No children at wedding

Andrew_Ryan_89

To be honest, I was a little upset at first with the initial reactions because I know I would move hell and earth for my family and have done so. Whether it is helping them out with their careers, attending birthday parties or paying for them to come on a night out. But with that said, now I am actually happy about it. Having just moved into a new house, the less people the better.

maman

Sounds like those who've refused the invitations are making a bit of a protest because of 'no children ' or maybe they just don't want to come. That's their choice BUT it's your choice about the sort of wedding you plan to have. You've made that choice (and I happen to agree with you) now just ignore those who wouldn't put you first just for one day and look forward to your big day! 😃

GwylimT

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Invites have gone out and a couple people (cousins) are not happy and won't be able to attend because their children can't. It's made me even more confident in my decision to have no children. Makes you see peoples true colours. I am pretty sure that given 3 months notice people can find a baby sitter. Another one, who has a partner, is not coming. Why can't you just leave the kids with him?

Not everyone is willing to leave their children with a stranger, if childcare is needed past 6pm it is very hard to find as few childminders work late into the evening. So with a gift, possible travel/hotel costs and childcare costs, it can be a very expensive day for the parents.

Some people don't want to go, saying you can't because you have children is a convenient excuse. My brother is getting married in October, we aren't going as our youngest two aren't invited and we aren't willing to leave them with someone strange for the sake of a few vows and some food. Yes it showed him my true colours, that as a parent your children come first.

At least its fewer plates to pay for.

sheramber

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think that would ever happen. The next course would just be plonked at the empty seat regardless at the same time as everybody else's.

I wasn't at the wedding so can only relate what the bride said and why she said no babies at her second wedding.

It did cause some ill feeling with one part of the family and resulted in none of three generations attending- mum said if 6 month old grandchild couldn't go then nobody else was going and that was that.

Nobody was upset that they' attend- their choice.

Person_one

GwylimT wrote: »

we aren't willing to leave them with someone strange

Well, I think that's probably sensible.

onlyroz

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Invites have gone out and a couple people (cousins) are not happy and won't be able to attend because their children can't. It's made me even more confident in my decision to have no children. Makes you see peoples true colours. I am pretty sure that given 3 months notice people can find a baby sitter. Another one, who has a partner, is not coming. Why can't you just leave the kids with him?

For a wedding you would need childcare for a whole day and night. No babysitter or childminder would be able to do that. And if your cousins' parents are also at the wedding then who are they meant to ask to look after the kids? You really shouldn't be surprised or offended that some people won't be able to go.

As for expecting people to go without their partner, many people would be uncomfortable with that, especially if they don't know many of the other guests. There are few things more painful than being somewhere where you hardly know anyone and have to make small-talk for hours with strangers.

pathtofreedom

When people get married it doesn't mean you will never ever see them again. Yes there might be a "smug married" phase where they lose some friends and settle down, but as others have said a wedding is a day for that couple. If they don't want kids, or can't afford colouring books and kids entertainment (why aren't the parents just bringing their own toys) then that is their right.

If your life choices mean you have had kids, then good for you, not everyone wants kids, or are interested in them at different stages of their lives. Being deeply offended like this that a couple who are unfortunately probably putting themselves into debt to pay for their day can't cater for every singles persons requirements to that extent is just deeply selfish. You're calling the wedding party selfish but I really don't think they are. I'll probably be trolled for this, and everyone has different sorts of family setups, some closer than others, but everyone is looking at this through rose tinted glasses of their family situation.

So to the OP, it is your day, invite who you want, have what ever ceremony, reception or anything else you want. If people with kids are truly your friends and family, they will understand this. You could always offer to do some sort of married "tour" afterwards delivering cake and showing them the video in a setting where no child care or whatever is required. At the end of the day all that matters is that you have the day you want, and you don't bankrupt yourself to do it, as what is the point? In a year, or two, or five... will they even remember what sort of flowers you had, or if you gave their kid bubbles or something to play with - NO they won't. You want to create the memories you want to cherish, and you can have many other happy days with these people in the rest of your lives together. So unless these people are willing to help pay the bills towards your wedding to have a stake it in, and even then really again it is your day not theirs, let them have their own party how they want, you are the one that saved for years or will pay it back for years and you don't want that hanging over your new marriage.

seven-day-weekend

anon123456 wrote: »

why not just do what we did

"Due to space constraints only children of the close family have been invited. We apologise that we could not stretch to children of friends.
We fully understand if this means you are unable to attend"

Also though from my point of view having two girls. If my wife and I were invited to a wedding with no mention of our children but also no mention that children aren't invited I would assume that the children were invited

This is what we did for our 25th weddng anniversary party (except we said no children). If we'd have invited everybody's children (several had three), there would have not been enough room for our friends.

Jagraf

At some point parents need to think about being independent human beings otherwise they are going to have an almighty shock when their kids leave home. Their kids as they grow will not want to go to their relatives wedding and will turn down certain invitations and lets hope when parents fumble for excuses that the bride and groom don't take it personally.

When you put your own kids on a pedestal thinking they have some intrinsic right to everything, it's a big shock to the system when they become their own beings and let other family members down (including parents - a natural stage of growing up).

I think I mentioned this earlier, I have had family members fall out with others over invited to someone's 21st (really - expecting young kids to be able to go to a 21st?). Boot ws on the other foot when their own came of age and all of a sudden acceptable to not invite kids.

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

For a wedding you would need childcare for a whole day and night. No babysitter or childminder would be able to do that. And if your cousins' parents are also at the wedding then who are they meant to ask to look after the kids? You really shouldn't be surprised or offended that some people won't be able to go.

As for expecting people to go without their partner, many people would be uncomfortable with that, especially if they don't know many of the other guests. There are few things more painful than being somewhere where you hardly know anyone and have to make small-talk for hours with strangers.

Then I agree if someone can't possibly go to the wedding because of childcare and other personal reasons then they can't go. It's not the bride and groom responsibility to look after the circumstances of every invitee. If its really crucial that the bride wants the child there they will find a way, but usually other people's children aren't the main focus of the day.