Pet hate - being asked for a title

Mojisola

bearcat16 wrote: »

Rightly or wrongly, I always think "divorcee" when I hear it.

I have heard other people say this but Ms has never been promoted as a title for divorced women.

Its whole history has been to provide a female equivalent of Mr.

missbiggles1

bearcat16 wrote: »

I've taken to calling all ladies I meet "miss" just because I like the american-ish way it sounds.

"Here's your coffee"
"Thank you miss!"

However, I do get why some women don't like the fact that their title instantly reveals their marital status.

And having a "Ms" option does little to help in my opinion, because that title is itself loaded with meaning. Rightly or wrongly, I always think "divorcee" when I hear it.

There is no loaded meaning to Ms, that's the whole point.

I was Ms when I was a single woman in my 20s, still Ms when a married woman, a divorced woman and then a married woman again in my 30s and still Ms as a widow in my 60s - and all with the surname I was born with.

Cloudydaze

missbiggles1 wrote: »

There is no loaded meaning to Ms, that's the whole point.

I agree that's how it should be but I don't think that's entirely true yet.

This thread has been quite timely for me as for various reasons I've had quite an intense period of form filling. I'm quite inconsistent in which title I choose depending on my mood.

However, I've realised I need to be part of the solution and therefore I will now be known as Ms Daze.

theoretica

missbiggles1 wrote: »

There is no loaded meaning to Ms, that's the whole point.

For me Ms is slightly loaded and means a woman who uses it has probaby thought about the issue. But Mrs in younger women and Miss in older also have similar loading for me. Only one choice would make things simpler, but would take some time for everyone to accept.

moneyistooshorttomention

theoretica wrote: »

For me Ms is slightly loaded and means a woman who uses it has probaby thought about the issue. But Mrs in younger women and Miss in older also have similar loading for me. Only one choice would make things simpler, but would take some time for everyone to accept.

It's not up to other people to have opinions on whatever title one decides to use.

As far as I'm concerned - I don't really see any thought needed to be put into the title I've used for years now (ie Ms). Obviously I'm a person in my own right and it was just quite obvious that I am Ms My Own Surname whatever my marital status. Why would I want to go to the trouble of explaining to everyone "Yes I know my title is Mrs and my surname is His Surname - but I'm still the same person that was previously called Miss My Own Surname"? How would anyone know that I was the person who did x/y/z otherwise unless I went through a long-winded "But my name used to be..." explanation and pointing out I'm still an independently-minded person despite having plonked the title "Mrs" in front of my name.

It takes 5 seconds flat to think "Putting Mrs in front of my name implies I'm less of a person than my husband" if I had one.

Nick_C

bearcat16 wrote: »

I've taken to calling all ladies I meet "miss" just because I like the american-ish way it sounds.

"Here's your coffee"
"Thank you miss!"

Problem with "miss" is that it can come across as ageist. I tend to use "ma'am" for all women when I'm in the US.

LannieDuck

toffeentom wrote: »

Does this annoy any other females out there?

Yes, it does.

I don't like using 'Miss' for unmarried adult women because it sounds like a child. I also don't like assuming women are married. Ms is the answer for me.

...well, actually Dr is And no, that doesn't imply I'm a medic.

Incidentally, some places have actually started offering 'Mr and Dr' on their drop down forms. Perhaps society is starting to realise that women can sometimes be more highly educated than their husbands. Although I'm still unclear why the male name always has to come first.

I HATE being addressed as Mrs [his initial] [his surname]. My husband actually requested that people not do it in his wedding speech :rotfl: The only one who still does is his grandmum. I pass all such envelopes over to OH since I'm not called [his firstname]. But she's so old now, and etiquette is so important to her that I don't have the heart to ask her to stop

Bobcrowther

You know what's another indication of marital status? Engagement rings!
Let's start a thread about those and how misogynistic and demeaning they are, in fact let's start a petition for parliament to discuss. Let's get them banned!
How DARE people look at your finger and KNOW that you're due to be wedded.
Oh the misogyny in this awful patriarchal society we live in.

moneyistooshorttomention

Hardly.

Men have started wearing engagement rings too you know.

LannieDuck

And you don't have to wear them. I don't.

I think the difference is that whether you wear a ring is a personal choice. Whereas people asking if you're a Miss or a Mrs is imposing upon you.

Similar to cold callers interrupting your mealtime vs you choosing to call someone. (I haven't thought through that analogy very well... it may not stand up to close questioning...)