Money Moral Dilemma: Should I let my date pay when I'm not keen?

ERICS_MUM

When (if !) I'm asked out, I assume we will split the bill. If the man insists on paying in full then I accept graciously, no point making a deal of it. I have been known to pay the whole bill.

Modern woman in action !!!

fierystormcloud

UKTigerlily wrote: »

I feel that as he asked her out, then he should pay. Maybe the next time (if there had been one) she would've paid. In this case, she offered to pay half, he declined so there's no dilemma IMO . . . him taking her on a date & paying is not guarantee of more and he should know that

Exactly! If a man had asked ME out, no way would I offer to pay. If a man asks a woman on a date (as with the dilemma; ) he pays. Simples. Whether it went well or not.

If the date went badly and I didn't want to see him again, I would still not pay. Just because I wasn't going to see him again, that certainly doesn't mean I owe him anything. So I would not offer

'Pride' and 'equality' and other feminist ramblings are irrelevant. He asked me out, he pays. End of.

Horrorhiker

This is the have your cake and eat it mentaility of modern feminists.
Basically, I would open a door for anyone, not just ladies, and likewise I would sometimes offer to pay the bill, but would probably expect the other person to pay it next time, if there was one.
I look forwatd to the time when equality means equality and would never in a million years ask out someone who had the attitude of fierystormcloud, anyway, as I dont see a huge sense of entitlement as attractive.

UMD

If someone asks me out, then for the first date I would expect them to pay as a default - because it's them who has asked me out. However, if they suggested splitting the bill I wouldn't have a problem with this! From thereon in, if you continue seeing them, I like alternating who pays each time - so I pick the date and pay one day, and he picks the date and pays the next. It means you're never stuck with one person wanting to go somewhere expensive when the other can't afford it, and also you don't have the 'You never put any effort into our dates!' argument as much!

However, as the original poster's problem was that they knew they didn't want to see him again, I think they did the right thing. They offered to pay half, but he insisted on getting the whole bill. I think that's their 'moral duty' discharged - and after all, why should you owe someone something just because they've bought you dinner when they asked if they could take you out for dinner? If OP had continued seeing this guy when they knew they weren't going to take it further just to continue with the free food, then I could see there being a problem :rotfl:

Stevie_Palimo

There are two sides to this really whereby if a person asks another out on a date they want to show that they can look after them and if this is paying the full bill then so be it, And the other side where some women believe it is down to the man to pay, If you at least offer then it shows the date that you are a nice person regardless of it going any further.

For me I have pretty much always paid for bills on dates with first dates but that may be more to do with my upbringing, I do also feel that it is right when the other person does make an offer to split this but I have never done this, On the back of that it is generally a situation whereby if a 2nd date occurs and maybe it is a pub visit that I would then accept a drink or two off of them.

ejbg2001

This dilemma comes down to assumptions. If I had been asked out, I would assume that it would be 50:50 for the bill regardless of whether I am interested in seeing the other person again and I would be happy to pay it. If the other person then insisted in paying in full, I'd be happy to allow them to do that as that is their choice and is separate to if I see them again. If I was doing the asking out, then I would assume that I would pay 100% and if the other person offered 50% then I would accept, again regardless of if we may see each other again.

I feel that paying for a night out should not be an expectation of seeing someone again, it seems a little like buying someone's affection. OP I would say ignore the thoughts about seeing this dater again, focus on the night. You offered to pay half, they refused and it was a nice gesture. Leave it at that.

HTH

Cimscate

He's happy, you're happy, where's the problem.......

Hemera

I think people put way too much thought into this... I mean, I'm all for equality and stuff, but now it seems that splitting the bill is the be all and end all of all feminist battles.

If I went on a date, I'd expect a man to pay if he is the one who has initiated the date, decided what to do (dinner or else) and where to go. I'd reciprocate by offering to pay for our next activity (e.g. if we are going for drinks after dinner) or second date. However, I still propose to split the bill on the first date, then it's up to him to decide whether he actually wants to pay.
In general, even with friends/acquaintances I'm quite chilled: I'm not counting the pennies, unless I have a feeling that they are intentionally taking advantage of me (in which case, they won't be my friends for long). The same applies to dates.

If I know for sure that there is not gonna be a second date, perhaps I'd insist more to pay half, but I wouldn't put up a fight about it. They don't owe me a dinner (and this is why I always offer to pay half), and I don't owe them a second date or anything else.

tallgirld

Of course it is. You offered to split the bill....He said no....you are not really into him....NOW CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER!!!! :-)

Georgiegirl256

fierystormcloud wrote: »

'Pride' and 'equality' and other feminist ramblings are irrelevant. He asked me out, he pays. End of.

And if you ask him out then you pay I take it?