Money Moral Dilemma: Should I let my date pay when I'm not keen?

Georgiegirl256

Torry_Quine wrote: »

. If someone had asked me for my share they would have a surprise as I probably wouldn't have sufficient money with me. I wouldnt make a scene though.

Your parents going out with friends is not the same as a date though.

Possibly not, but my point is that just because someone has asked them out for a meal doesn't mean that they would expect the asker to pay. They've always brought me up to pay my way, as that is the way they operate, and so I would never go out without any money in my purse. I think you should always go out prepared and you should never assume that the person asking you out on a date will be paying.

You'd be a bit snookered if when it got to the end of the night and the man asked you to at your way realised you had no money on you. It would be very embarrassing to say the least.

gloriouslyhappy

I always insisted on paying my own way on first dates and the first few after that, until we established what worked for us. I would let them buy the first round and then get the second one, not accepting any arguments, especially if I didn't think I wanted a second date. I only broke that rule once on the classic 'friend set-up blind date' for me - despite being told how much we were right for each other, it was a disaster! He was excruciatingly shy, mumbled, couldn't look at me and was just generally so clearly so uncomfortable that half way through the first drink, I just said something like 'thanks for taking the time to meet me but it's obvious this is going nowhere and very good wishes for finding somebody right for you soon' and left in a non-hurried but purposeful way. My friend couldn't accept we hadn't immediately fallen for each other and tried to set us up again, got us both round to dinner at hers under a subterfuge, and that was the start of that friendship dissolving.

Always pay your own way, or at least, say you'll get the tip and pop some money on the table so there's no point arguing.

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It would be awkward if say you got to the end of the night, and your date/friend/colleague etc who had asked you out for a meal then asked for your share of the bill. So then, you're left with two options, either pay it, or create a scene in the restuarant by refusing to pay it.

I think it's very presumptuous for anyone just to assume that because they have been asked out for a meal, that the asker will be the one who pays the full bill, and I think that a person should always offer to pay their way.

Could just be because I have never known it to be the case. Growing up when my Mam & Dad went out with their friends, everyone just paid their own way, and the same happens now. Do people really automatically assume because someone has asked them out for a meal then they will be paying for them?

If one invites the other, then yes. If people who know each other arrange to meet in the same place to share a meal, then no.

Georgiegirl256

Person_one wrote: »

If one invites the other, then yes. If people who know each other arrange to meet in the same place to share a meal, then no.

So if someone says "would you like to go out for a meal on Saturday night?", then you'd automatically assume they were paying? I've never known it happen, and so just assumed it was quite an outdated approach.

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

So if someone says "would you like to go out for a meal on Saturday night?", then you'd automatically assume they were paying? I've never known it happen, and so just assumed it was quite an outdated approach.

It does depend on the relationship and the situation. If its a casual, lets meet up type of thing then I wouldn't expect the person who suggested it to pay.

Anything a little bit more formal or in a newer friendship where you're not at the taking stuff for granted stage, then yes, if I invite I pay, and I make it clear I'm inviting and treating. I've been on the receiving end of the same too.

Georgiegirl256

I think of the person actually makes it clear that they're paying and that it's their treat, then that's ok, but I don't buy into the train of thought that the inviter should be the payer, or at least I would never assume it to be the case.

If anything I'd have thought it to be the other way round, as in a newer friendship, everyone would automatically pay for themselves, or pay half.

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I think of the person actually makes it clear that they're paying and that it's their treat, then that's ok, but I don't buy into the train of thought that the inviter should be the payer, or at least I would never assume it to be the case.

If anything I'd have thought it to be the other way round, as in a newer friendship, everyone would automatically pay for themselves, or pay half.

I wouldn't invite a newer friend/acquaintance somewhere and then ask them to cough up! If I'm making a gesture that I'd like to meet up with that person socially, then I think it ruins it a bit to expect them to pay for the pleasure of mu company. I'm not that entertaining! Generally, people want to reciprocate and then you take it from there. Making new friendships as an adult is a lot like dating really, just less nudity and awkwardness.

Torry_Quine

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Possibly not, but my point is that just because someone has asked them out for a meal doesn't mean that they would expect the asker to pay. They've always brought me up to pay my way, as that is the way they operate, and so I would never go out without any money in my purse. I think you should always go out prepared and you should never assume that the person asking you out on a date will be paying.

You'd be a bit snookered if when it got to the end of the night and the man asked you to at your way realised you had no money on you. It would be very embarrassing to say the least.

I wouldn't be embarrassed just saddened that they were such a skinflint.

Person_one wrote: »

I wouldn't invite a newer friend/acquaintance somewhere and then ask them to cough up! If I'm making a gesture that I'd like to meet up with that person socially, then I think it ruins it a bit to expect them to pay for the pleasure of mu company. I'm not that entertaining! Generally, people want to reciprocate and then you take it from there. Making new friendships as an adult is a lot like dating really, just less nudity and awkwardness.

Exactly how I look at it.

WantToBeSE

No, i wouldnt expect the other party to pay if i wasn't interested.

I recently went on a date to the Zoo, with a man i had just met and instantly knew i wasn't interested in (internet dating!).

I paid for myself, as i didn't think it's fair to make him pay.

But that being said, i would never assume that the other party should pay even if i AM interested.

Augustus_the_Strong

I don't quite follow your logic here. If you HAD liked him, then you'd have thought it was ok for him to keep forking out money for you? It would make more sense the other way round - 'I didn't like the guy & didn't have a great evening, but at least it didn't cost me any money'. Or, looking at it another way, the guy's probably unhappy that you don't want to go out with him again, so why not at least let him regain his self respect by showing he can pay the bill.
But anyway, you presumably are looking to save money, or you wouldn't be on this forum, so if someone wants to give you money (effectively), why not take it?