The financial implications of moving in together

Oompa

After almost a year together my bf and I are talking about moving in together.

We both are owners and live separately but, increasingly, I'm spending more and more time at his place that is 30 -50 mins' away, so when I stay over, it's often for 5 days a week or more. Sometimes, a fortnight.

At my flat, I have a lodger, whom obviously enjoys the flat in its entirety when I'm not around. He is moving out soon, which prompted the "chat" between my bf and me, as I intend to rent out my whole property.

While I have a small mortgage, my bf has a large mortgage to pay off. He is a very high earner and earns much more than I do.

He's expressed the intention to have me pay towards the mortgage if I move into his flat, while I offered to pay only for all food and utilities. He said that with the way our relationship is going, it's likely that his flat will be "ours" one day so it made sense for me to pay towards it. I feel differently about it, but am open to suggestions/discussion.

My question is: what do you think is fair or what should I propose? I've never lived with any of my previous bfs so this is new to me. What is the norm?

Bobcrowther

You're going to move into his house whilst paying off your own mortgage for profit/very little.
Of course you should pay him "rent", regardless of his earnings.

justme111

After u paid him your share of bills and food you will be better of by £x because rent for the whole of your place is bigger than what lodger pays. I think it is fair to pay him half of the amount by which you are better off.

19lottie82

Of course you should pay him a nominal amount for rent. Especially as you will be renting out your own property.

Why wouldn't you?

duchy

Paying half the mortgage is something that is to your advantage -and very much to your boyfriend's disadvantage if you ultimately split up as by contributing to the mortgage you are gaining an interest in the property and would have a claim on part of it.

Putting that aside however then there's two ways to look at it. If you are living there fulltime then paying half of everything seems fair -but ignores any disparity in earnings - You could also look at it based on income - all outgoings divided in accordance with income - so for example if you rent out your flat then your earnings plus net income from renting out your flat might be say a third of your boyfriend's earnings if he is a high earner . So you could divide all outgoings on a 33/66% split.

Alternatively some couples have the lower earner save an amount equal to what the outgoings would be into a seperate joint account to be used for your future as a couple as this removes the non owning partner from gaining an interest in the property before you have both agreed you have a permanent future together.

Paying for a bit of food and a bit of electric is what you should be paying as a semi permanent guest like you are now - It certainly doesn't seem fair you shouldn't make a realistic contribution if you are moving in properly. If it was reversed and your boyfriend moved in with you instead- would you be happy if he paid as little as you are proposing and you continued to pay what you are paying now eg full mortgage and utilities ?

In the end though it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks -it is what feels right for you both ....clearly you don't agree at the moment so you need to keep talking and find a compromise you both feel is fair.

Money is a huge deal breaker for many relationships so it's far better to sort out everything fairly from day 1 rather than move in with a situation neither are 100% happy with.

calicocat

justme111 wrote: »

After u paid him your share of bills and food you will be better of by £x because rent for the whole of your place is bigger than what lodger pays. I think it is fair to pay him half of the amount by which you are better off.

I think this sounds fair. I don't think you should be paying half his mortgage as after all it is his place at the moment, but equally you living rent free isn't fair either.

If things go well longer term then finances can be reworked out, but for now I think a nominal fee towards a 'rent' would be fair.

Finances are so more complicated these days I think, as people often don't expect something to last, so are guarded about it. My bf half lives at mine and doesn't really contribute to anything, but on the other hand when we go out he pays probably 75% of that. So...it's swings and roundabouts .

It could be seen as a positive that he wants you to contribute to the mortgage too, as it means he is serious about the relationship.

Good luck, fun times ahead moving in with someone for the first time.

silvercar

First thing to do is check whether the lender of the mortgage on your property will allow you to let the whole property. If the lender won't agree to 'consent to let' as it is termed, you will need to search for a new lender who will give you a BTL mortgage. Not that easy under current rules, particularly for a non home owner.

Guest101

Equally when your tenants don't pay rent, trash the place (or sue you for anything you might've done wrong) - I'd expect him to help you out.

Oompa

Good morning, and thanks to everyone who's taken the time to consider my situation and share their thoughts.

So yes, the situation in short is that I have more assets but he has a much higher income.

To those who wondered whether I was angling to pay little to nothing when moving in (and was looking for some approval), I wasn't. Yes, I'll ensure to notify the lender, as that's a legal obligation.

My issue is that if I move in and agree to go 50/50 with his costs, effectively paying half the amount of the mortgage, my outgoings increase yet I don't have any legal interest in his property. I assume he may want to arrange a situation where it looks like I'm paying rent. I suppose the only way around this is to make some kind of mortgage reference to it when transferring funds to his account. It doesn't make me feel good having to resort to that, but I suppose it may be necessary.

Although my outgoings increase, I also acknowledge it'll be offset by the extra income I'll receive in rent from my new tenant. If we go with that, everything 50/50, I suppose somewhere along the line (if and when we get married) I think I may feel resentful that everything is split 50/50 and he may earn financial/legal interests in the total assets (I have a second property with no mortgage).

I just feel that I'll lose out in a way. While love and relationships aren't about 'winning' to me, I understand that divorce and break-ups happen a lot nowadays and I just want to protect myself from any unfavourable situations.

My bf and I have a good relationship overall. We're well-suited, share many common interests, and our friends and family get along, etc. However, as some of you have mentioned, I do feel that 'money and finances' is the only area where I feel we have issues. We seldom argue (even about money), but I feel it's because we currently haven't reached a point where anything serious has been discussed, but that time is getting closer. We have different attitudes towards money as well (neither of us is wrong nor right). For example, he is frugal and practical, while I would opt for paying that bit more because 'you only live once'. So at the moment, we go 50/50 on flights and split travel costs 50/50 (he does pick up the bill more than I do if we go out for dinner and we take turns paying for takeaway deliveries).

As someone advised, I'll propose to pay a nominal amount and I like the idea of setting up an account that goes towards our future upon certain conditions (marriage/kids). I'll look into that.

My deepest fear is reaching a time when it may be suggested we sell our properties to purchase a large family home and having 50/50 in equity. That wouldn't sit well with me (especially if either of us later files for divorce and we each make 50% from the proceeds of sale).

Ideally, I would like to keep interests in land separate or, if we do sell up to buy a larger place, I may ask for more equity (but then it sounds business-like and awful).

I would like us to be married but, again, with the UK not acknowledging pre-nuptials, what do people do nowadays? Have kids and not get married? Stage a fake wedding? Haha.

Guest101

Oompa wrote: »

Good morning, and thanks to everyone who's taken the time to consider my situation and share their thoughts.

So yes, the situation in short is that I have more assets but he has a much higher income.

To those who wondered whether I was angling to pay little to nothing when moving in (and was looking for some approval), I wasn't. Yes, I'll ensure to notify the lender, as that's a legal obligation.

My issue is that if I move in and agree to go 50/50 with his costs, effectively paying half the amount of the mortgage, my outgoings increase yet I don't have any legal interest in his property. I assume he may want to arrange a situation where it looks like I'm paying rent. I suppose the only way around this is to make some kind of mortgage reference to it when transferring funds to his account. It doesn't make me feel good having to resort to that, but I suppose it may be necessary.

Although my outgoings increase, I also acknowledge it'll be offset by the extra income I'll receive in rent from my new tenant. If we go with that, everything 50/50, I suppose somewhere along the line (if and when we get married) I think I may feel resentful that everything is split 50/50 and he may earn financial/legal interests in the total assets (I have a second property with no mortgage).

I just feel that I'll lose out in a way. While love and relationships aren't about 'winning' to me, I understand that divorce and break-ups happen a lot nowadays and I just want to protect myself from any unfavourable situations.

My bf and I have a good relationship overall. We're well-suited, share many common interests, and our friends and family get along, etc. However, as some of you have mentioned, I do feel that 'money and finances' is the only area where I feel we have issues. We seldom argue (even about money), but I feel it's because we currently haven't reached a point where anything serious has been discussed, but that time is getting closer. We have different attitudes towards money as well (neither of us is wrong nor right). For example, he is frugal and practical, while I would opt for paying that bit more because 'you only live once'. So at the moment, we go 50/50 on flights and split travel costs 50/50 (he does pick up the bill more than I do if we go out for dinner and we take turns paying for takeaway deliveries).

As someone advised, I'll propose to pay a nominal amount and I like the idea of setting up an account that goes towards our future upon certain conditions (marriage/kids). I'll look into that.

My deepest fear is reaching a time when it may be suggested we sell our properties to purchase a large family home and having 50/50 in equity. That wouldn't sit well with me (especially if either of us later files for divorce and we each make 50% from the proceeds of sale).

Ideally, I would like to keep interests in land separate or, if we do sell up to buy a larger place, I may ask for more equity (but then it sounds business-like and awful).

I would like us to be married but, again, with the UK not acknowledging pre-nuptials, what do people do nowadays? Have kids and not get married? Stage a fake wedding? Haha.

Oh sorry you're another one of those, I'd like to be married, but not the real married, the one without the legally binding commitment. I just want pretty pictures and a ring to wear.


Crying out loud.


You either get married or you don't. It's not a blooming pick n mix.


- What's mine is mine, what's yours is ours comes to mind.

burnoutbabe

When my boyfriend moved into to my owned place we split the bills 50/50 but I paid the mortgage alone as that was solely my cost and it did not cost me anymore him living there.

He took what he was paying in rent and saved it up - firstly as he has no security so i could, in theory, kick him out anytime, so he'd have cash for a deposit on somewhere else to rent.

And mostly so that down the line he can buy in with me on another place we buy together.

I did not want any argument about "he has paid toward the mortgage" to muddle things.