Pocket money

Pixie5740

There was a debate about paying children to do household chores on Radio 4 not long ago. One woman had been bribing/paying her two sons to do chores around the house but once they'd saved up enough money for whatever it was they wanted they just stopped doing the chores because they didn't need any more money. Whereas it worked well for some other parents. Horses for courses really.

FBaby

What I have learnt is that the difference between what kids receive as pocket money, what they need to do to earn, and what they are expected to spend it on is incredibly varied and not always linked with family income, as a matter of fact, it tends to be more the opposite with my kids' friend.

DD has been getting £30 a month since she was about 13, ie. she started to things with her friends. I pay for her mobile, her school lunch, her uniform/shoes, and she gets all the clothes she wants at Christmas. The reality is that at 16, it is really not enough, even with her being very reasonable but it means that she made efforts since she's been 15 to look for a job and had one offered to start when she turned 16, which she has just started and pays very well for her age. Despite getting less than her friends, she has never complained.

DS13 gets nothing but he doesn't care as he doesn't really need it. I pay for his mobile and clothes and going out with friends means going to play football or tennis in the park. He gets quite a bit of money at birthday/Christmas so uses this if he wants a game or something like this.

Neither of them do much in the house because they absolutely hate it and never do it properly. They are both excelling at school and are really good kids, so even though I am constantly at them to do some chores, I have accepted that I have to be grateful for what they do well.

peachyprice

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

I don't consider it a bribe. I call it good parenting

And I consider letting my children be children good parenting.

The eldest both have a good education, good jobs, value and save money, no debts, keep themselves and their rooms clean and tidy, what else would I have achieved in the 'good parenting' stakes by making them do household chores, besides resentment and less time to study and enjoy their short childhoods?

FBaby

My mum (single mum) never expected me to do chores at home (she had a cleaner and did everything else herself besides working full-time). I was untidy and my bedroom was a mess, so yes, I had a shock when I first moved on my own and frankly, the place was a tip.

I learnt on my own though that living in a tidy and clean place was much more pleasurable and that to do so, you either did it on your own, or paid someone to do it! I opted for the first. My kids would never believe how untidy I was at their age, just like I was shocked when my mum admitted that it was the same for her. I think it is in our genes, we don't like to to chores, so it is only when we grow a sense of responsibility, that we realise that it has to be done whether we like it or not.

I think DD will get there soon, I think it might take a bit longer for my DS!

peachyprice

FBaby wrote: »

My mum (single mum) never expected me to do chores at home (she had a cleaner and did everything else herself besides working full-time). I was untidy and my bedroom was a mess, so yes, I had a shock when I first moved on my own and frankly, the place was a tip.

I learnt on my own though that living in a tidy and clean place was much more pleasurable and that to do so, you either did it on your own, or paid someone to do it! I opted for the first. My kids would never believe how untidy I was at their age, just like I was shocked when my mum admitted that it was the same for her. I think it is in our genes, we don't like to to chores, so it is only when we grow a sense of responsibility, that we realise that it has to be done whether we like it or not.

I think DD will get there soon, I think it might take a bit longer for my DS!

Don't you think though that all this 'chore' business stems back to the days when girls were taught to be good little housewives? But instead of relieving girls of that burden in the name of equality we've pushed it onto boys too. I certainly remember asking why I had to do chores when my brother didn't and getting the reply 'because he's a boy'.

I had to peel the potatoes every day, I eventually developed an allergy that I still have to this day, thanks Mum, those chores really did me good!

As you found out, you soon learn when you have to. We're not living in times where looking after a house is daily hard labour, we don't use washing boards and mangles, we don't beat our carpets, hell most of us don't do our own washing up. Our children have all the necessary tech to make house keeping an aside from life, not the purpose of it, they don't need to be taught how to keep house.

All of mine know how to use the washing machine, dishwasher and hoover and they will, without being asked. They'll occasionally empty the dishwasher while they're waiting for the kettle to boil rather than just taking a clean cup out, they'll bring the washing in if it's raining, if they need clothes that weren't put into the basket they know how to use the washing machine. The only difference is they do it because they want to, not because I make them.

It's all part of the very British attitude towards controlling children.

Jagraf

I think money v lifestyle choices is very important. I really don't mind supporting DD in whatever she does if she gives a legitimate reason for doing it. She has pocket money from all grandparents and we pay mobile phone contract. She is a very messy student (16) but is presently studying through easter 12 hours a day - every day of easter before AS levels. I'm quite happy to give her money for a party / dress / coffee with mates when she does this.

However, if she was lazing about all money would stop and I would expect her to do the housework or find a weekend job.

My dad gave her £50 just because last week. At the moment gaining knowledge is more important than spending money so it's still on the side.

theoretica

What interestingly different attitudes. If you present things that need doing as 'chores' and nasty then no wonder people don't want to do them. If they are just mostly short things than need doing - like brushing teeth or going out in the rain to feed the rabbit - they will get done. Being actually taught good ways to cook and clean and change tap washers and not to put the red flannel in the white laundry makes moving out much easier than trying to reinvent everything when it is needed. When I was growing up I learnt that doing the cooking was the best way to get my favourites for dinner, so I soon learnt to cook cake.

moomoomama27

My children get £5 per week (11 and 13), I buy all toiletries they want, pay mobile phone contracts and all clothes!
We could afford more but they both do very expensive hobbies (over £100 pcm plus equipment), so we think it's fair to have just a small amount to do as they like, they often save it up and buy things once they have enough for ware we the latest fad is!

If they get invited to Pizza Hut or cinema or need bus fares we give that as extra.

They have a certain amount if daily chores they must do, but it's not rewarded with money, it's expected as their contribution to the household.

My eldest has been earning since she was 15 doing weekend restaurant jobs, so hopefully we are instilling a good work ethic too!!

pleasedelete

Are you eligible for free school meals?

Spendless

My eldest at just 16 gets £30 a month, but he rarely goes out and will spend it on computer games!

The youngest at just 13 hasn't been getting any. She attends several out of school clubs that cost us a bit. She is far more likely to come into town with me and every so often will ask for a shopping spree.

In addition they get money for their school dinners plus £5 each term-time week. £5 is the cost of a weekly bus pass. My view is they can spend the money on travel or choose to walk (it's about 35 min walk). However both kids especially DD haven't been managing their dinner/travel money well and on a few occasions I've either topped them up or provided a packed lunch. I've told them from next week this is stopping, in the event they over spend their money then the extra is to come from their pocket money and DD will start to receive this.

DD bought a phone for her birthday with the money she received. it's a payg which we will fund. DS is the most unusual teenager ever who barely bothers with a phone but we feel he needs one by Autumn as all going well he will be at college in a different county.