Very Upset and Advice Needed Please

BargainPrincess

Hi,

I'm so upset as I have (can barely even type this) had a letter from our local children's services today. It said they had an anonymous call with very limited information about our child. I was shaking as I read it as I am a very loving caring mum with 2 gorgeous but very over-excitable young children.

After I had stopped shaking, I called them and they said that someone had seen a young child in Pyjamas (no idea how as the curtains are pulled when the children are ready for bed) and heard them crying Mummy, Daddy. Yes we have young children that sometimes despite us repeatedly going in to read to them, give them a toy, then a drink, still don't always want to go to sleep. Sometimes you just need to comfort them and then leave them. This incident was apparently last year!! Then they have also heard shouting. Yes my husband and I have to sometimes raise our voices when our children don't listen.

I don't like shouting but with 2 exuberant children that push boundaries, you sometimes just need to make things clear. Does this make us such bad parents? My children are very happy and full of life and I consider myself a great Mum so this has come as such a shock. I am trying to think who would have done this and you start questioning everything and whether someone has done this against you to try and get you into trouble when you have done nothing wrong.

The lady on the phone did try and reassure me that they need to respond to such things and I do understand that hence why I called to speak with them as requested. I asked what happens next and she said she is happy to close this "case" but she would need to just call the school. This is when I really got upset as although I have nothing to hide, if the school have someone from child services calling then, even if it is totally innocent, I feel that there is always going to be a stigma against my family throughout our entire school life. Also, when did this become a "case", due to the fact that someone happens to hear parents trying to raise their children correctly?

Is this now going to go against our name and is this always going to be on file? I have just undergone a DBS check as I would like to help out at the school sometimes, is this going to affect this? Also, if I refuse to let them call the school, surely that makes me look like I have something to hide when I absolutely haven't. I would guess that all parents have raised their voices does this make us bad parents? Should I just give into my child, so they don't cry? Should I just not raise my voice after asking repeatedly and let them do exactly as they please?

I am a happy go lucky person who gets on well with everyone but this has made me very insecure both as a person and a parent that I daren't say anything for fear of being reported unfairly. I really feel it could be a busybody or a troublemaker but I don't really know who or why they would do such a thing. I would much rather someone had a word with me than go through this horrible route.

Thanks for reading and sorry it's so long. We live in quiet lovely town and I am not used to this sort of thing but this has really upset me. I would appreciate any advice but please go easy as I am very stressed out about this

Thanks

Nargleblast

Carry on with your life. Of course it is upsetting, and you will never know who reported the "incident" or why, but it could just be possible that they misinterpreted what they saw, and decided to play safe and report it. You would probably do the same in their position. A little boy in my family broke his leg at the age of two coming down the slide in a playground ( he had his leg tucked under him for some obscure reason). When his mum took him to A & E she had a visit from a social services/ child welfare person the next day. As she herself is a doctor she knew it was normal procedure to report certain injuries, but it was still a bit of a shock to get that knock on the door.

Don't let this incident ruin your efforts to raise your children properly. Tell the school openly and upfront about the matter, I am sure they will see you are a genuine caring parent.

pigpen

Some people have nothing better to do with their time and are just plain nasty just ignore it.. if you have nothing to be concerned about then just ignore it.. you don't need to tell anyone it isnt a criminal investigation it is a presumably malcious report.

fierystormcloud

I'm sorry you have had to suffer this OP. How horrible. Have you no idea whatsoever who may have made the call to Children's Services?

Why do they need to speak to the school?

I can't see it going on any record or file if you have done nothing wrong.

You're upset and fragile now, but you need to be angry IMO. Demand to know what on earth you're supposed to have done?

As far as I can see - from what you've said - you haven't done anything wrong!

If they investigate anything and you are proven to be innocent, then the accusing party should be revealed, and named as a nasty stirring trouble maker.

Person_one

I wouldn't assume this is malicious, its far more likely that somebody is well meaning and is just genuinely worried about the children having heard a lot of shouting and crying, even if that is because they've misread the situation or have got the wrong end of the stick because they can't see the whole picture.

People should report when they are worried about children. If your kids are happy and healthy and well cared for then nothing bad will happen to you or your family just because a report was made. In a different scenario where children really were being hurt or neglected, then an anonymous call from somebody worried about them could actually save lives.

System

An eight-year-old boy was left traumatised after a harassment campaign involving malicious and false accusations against his parents.

James Connor, 30, made numerous unfounded reports of child cruelty to social services, Merseyside Police and the NSPCC against a family living nearby between January 2014 and January this year, resulting in the boy being taken out of his class at school and interviewed by social workers.

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/family-questioned-social-services-after-10225441

The neighbour received a suspended jail sentence for harassment. It is worth following these things up. Nobody should get away with making malicious allegations.

Person_one

avogadro wrote: »

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/family-questioned-social-services-after-10225441

The neighbour received a suspended jail sentence for harassment. It is worth following these things up. Nobody should get away with making malicious allegations.

One anonymous call is not harassment, and why assume it is malicious?

Alter_ego

fierystormcloud wrote: »

If they investigate anything and you are proven to be innocent, then the accusing party should be revealed, and named as a nasty stirring trouble maker.

Or perhaps as a concerned, caring, responsible citizen. Ever heard of baby P etc?

Ms_Chocaholic

fierystormcloud wrote: »

If they investigate anything and you are proven to be innocent, then the accusing party should be revealed, and named as a nasty stirring trouble maker.

But that won't be possible as when the referral is made anonymously no details of the caller are taken so there is no information that can be disclosed.

System

Person_one wrote: »

One anonymous call is not harassment, and why assume it is malicious?

It is if the accuser is lying.

System

Alter_ego wrote: »

Or perhaps as a concerned, caring, responsible citizen. Ever heard of baby P etc?

Baby Peter was visited 60 times by social services yet the child was not taken out of the home environment. Doctors failed to report that he had a broken back and bruises and didn't want to examine him because he 'appeared fractious'.

The horrific catalogue of errors made in that particular case is no reason to justify turning people into malicious informers of completely innocent parents.