Victim blaming mentality

Mercenary

coolcait wrote: »

[Your signature]: You only live once...so make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet every day desperately seeking validation from strangers

I do find it difficult to reconcile your post with your signature.

Now, apologies in advance for my reply, but it seems that the above comment was made simply to score a very small point, doesn't it?

It's only a joke signature !!!!!! . Posters do not routinely change their signatures to suit what they're currently posting about. It is something that was typed in once and subsequently ignored. Take a look around........

Georgiegirl256

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Hi all

Something I find concerning lately, is a victim blaming mentality. Not just here but in general on internet forums, and in real life.

Some threads on here, where people ask for help for some reason, often end with several other posters rounding on them telling them it is somehow the OPs fault, or the problem is imagined because the OP is merely being hysterical.

I agree with you, so no flaming from me. It's like basically saying "your feelings aren't real, they dont count", and so riding rough shed over someone's feelings and a problem which to the OP is something real and something that is bothering them, otherwise why would they have posted about it in the first place.

I have in the past if people have asked for honest opinions, told the OP if I think they're being totally over the top and over-reacting. But I do think as with anything, there are ways and means of expressing that opinion, and using the word "hysterical" isn't very nice and is undermining their worry when an opinion on a problem has merely been asked for. However, if someone asks if they are being hysterical, then obviously people will answer in the manner of "yes, you are being hysterical". But to offer up that comment in the situation you are meaning (that particular thread) is a bit OTT.

FredG

I notice a fair bit of it on this forum and I don't frequent it all that often. You definitely have a point.

Guest101

It's not victim blaming to highlight obvious (and not so obvious) mistakes.

pigpen

If people ask for opinions then they will get them.. if they don't like the responses or are too delicate to deal with the replies them maybe they are in the wrong place.

If they want someone to agree with their every word maybe they should think twice or actually use their own brains and consider what the terrible tragedy which has befallen them may look like to others.. often it is the OP's who actually need a wake up call and to open their eyes and realise they aren't actually a victim and that other people are simply going about their day and don't even know the OP's exist.. and why would they care? If everyone considered every possible outcome of every single action noone would ever do a thing.. we'd all still live in trees and caves!

People are far too quick to make out they are a victim.. they usually aren't victims.. they are usually too selfish and insensitive to other people.. and think the whole world revolves around them and threads just like this compound their idea that they are right.

Other people have a right to go about their day and their day usually does not revolve around the person they have offended who they still don't know exists. Someone standing outside near to your house does not make you a victim.. the binmen had their break outside my house this morning.. they are drinking tea, chatting and God forbid.. laughing!

However, the person who was trying to run me over because I was 'too slow' on the crossing knows I exist (never enough time to get across the road!).. but I'm not a victim.. I could have decided I was.. instead I stood in front of his car, on a dual carriageway and gave him a piece of my mind.. I am not a victim because my neighbour puts beer cans in my hedge while standing chatting to his friends and I am not a victim because the polystyrene from up the road blew in my garden.. honestly.. if I posted all these 'victim' scenario's you'd think I was another of Bluelasses AE's lol

And starting stupid threads like this to have a go at those who can see through the idiocy of these 'poor me' threads is actually possible to say you are making 'victims' of all those who disagree with you by 'bullying' them.

Enabling the victim mentality is not going to help anyone.

pickledonionspaceraider

pigpen wrote: »

And starting stupid threads like this to have a go at those who can see through the idiocy of these 'poor me' threads is actually possible to say you are making 'victims' of all those who disagree with you by 'bullying' them.
.

I think you sound like a nice, compassionate human being.

Guest101

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I think you sound like a nice, compassionate human being.

To be honest pigpen was being kind to your post...


But what would I know with my 'tiny brain'

pickledonionspaceraider

Some of the responses to this thread make me wonder how awful some peoples lives are that they cannot lend another person some compassion and feel the need to scour the internet to start arguments with strangers. Please fire away, because each of you saying awful things, point scoring, insulting, I actually feel compassion for you - that you feel the need to do this.

There is a huge difference between disagreeing and bulling/point scoring. But some folk are a long way off knowing what that may be

All I am trying to promote is compassion to posters. We are all strangers to each other and a one dimensional figures. No one knows what is going on in the others life, what mental state someone is in. To insult someone could be the thing that takes them over the edge in some way.

I would never want to be responsible for behaving like that,

Gavin83

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I do not understand what reason someone could give you to be harsh with them.

You do not agree with them i.e you feel you have the right to speak to them like rubbish??

I think we both know you do not behave like that - being harsh - in real life at all. You would not get away with it.

However on the internet, you can pretend

I actually feel like your trying to provoke an argument, despite the theme of your topic and maybe I'm taking the bait, who knows.

In regards to your second paragraph I literally don't know what your suggesting but I never post to create an argument. I either give advice or debate on issues depending on the subject matter. My point was that you were at least hinting at that topic as an example and you clearly stated that people were being unreasonable to the OP, yet I saw no evidence of this.

There is a theme on this forum that if people disagree with the OP then they're being unfair on them. This is a forum, people have different opinions and the OP isn't always in the right. I have seen examples of people going way over the top on here but in 99% of cases there is nothing wrong with the content. I see way more OP's flying off the handle because people have disagreed with them which is entirely their right. I honestly feel like that's what has happened in that other topic. Naturally calling a poster hysterical is unreasonable (I didn't do this) but when they ask 'Am I being hyterical?' you can kind of understand.

In regards to the part I quoted, I never talk to people on this forum like rubbish. If I think someone is wrong I will pull them up on it and rightly so. If I don't agree with someones opinion I will say so and if they can't deal with that difference of opinion then maybe they shouldn't be posting at all. This forum would be a boring place if the OP posted a topic and the next 20 posts all said "Yes I agree!"

I also don't speak to people any different on this forum than I would in real life. It's your choice if you believe that. Maybe harsh is the wrong word on my part but I would certainly tell someone if I disagreed with them, as I would in real life. I think generally I'm a reasonable person and speak to people the same way I'd want to be spoken to. Even if I completely disagree with someone on here if they've asked a question I will attempt to answer it regardless.

pickledonionspaceraider

The thing that actually prompted my OP was in part due to a news website yesterday.

There was a news article about a poor guy who had a severe peanut allergy. He had ordered a take away and let them know he was peanut allergic and not to put any in his meal. Unfortunately his request was not adhered to, and he died later that night, on his own, on his bathroom floor

Many people were saying it was his own fault. I felt moved to tears of the nasty messages that were being typed ref this news article, because the guys family would have been able to read them

These people deliberately wanted to make the families pain worse. They just had to get their tuppence worth in.