it is healthy to have some time apart.

What a lovely story! That is a long time I agree everybody needs their alone time!

[Deleted User]

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

I'm getting married to my workplace crush

My advice? Professional Stealth Stalking.

"What the hell is that?" It's where to strategically place yourself in a position where your target will bump into you or be in a position to strike up a innocent conversation.

"Is it legal?" Yes

"So, how is it done?" Well,firs of all I noticed you mentioned in your opening post that you notice when she takes a glance at you and you feel the feeling may be mutual. Get that thought out of your head. She has probably noticed you looking at her before as is checking whether you are looking. Being a male, we automatically think that she wants to take us back to her place after work, get married the week after and kids the week after that.

Back on topic, make mental notes of her movements and routine. Get an idea about when she goes for lunch, gets up for a coffee etc. For example, I would get a good idea when my girlfriend was going for a coffee. I'll either innocently go into the small canteen after she did and try to get her attention. Or, which takes real skill, get there a minute or 2 before her and let her "bump" into you.

Mutual friends is another thing, trying to get into that crowd.

So many ways and so many personal successes. Would be interesting to know a little more about the dynamics of your workplace, whether she is in the same department etc.

That's cool, congratulations on your upcoming marriage! :T
I think the 'stalking' suggestion might be a bit overkill lol. As for the 'glancing' part - I have been shot down on that by 3-4 posters so that thought is out of my system.
Thanks for the advice

[Deleted User]

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Worst scenario: she's not into you and declines, but is flattered you asked. You say "that's a shame, let me know if you change your mind" and accept it isn't going to happen. Your crush dissipates over the next few days, you're free of that yearning feeling and you can get on with your life and make yourself available to other lucky ladies.

Best scenario, you've scored within a week.

Just go for it.

Video tips:
https://youtu.be/mTqS9Z-qIG8

Sound advice - much appreciated for the video link some good pointers. Not to try and over complicate the situation when would be the right opportunity to ask her?

phatbear

Due to my job ive always struggled to meet people other than at work so all, bar one, of my relationships have been work based.

They have their ups and downs of course the main negative is if you arent sure you may just keep plodding along for fear of the fallout at work, conversely it may make you work a tad harder at the relationship......

Anyway my current girlfriend who is currently sitting 20foot away from at work and shes 12 years my junior.

As stated by others i would try and put myself in a social position and try and start a conversation you may have something in common and go on from there.

G3.

Just don't do what some sillybollox on here did and start shagging your boss. It all ended in tears (whoddathunkit) and she "couldn't go back to work" because he was there and was being all mean to her..

PeacefulWaters

pg81 wrote: »

Sound advice - much appreciated for the video link some good pointers. Not to try and over complicate the situation when would be the right opportunity to ask her?

Any time that's not patently not the wrong time.

We make excuses not to ask the question. But unless she looks stressed by work, is surrounded by a crowd or is clearly busy, just go for it.

The post above that talks about putting yourself on her radar is decent. Get yourself to the coffee area when she's there. Smile (not inanely, but a smile scores points), say something meaningless like "how's your day going?" and some sort of conversation begins.

Go with the flow and then a simple "How would you like a drink sometime after work?" ... you might discover her fianc!, lesbian lover, her preference for taller men or an enthusiasm for the idea that makes your heart leap. Rejection is no big deal. You've complimented her and that's nice. Don't look like your world has collapsed, just say "no problem, let me know if you change your mind" - she probably won't change her mind and you move on and all those intense feeling rapidly fade.

Acceptance and you follow up with a "when's best for you?" ... have a decent place in mind (somewhere that will be quiet enough to talk, but not dead enough to feel like a morgue) because your next line will hopefully be something like "Great, do you know Carlo's Bar? How about 7.30pm on Tuesday then?" - don't offer her choices. She's worrying about the time it'll take to do her hair and makeup and doesn't want to be burdened with choosing a venue. Make sure you exchange numbers.

While at request stage I'd just stick to "drink", using a bar that does food or snacks is great because because once there, if she's still interesting after half an hour, you can suggest a bite to eat and lengthen the encounter.

Between agreeing the date and going on the date don't text her or talk to her about it unless she raises the subject. If she messages you respond positively but briefly. Don't start telling her your life story by text.

I'd also suggest not messaging to confirm the date with her on the day. She'll probably message you which, after a deliberate few minutes pause, you reply with "Of course I'll be there. Let's meet outside Carlo's at 7.30pm then. I'm looking forward to it." and leave it there.

You're in a seriously good place. If you find out she's not interested you've practiced your technique for the next lucky lady. If she is interested, have a sensible venue in mind, let her choose the time and take it from there.

--

She's just a woman. She wants to be admired and enjoys being complimented. You may not be her type but she will not be offended by the compliment of being asked out. Rejection doesn't make you any less of a man. Quite the opposite. Just move on quickly if it comes and don't bother with "pursuit" mode as a reaction to rejection. Just leave the door open for her to pursue you if she changes her mind.

I'm heading towards 50 and recently divorced. In my younger years I was useless with the ladies.

I've dated more women in the last nine months than the rest of my life put together (not big numbers), most via online dating. While I've had to do a lot of the work on the initial contact (and come to accept being ignored or rejected as an occupational hazard that no longer bothers me) I've come to realise that once rapport is in place a woman who's genuinely interested will do the work for you.

When I've messaged repeatedly, they've lost interest quickly, replies getting shorter until they stop.

When I've waited for them to message or call me it's been a lot easier to progress to "great to hear from you, when would you like to meet up?". It works.

I don't think I've met "the one" yet though. But most have wanted to see me again after a first date with very little effort on my part. It's reassuring but beyond that it's been a genuinely educating time for me.

I've learned not to waste time on women who aren't interested in me. To give women time to decide that they are interested in me once communication has commenced. And not to bug the hell out of her with excessive messaging once I'm infatuated (it quickly puts her off).

I'm not an expert. I hope I don't stay in the dating game long enough to become an expert. But with a bit of trial and error I'm discovering it's all a lot easier than I ever thought it would be.

Stay confident. Keep smiling. Go for it.

Detroit

I deliberately used the term frowned upon rather than banned.
Obviously there is legislation to protect a person's private life, but we were talking about a private matter taking place in a professional setting.
Many employers do not like relationships between their staff, due to the complications they can cause, examples on this thread, and may, fairly or not, look less favourably on those who engage in them.
Of course they couldn't then overtly treat people differently, but I think it's reasonable to say that there are many more subtle ways that going against an employers wishes can result in negative impact, and these can be very difficult to prove as unfair or illegal.
For some people being perceived favourably by their employer is very important, and if the OP is one of them, this may have been a consideration.
As it is, there are no issues about relationships in the OPs workplace, but
not knowing this, thought it worth a mention.

NewShadow

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

She's just a woman. She wants to be admired and enjoys being complimented. You may not be her type but she will not be offended by the compliment of being asked out. Rejection doesn't make you any less of a man. Quite the opposite. Just move on quickly if it comes and don't bother with "pursuit" mode as a reaction to rejection. Just leave the door open for her to pursue you if she changes her mind.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

As woman... this could be so insulting, but also so right!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

PeacefulWaters

NewShadow wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

As woman... this could be so insulting, but also so right!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Sorry!!!!!