Very Upset and Advice Needed Please

Mr.Generous

what a time to read this. I had a job on this evening for a family member, we are doing up a house at the moment so tools and stuff all there. We finish up about half five every day and house is left locked, alarmed but empty.
Neighbors get to know this, in month 3 of the renovation now so they are used to our work times.

Tonight I went back to the house about half 6, parked on opposite side of road where there was a space and went in unseen by neighbor in adjoining house.

She is a single mum (with her sister living there to help with kids) she appears to struggle with things like getting up and taking kids to school, putting the bins out etc. When we committed to buy our house hers was being done up, she had a live in fella now kicked into touch. Her garden is overgrown and filling with rubbish, she is at home all day with toddler (approx 2 yrs old?) and has an older kid of about 7 who is sometimes at school.

Tonight when I went in I could hear toddler crying loudly. I went upstairs and looked out because I thought they must be in back garden crying was so loud. They were not, but from upstairs I could tell crying was from bathroom.
Someone stomped upstairs (could be mum or sister?) and started shouting SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
I was a bit shocked, I mean its a toddler.
Then "You've got water on the bathroom floor, your not getting out till you stop it"
All shouted, I could hear it clearly. Never heard a word through walls before so it must be loud.

then more shouting, "Shut up, you won't be getting out, straight to bed for you if you don't shut up etc.
Kid was sobbing and said "no" and was crying and sobbing.
Mum now screaming "Shut up you little !!!!, Im F...ing sick of this, shut up, shut up!

I was getting ready to charge round, I was listening at the wall for any kind of hitting or slapping noise by this point. I heard the older kid then say "I'm telling gran"

I wonder if kid knows mummy isn't supposed to behave like this or is kid thinking toddler is naughty and going to tell gran?

Social services are involved but because of lack of schooling, untidy house, no cooker (yes they made her get one) as far as we know, but we are just guessing.

Should I make a call?

FBaby

OP, don't worry about the school. Of course such a call would shake your confidence, in the end, as parents, we only do what we think is our best with kids, so it's natural to start wondering if we got it wrong at times, however, deep inside, you know you have nothing to hide.

The school know your children much better than the person who made the call and will also be able to appreciate how the call will have affected you. Ask to speak to the Head as soon as possible and tell them to expect the call. Explain your position and I'm sure they will totally understand and not judge you and your children on this basis.

suki1964

Wish someone had rung SS when I was a child , might have put an end to the misery that was our childhood

marisco_2

Hi OP, sorry to hear that you have had such an awful shock. You sound like a great mum who is very loving and caring and it is understandable that this has knocked your confidence. Children's services have to respond to any information that they are given concerning the welfare of children. My advice to you is to work with them completely calmly and openly. They will want to see a full picture of the children's lives both at home and within their school. See this as a positive step. It is a good thing as they are not relying solely on the opinion of the person who has reported you to form their opinion. Just so as you know they may well contact your gp too. I work as a teacher in a primary school. This will not tarnish your name with the school or cause you any problems in helping out there. Things would have to go a whole lot further than seems will be the case here for that to happen. If it would help you may pm me to dicsuss things further.

marisco_2

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I'm sorry you have had to suffer this OP. How horrible. Have you no idea whatsoever who may have made the call to Children's Services?

Why do they need to speak to the school?

I can't see it going on any record or file if you have done nothing wrong.

You're upset and fragile now, but you need to be angry IMO. Demand to know what on earth you're supposed to have done?

As far as I can see - from what you've said - you haven't done anything wrong!

If they investigate anything and you are proven to be innocent, then the accusing party should be revealed, and named as a nasty stirring trouble maker.

Couldn't disagree more, the advice above could cause the OP endless problems.


The last thing that she should do is to get angry. That would just raise totally avoidable concerns about her and her state of mind. Yes she has been troubled, worried and put through something unpleasant but she has done nothing wrong so far and if she works cooperatively and approachably with social services then they will see that and close the case. The person who has reported this will not be revealed or named as a trouble maker. If that were ever to happen then genuine people with valid concerns about a child's welfare would never step forward and stand up for them.

System

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

So how do you think referrals to Children's Services should be dealt with (this is a purely hypothetical situation and not based at all on OP's case but these type of situations do crop up).

Picture this .... a new family have moved into your street, you have witnessed the mother being violent to other neighbours and her own children. What do you do?

Genuine concerns (as with all genuine complaints) must be dealt with fairly.

People who lie and make malicious complaints should have to face the consequences of doing so. Think of women who make up rape allegations and get the poor man arrested and publicly named, when he's done nothing at all! There are laws to deal with this type of behaviour and they should be better enforced.

If there were better deterrents from lying and making up malicious allegations people wouldn't be so keen to do it.

catkins

I can fully understand the OP's upset at this but as others have said SS have to look into any call or letter they receive in case there does turn out to be cause for concern.

Me and my boyfriend at the time reported someone years ago. We were actually renting the top floor of their house so knew for sure how the children were being treated. We also knew it was going to be pretty obvious that it was us that reported them and that would cause some unpleasantness.

We were thrown out of the house after a lot of screamed abuse by the mother. We were both quite young and found that upsetting but never regretted for 1 second reporting them.

When I read the stories such as Daniel Pelka, the little girl recently stamped on by her mother etc I always wonder if anyone reported the families. If I were a neighbour of any of them and had had the slightest worry about a child I could not live with my guilt if I had kept quiet

missbiggles1

Mr.Generous wrote: »

what a time to read this. I had a job on this evening for a family member, we are doing up a house at the moment so tools and stuff all there. We finish up about half five every day and house is left locked, alarmed but empty.
Neighbors get to know this, in month 3 of the renovation now so they are used to our work times.

Tonight I went back to the house about half 6, parked on opposite side of road where there was a space and went in unseen by neighbor in adjoining house.

She is a single mum (with her sister living there to help with kids) she appears to struggle with things like getting up and taking kids to school, putting the bins out etc. When we committed to buy our house hers was being done up, she had a live in fella now kicked into touch. Her garden is overgrown and filling with rubbish, she is at home all day with toddler (approx 2 yrs old?) and has an older kid of about 7 who is sometimes at school.

Tonight when I went in I could hear toddler crying loudly. I went upstairs and looked out because I thought they must be in back garden crying was so loud. They were not, but from upstairs I could tell crying was from bathroom.
Someone stomped upstairs (could be mum or sister?) and started shouting SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
I was a bit shocked, I mean its a toddler.
Then "You've got water on the bathroom floor, your not getting out till you stop it"
All shouted, I could hear it clearly. Never heard a word through walls before so it must be loud.

then more shouting, "Shut up, you won't be getting out, straight to bed for you if you don't shut up etc.
Kid was sobbing and said "no" and was crying and sobbing.
Mum now screaming "Shut up you little !!!!, Im F...ing sick of this, shut up, shut up!

I was getting ready to charge round, I was listening at the wall for any kind of hitting or slapping noise by this point. I heard the older kid then say "I'm telling gran"

I wonder if kid knows mummy isn't supposed to behave like this or is kid thinking toddler is naughty and going to tell gran?

Social services are involved but because of lack of schooling, untidy house, no cooker (yes they made her get one) as far as we know, but we are just guessing.

Should I make a call?

I'm surprised nobody's answered this yet.

Definitely make the call. Social Services are already involved and, at the very least, it'll add to the body of knowledge they have on this family.

NewShadow

Mr.Generous wrote: »

Should I make a call?

If you are concerned, Yes.

I would also suggest - if it were to happen again - you consider recording at least some of it on your phone.

Then I'd probably knock on the door with an excuse (think I dropped something over the fence, can I pop and get it?) just to break the tension in the house and ensure she knew I was (potentially) about all hours.

tea_lover

G3. wrote: »

Had a row with anyone in the last few months? Prime suspect would be someone holding a grudge.

Or someone that doesn't think shouting at small children is good parenting.