Money Moral Dilemma: Should I let my date pay when I'm not keen?

Georgiegirl256

doctorblunkett wrote: »

no no no no no.


lets do a simple scenario. person A asks person B out for a meal. they have the meal. person B thinks like the above and expects person A to pay for the entire meal.


person B believes they are 'entitled' to a free meal.


you pay for what you consume. that's the rule. not sure why 'hosting' has been brought into this as it is nonsensical in this scenario.
.

Well, that's the way I see it too, but apparently if you ask someone if they'd like to go for dinner, that means you are paying for it. If we decided say that we were going to go out for my husbands birthday, and so asked his brothers, partners, families etc, then we all just pay for ourselves, it's always been like that. Doesn't mean that because we asked if they'd like to come out for his birthday meal, that we'd be paying.

TBagpuss wrote: »

If you invite someone you are their host. That's why hosting comes in to it.
If you invite me to a dinner party at your home I do not show up expecting to pay for the cost of the food I eat.
If you outsource the cooking and instead, invite me to have the meal in a restuarant, youare still the host. Part of this is because, if you have issued the invitation, you have made the choice about hwere to eat and therefore, what the meal is likely to cost.

If you and I make a mutual agreement to meet up somewhere get a meal, neither of us is hosting so we each pay our own way.
.

How do you know the difference though? Fair enough, if the person says "do you want to come out for a meal with me, my treat", then that makes it obvious from the start, and everyone knows where they stand on the matter of payment.

Inviting someone to your house is totally different IMO, because that IS hosting. If I invited people for a meal at my house, then no way would I expect or want any payment off them.

Guest101

Suppose it depends, some people want to be 'kept' and if that's their agenda I doubt the other party would be interested for long.


Surely independence is an attractive trait to have. I'd hate to have someone paying for me.

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Well, that's the way I see it too, but apparently if you ask someone if they'd like to go for dinner, that means you are paying for it. If we decided say that we were going to go out for my husbands birthday, and so asked his brothers, partners, families etc, then we all just pay for ourselves, it's always been like that. Doesn't mean that because we asked if they'd like to come out for his birthday meal, that we'd be paying.



How do you know the difference though? Fair enough, if the person says "do you want to come out for a meal with me, my treat", then that makes it obvious from the start, and everyone knows where they stand on the matter of payment.

Inviting someone to your house is totally different IMO, because that IS hosting. If I invited people for a meal at my house, then no way would I expect or want any payment off them.

"We'd love to to come to X restaurant with us for Dave's birthday. Its the 5th June at 7pm." You're hosting, you pay.

"Do you fancy getting together for Dave's birthday around the 1st week of June?" "Ok, where shall we meet?" Group decision, pay for your own.

burnoutbabe

I went on many internet dates when i was doing that sort of thing, it was always 50/50 payments - you didn't know each other, either of you may have suggested meeting up (and what if he asked about going out Monday, you say you are busy, what about Tuesday, who pays then?)

so i always would assume 50/50 on a first date. or in fact anytime someone asked me to go somewhere (bar my parents when i assume they would pay but sometimes i pay for them if they are visiting me)

zagfles

Person_one wrote: »

"We'd love to to come to X restaurant with us for Dave's birthday. Its the 5th June at 7pm." You're hosting, you pay.

"Do you fancy getting together for Dave's birthday around the 1st week of June?" "Ok, where shall we meet?" Group decision, pay for your own.

This thread is hilarious. So it's the way you ask is it? If the bloke says "Would you like to come out to dinner with me" then he pays, but if he says "do you fancy getting together for a meal" then it's 50/50!!

You read it here - be very careful how you ask people out :rotfl:

Georgiegirl256

Person_one wrote: »

"We'd love to to come to X restaurant with us for Dave's birthday. Its the 5th June at 7pm." You're hosting, you pay.

"Do you fancy getting together for Dave's birthday around the 1st week of June?" "Ok, where shall we meet?" Group decision, pay for your own.

But that's the same thing surely? Just because I've specified the restuarant, that doesn't mean that I'm "hosting", but have chosen that one because it's DH's favourite.

When we've gone out for people's birthdays in the past, we've always all paid for ourselves. Apart from when it was the BIL 50th, but that was a party buffet, entertainment etc) and so was already paid for, and different to just being invited out for a meal.

zagfles

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

But that's the same thing surely? Just because I've specified the restuarant, that doesn't mean that I'm "hosting", but have chosen that one because it's DH's favourite.

When we've gone out for people's birthdays in the past, we've always all paid for ourselves. Apart from when it was the BIL 50th, but that was a party buffet, entertainment etc) and so was already paid for, and different to just being invited out for a meal.

And even in that sort of situation people usually buy their own drinks. Even when you're invited to someone's house for dinner it's usually good manners to bring a bottle.

So maybe if a bloke does make the mistake of asking "Would you like to come out to dinner with me" then he should pay for the meal but she should buy her own drinks :rotfl:

G3.

MSE_Nick wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I was asked out on a date recently and at the end of it the guy insisted he pay for dinner. I knew I wasn't interested in seeing him again so said I was happy to split the bill, but he insisted. If someone's asked you out is it alright to let them pay when you're not into them?

So if he's going to get into your knickers at the end of the night you let him pay, and if he isn't you pay your own way?

duchy

Seems a bit convoluted.

If you're not sure if you're into them or not - go for coffee or a drink rather than dinner as a first date.

duchy

Fujiko wrote: »

Men were men and women were women and we each knew the convention.
.

Men are still men and women are still women today too :rotfl::rotfl:

I'm in my fifties and even when I was dating as a teenager women offered to pay half - to avoid any confusion as there were always some men who thought paying for everything gave them an expectation at the end of the evening on a first date .