Government petition to make the parent receiving child maintenance provide receipts

missprice

Guest101 wrote: »

I think the op means if he gives £300, he wants to see £300 worth of receipts for kids things (or £600 if both parents contribute equally)

I get the idea and it was worth mentioning, although setting up a petition may because step too far.

Most people just go shopping weekly/monthly and buy whatever they need.
The problem then is getting a receipt for each child, why would the PWC want to let the nrp know what they personally buy. Then for things like toilet paper ( beginning to look like I have a thing for Loo roll :rotfl: ) toothpaste, shampoo, paper towels, bin bags, washing powder, water bill, electric usage, gas usage,council tax etc, splitting the cost. Who would want to do so much work to prove they spent whatever ( often piddling) amount on each child.

Then you get to one child has swimming lessons which cost way less than the others horse riding endeavours. The car to run them around or taxi or bus fares etc etc.
As someone else posted. Some nrp seem to forget how much it costs to bring up a child as soon as they leave the family home.

And then come the arguments about not paying for RP bus fare to take child swimming even though said child is too young to go alone and all the other scenarios that can crop up.

londonbabe73

I have a separate bank account and all the Maintenance child tax credit go into that account . My CB goes straight into my sons gov trust fund account for when his 18 .

My ex thinks I live the life of Riley despite me having a full time job on his £250 a month. I took him back to court for money on top of child support for school expenses and won an extra £150 a month as my sons in private school ( I pay the fees myself as he refused to contribute ) for school expenses . Uniform etc. Despite me asking him for half of the school uniform money ( he refused as usual) so now his stuck paying an extra £1800 per year serves him right imo

As I have a separate account every penny is accounted for He has never asked to see the account but he knows it's there and I'm happy for him to see the real cost of running a child especially one at private school it's more than my mortgage but I'm happy to make the sacrifice as I only have 1 child and can just about afford it as he has a generous bursary.

He recently took me to court for custody and when he found out how much he would have to pay ur rent for a bigger place , school fees etc he told the court he couldn't afford it !! I of course knew this from the get go but thought I'd let him find out for himself.

If the NRP thinks they can do a better job then I'd let them have a try you'll find they'll soon change their mind.

Funnily my ex has been very quiet since court , maybe the penny has finally dropped.

jjj1980

Oh goodness, I'm an RP and whilst I can see where the OP is coming from if he has concerns, it is totally unworkable.


My ex was emotionally, financially, verbally and on a few occasions physically abusive to me just before ad for quite a while after we split 6 years ago.


He still now makes sarcastic comments about child support payments. (CSA deal with it as it was in trying o deal direct with him that caused some of the worst abuse) His actual assessment is £109 per month, he is well over £1,500 in arrears and the case is with bailiffs. I am currently receiving £54 per month.


Just being a stubborn sod, I would gladly show him how much I pay in bills, (including the debts he caused but left me paying) shopping etc. LO is 6.5 years old and constantly growing. She went into age 9-10 uniform just before Christmas and size 13 shoes. The change in sizes cost £200 for replacements to make sure she had comfortable clothes and shoes. By March, she had gone into size 1-1.5 shoes and outgrown the length of her clothes so now in 10-11/11-12 due to her height.


My ex if he spots new shoes, trainers etc of hers will ask why she has been bought new items. My usual answer of "Because she needed them" must be wearing thin but it's true!


He also grilled me on why she was being allowed to "waste" money on gymnastics lessons. He was fuming when I told him the truth that my mum is paying for them as I pay for her swimming lessons. His answer is that he never got such things growing up so why should she!

eve31

jjj1980 wrote: »

Oh goodness, I'm an RP and whilst I can see where the OP is coming from if he has concerns, it is totally unworkable.


My ex was emotionally, financially, verbally and on a few occasions physically abusive to me just before ad for quite a while after we split 6 years ago.


He still now makes sarcastic comments about child support payments. (CSA deal with it as it was in trying o deal direct with him that caused some of the worst abuse) His actual assessment is £109 per month, he is well over £1,500 in arrears and the case is with bailiffs. I am currently receiving £54 per month.


Just being a stubborn sod, I would gladly show him how much I pay in bills, (including the debts he caused but left me paying) shopping etc. LO is 6.5 years old and constantly growing. She went into age 9-10 uniform just before Christmas and size 13 shoes. The change in sizes cost £200 for replacements to make sure she had comfortable clothes and shoes. By March, she had gone into size 1-1.5 shoes and outgrown the length of her clothes so now in 10-11/11-12 due to her height.


My ex if he spots new shoes, trainers etc of hers will ask why she has been bought new items. My usual answer of "Because she needed them" must be wearing thin but it's true!


He also grilled me on why she was being allowed to "waste" money on gymnastics lessons. He was fuming when I told him the truth that my mum is paying for them as I pay for her swimming lessons. His answer is that he never got such things growing up so why should she!

Ooh, he sounds like a right gem. If he was the resident parent he'd have such a shock on the costs associated with raising children. x

eve31

jondav wrote: »

I agree if the NRP is a waster as in your case, however that is not always the case.......some NRP's actually do the right thing and the RP (usually the mother) takes full advantage of screwing every penny out of them. The system is completely one sided and unfair.

The same as not every NRP avoids paying maintenance not every mother as you say takes full advantage and screws every penny out of the NRP.

Can you explain why you think the system is one sided and unfair?

missprice

jondav wrote: »

I agree if the NRP is a waster as in your case, however that is not always the case.......some NRP's actually do the right thing and the RP (usually the mother) takes full advantage of screwing every penny out of them. The system is completely one sided and unfair.

Maybe do a poll?

I am one RP who got next to nothing from ex.

In fact he paid two whole weeks of maintenance in over a decade.

Hardly screwing every penny.

And from others at the same time and since,it's the same story.

Do a poll and let's see just how many RPs get to rip off the NRP

missprice

jondav wrote: »

Yes - it is because the mother has all the rights. My partner always has and still does pay towards his children via the CSA which came about because the ex wife kept demanding more and more money from him. He refused and she raised a case with the CSA and now gets less than she did before. He has no access to the children, no contact, nothing. Just on her say so. He has no idea how the money that he pays is being spent, he has no idea if the children are in education / working etc. Tell me how that is fair?

It has been said many times now.
Money is nothing to do with access.
He still has no right to know what the money is spent on even if he was in contact with the children.
If they are possibly old enough to work, they are possibly on faceache. Try contacting them that way?

missprice

jondav wrote: »

I disagree - that money is for the children and not the mother, however this argument is almost as old as time and people will always see things differently.


I would also like to add that I understand that a LOT of men try to avoid paying for their children and of course that is not acceptable, however many mothers know how to manipulate the system and are also, let's say, "economical" with the truth and that is equally as bad. I notice that a lot of comments on here are from angry mothers with hopeless ex partners, but they are not all bad and those mothers need to see the other point of view.


We have tried all the usual things.....faceache (love that by the way!), twitter, tumblr.....anything that we know the kids were signed up to, but when we have found them and reached out, we have simply been blocked (I assume by the mother because the relationship with the kids was excellent up until an argument between the exes and then........nothing)

That money I agree is for the children, but unless your partner is handing over several thousand a month then he is not paying the full cost of a child. And even then if it was several k, it may mean that child can/ does go to a paid for school in which case several k a month won't go far.

As for mothers/RP being "economical" so are NRPs. Plenty change jobs as soon as CSA ( can't remember new name for it) catches up, or they go self employed or even on the dole. All to prevent RP getting any money towards a child they helped create.

So yes RP and NRP both play the system somewhat.

jondav wrote: »

Which is exactly my point.....you assume that because your ex didn't want to pay that no man wants to pay and that is completely false. You are basing your opinion on what has happened in your circumstances and that's fine, but not all circumstances are the same and a lot of men are penalised for trying to do the right thing. At the end of the day if the man (or ex man) is a waster......just remember that you picked him to father your child.

I did add that plenty around me at the time had the same problems getting money out of NRP. I still hear of the things NRP are doing to scupper payments.

And these days more and more NRPs are women. I can't with any certainty say they are any better or worse at paying support.

Eta yes I picked a belter of a father and your partner picked a belter of a mother to his kids

eve31

jondav wrote: »

Yes - it is because the mother has all the rights. My partner always has and still does pay towards his children via the CSA which came about because the ex wife kept demanding more and more money from him. He refused and she raised a case with the CSA and now gets less than she did before. He has no access to the children, no contact, nothing. Just on her say so. He has no idea how the money that he pays is being spent, he has no idea if the children are in education / working etc. Tell me how that is fair?

So if he pays the legal requirement via the CSA how is he being 'screwed' over. For context purposes it would be helpful to know how much he pays in child support. I would hazard a guess that the money is spent towards feeding, clothing, heating, electricity, educational and extra curricular activities.

Also you say children and then say his ex wife has 4 children by 4 different fathers, so I'm a bit confused does he have more than one child with his ex wife?

It seems perfectly fair to me he pays the legal minimal requirement.

eve31

jondav wrote: »

I disagree - that money is for the children and not the mother, however this argument is almost as old as time and people will always see things differently.


I would also like to add that I understand that a LOT of men try to avoid paying for their children and of course that is not acceptable, however many mothers know how to manipulate the system and are also, let's say, "economical" with the truth and that is equally as bad. I notice that a lot of comments on here are from angry mothers with hopeless ex partners, but they are not all bad and those mothers need to see the other point of view.


We have tried all the usual things.....faceache (love that by the way!), twitter, tumblr.....anything that we know the kids were signed up to, but when we have found them and reached out, we have simply been blocked (I assume by the mother because the relationship with the kids was excellent up until an argument between the exes and then........nothing)

If you are in a relationship with someone that has children from a previous relationship then you should expect that they should and do pay child support. I can't see what the big deal is, your partner pays what is required by the CSA.

With regard to the angry mothers comment, I see a lot of angry comments from current partners who don't like the fact their partner/husband has to pay child support and the partners/husbands ex are these manipulative awful women who keep the children from them screw them over for money.

It's important to remember that there are faults from both mothers and fathers. Each persons situations is their own and not to stereotype everyone based on your own situation.