Very Upset and Advice Needed Please

FBaby

Some people are louder and others are not! I'm a shouter...when all attempts to get my children to get on with my quiet requests have fallen on dead ears. They know that when I start shouting, I mean business and things then get done. I don't need to shout as much as I used to, there has been a learning process over the years, but they still suffer from teenage selective hearing syndrome at time!

Take a trip to Italy and you'll see that shouting is pretty much part of family life! I have friends who shout and some who don't and all children have grown to be well-balanced.

Of course, not talking about constant shouting, and certainly not cursing like MrGenerous described though.

tea_lover

FBaby wrote: »

Some people are louder and others are not! I'm a shouter...when all attempts to get my children to get on with my quiet requests have fallen on dead ears. They know that when I start shouting, I mean business and things then get done. I don't need to shout as much as I used to, there has been a learning process over the years, but they still suffer from teenage selective hearing syndrome at time!

Take a trip to Italy and you'll see that shouting is pretty much part of family life! I have friends who shout and some who don't and all children have grown to be well-balanced.

Of course, not talking about constant shouting, and certainly not cursing like MrGenerous described though.

Exactly, and the point is that no one else knows what goes on in someone else's house. There's a huge difference between a mistaken report and a malicious report.

If people are able to hear shouting from outside the OP's house then it could very well be a mistaken report. Personally, I'd far rather have 99 calls like that then have people fear saying anything in the 1% where a child is in danger.

Posters assuming that the call was malicious and telling the OP to get angry is just silly imo.

G3.

surveyqueenuk wrote: »

It's not though. The shouting is loud enough for nosey bastards to hear. Loud enough for others to want to stick their nose in. The adults shout in response to the kids misbehaving. Wouldn't it be more effective to address the kid's behaviour instead and look at techniques for keeping them calmer? Because right now, shouting clearly isn't working.

Yeah let's arrest anyone who shouts at their kids.

surveyqueenuk

G3. wrote: »

Yeah let's arrest anyone who shouts at their kids.

Arrest? Where on earth did I say this?

marisco_2

G3. wrote: »

Holier than thou claptrap.

Tea lover's comment was nothing of the kind. There is a very fine line between raising your voice to a child in an appropriate way to set boundaries and discipline them effectively and to losing it and shouting and screaming at them in a way that scares and harms them emotionally and concerns other adults around you.


In all honesty one person raising a complaint about hearing shouting would not generate a case being opened by children's services. More likely is that several complaints have been received and concern has grown for a child.

Ms_Chocaholic

Meepmeep wrote: »

Very common for any reports to social care to be crossed check with schools. Usually a phone call to say do you have any concerns about welfare of child x - schools will either say no, or yes. Many of the outcomes of serious case reviews (eg child deaths as a result of abuse) say that services / schools/ hospitals need to have some level of joint working. Belt and braces approach.
Whilst I can understand your frustration and upset, and I agree that there are malicious reports, seeing as there is no way of knowing at the outset which is malicious and which isn't, things need to be checked out.
Schools get called loads of times about loads of pupils. If they only sent a letter they can't be taking the report that seriously.
I remember my mum shouting loads when I was growing up - think that's normal to be honest.

It's not common at all for referrals to be cross checked with schools. Schools (and any other agency) can only be contacted with the consent of parents so if parents say no, Children's Services don't contact them. The only proviso is that other agencies can be contacted if the threshold is met for child protection (which it doesn't appear that this case is from what I've read).

G3.

marisco wrote: »

Tea lover's comment was nothing of the kind. There is a very fine line between raising your voice to a child in an appropriate way to set boundaries and discipline them effectively and to losing it and shouting and screaming at them in a way that scares and harms them emotionally and concerns other adults around you.

And you'd know exactly where that fine line is. Being an expert in child psychology and being familiar with the family dynamics of the people involved.

surveyqueenuk

G3. wrote: »

And you'd know exactly where that fine line is. Being an expert in child psychology and being familiar with the family dynamics of the people involved.

Nobody needs to know the first thing about child psychology to know that there's a massive difference between a firm "No", followed with
"Go back upstairs right now"

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team).

FBaby

That's easily defined, but what about a 'for God Sake, will you quit your racket, you're driving me mad and I have enough of it' in a loud voice?

I'm a good parent and have well behaved and happy children. Have I never lost it and told them the above? Oh yes I have, even in public, when I have been at the end of my tether -human-!

The key thing is that it wasn't a regular recurrent and I certainly controlled myself enough to never use the F word (or equivalent).

cte1111

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

It's not common at all for referrals to be cross checked with schools. Schools (and any other agency) can only be contacted with the consent of parents so if parents say no, Children's Services don't contact them. The only proviso is that other agencies can be contacted if the threshold is met for child protection (which it doesn't appear that this case is from what I've read).

I'm interested to read this and wonder where your evidence for this is from?

I had a malicious report made to the NSPCC about me and my children, which they passed on to Children's Services. CS then contacted my daughter's school, who told them that we were very involved parents and they had no concerns about my daughter's welfare. This seemed appropriate to me. I was obviously very unhappy that my daughter's stepmother had made this untrue complaint but understand that complaints have to be looked into.

I certainly didn't have permission asked before they contacted my daughter's school, I wouldn't have objected if they did though. I'd rather we were made to feel uncomfortable with a pointless investigation than a child was potentially left in an abusive situation because people felt too awkward to look into a problem.