Very Upset and Advice Needed Please

Person_one

avogadro wrote: »

It is if the accuser is lying.

I think harassment requires an ongoing issue. One malicious accusation would just be that, one malicious accusation. Which we have no reason to think this is.

Most people are not terrible people, I really hope reading threads like this doesn't put people off reporting if they are genuinely concerned.

Person_one

avogadro wrote: »

Baby Peter was visited 60 times by social services yet the child was not taken out of the home environment. Doctors failed to report that he had a broken back and bruises and didn't want to examine him because he 'appeared fractious'.

The horrific catalogue of errors made in that particular case is no reason to justify turning people into malicious informers of completely innocent parents.

There are many many more cases every year where timely reporting of concerns by schools, hospitals, neighbours or others has resulted in children being protected and in struggling families getting help.

Again, why are you assuming the report is malicious?

theoretica

Have you seen this news article? One in five children apparently get referred to social services. While this is obviously a major and upsetting thing for you, to the school and professionals it will almost certainly be 'another waste of time'.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-36377293

Gavin83

fierystormcloud wrote: »

If they investigate anything and you are proven to be innocent, then the accusing party should be revealed, and named as a nasty stirring trouble maker.

Won't happen and it shouldn't happen either. It will put off genuine people with concerns from reporting their issues. It would only be a matter of time before a child dies from parental abuse with the public saying 'why did no one report this?'

There are always negatives from alienating people from getting involved.

groovy_chick

Dear BP

I totally empathise with how shocked you feel. I have no doubt that you are a great Mum and understand that it is so hurtful to think that someone is questioning the safety of your children.

My precious 13 year old daughter suffers from depression, which causes her to self-harm. I know all about this, I watch her every movement and feel her changing emotions like my own heartbeat, but on two occasions now, other parents have reported to school and to social services that they are concerned about her.

I think I felt like you do initially, but after speaking to Social Services I realised that it's just people caring about other people and not a personal attack on me. If there was a child that was actually at risk, I would hope that someone would report it and save them. It only took one phone call with Social Services to reassure them that I care deeply about my daughter and that I know what is going on with her. They gave me helpful advice and there has been no intrusion or guilt trip since then.

I hope you can take comfort that hopefully it is just someone who cares enough to check, even if it has been misguided towards you, maybe one day they will save someone. If it was someone being nasty or vindictive then who cares, the Social Services are clued up enough to recognise a good parent when they see one.

I hope it all works out ok.

Take care

x

System

Person_one wrote: »

Most people are not terrible people, I really hope reading threads like this doesn't put people off reporting if they are genuinely concerned.

Unlikely. What would put people off reporting would be fear of ramifications (comebacks from the violent parent) , or of making the situation worse for the child/ren.

No innocent parent should be subjected to such a Kafka-esque scenario as the OP has described. Google 'malicious reporting to social services' and pages of results come up, which suggests that the practice is becoming widespread and the issue really needs addressing.

Person_one

avogadro wrote: »

No innocent parent should be subjected to such a Kafka-esque scenario as the OP has described.

A letter and a phone conversation where reassurance was provided?

Ms_Chocaholic

avogadro wrote: »

Unlikely. What would put people off reporting would be fear of ramifications (comebacks from the violent parent) , or of making the situation worse for the child/ren.

No innocent parent should be subjected to such a Kafka-esque scenario as the OP has described. Google 'malicious reporting to social services' and pages of results come up, which suggests that the practice is becoming widespread and the issue really needs addressing.

So how do you think referrals to Children's Services should be dealt with (this is a purely hypothetical situation and not based at all on OP's case but these type of situations do crop up).

Picture this .... a new family have moved into your street, you have witnessed the mother being violent to other neighbours and her own children. What do you do?

surveyqueenuk

Person_one wrote: »

I wouldn't assume this is malicious, its far more likely that somebody is well meaning and is just genuinely worried about the children having heard a lot of shouting and crying, even if that is because they've misread the situation or have got the wrong end of the stick because they can't see the whole picture

This was my first thought too. Noise. Especially with the children being described as "very over-excitable". It's clearly someone who lives very close by and they can obviously hear what is going on inside your house. Both you and the children are shouting loud enough that it can be heard by strangers.

If all I could hear coming from a house nearby was screaming and shouting then I'd be on the phone to SS too. I'd rather be wrong and face the wrath than be forever worrying about the children. Imagine how those people who didn't report Baby P must be feeling. I bet they are wracked with guilt every single day.

Meepmeep

Very common for any reports to social care to be crossed check with schools. Usually a phone call to say do you have any concerns about welfare of child x - schools will either say no, or yes. Many of the outcomes of serious case reviews (eg child deaths as a result of abuse) say that services / schools/ hospitals need to have some level of joint working. Belt and braces approach.
Whilst I can understand your frustration and upset, and I agree that there are malicious reports, seeing as there is no way of knowing at the outset which is malicious and which isn't, things need to be checked out.
Schools get called loads of times about loads of pupils. If they only sent a letter they can't be taking the report that seriously.
I remember my mum shouting loads when I was growing up - think that's normal to be honest.