New here and really need to sort myself out(please move if in wrong place)

cheel

Hi,

Just a suggestion, how about your partner going self employed window cleaning, mowing grass, cleaning.

I have some problems that I need to work around and self employment has been the best way for me to play to my strengths. I'm sure the job centre will be able to help (they did me) and dyslexic people ate often fantastic problem solvers, and free thinkers, brilliant Characteristics for a self employed person
Xx

gemmajenkins0208

He told me that he did try to once before a few years ago cheel, but there just wasn't the custom for him and he didn't last very long

I think if anything, that has put him off trying again, but the only way to find out is to do some research to see what people want most around here and then he can try and set up shop as something that the locals want

And Tiddlywinks, we were managing just fine right up until just after Christmas. Obviously Christmas itself is an expensive time, and I don't want to talk about it too much here but we had some other major things going on too. Luckily they are sorted now, but they sure have left behind their mess

maman

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Here're my thoughts after reading your last update. Some more straight talking from me but good on yer for taking it on the chin.

As well as 'taking it' gemma, I'm impressed by how articulate and well written your responses are. Call me old-fashioned (or worse;)) but there are so many posts on these boards that are written with the most awful grammar, spelling and vocabulary. I don't know what line of work you're in but with your standard of language you should be using it.


Conversely there are jobs that don't demand those skills which could suit your BF like most things on the manual labour side of things.


I'm assuming he put his name to a loan on behalf of your parents which is why you're paying it off for him. That's very commendable of you but when these loans are paid I do hope you draw a line as you shouldn't need to be bailing your parents out. I don't know the details of this but hopefully they're trying their hardest to pay them off too.


I can understand you keeping your finances separate in that what he has left after paying his rent and share of bills is his to do as he wishes. It's a shame he got involved in the loans in the first place.

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

You and BF spent £50 on a night out, you bought a new jacket, brows and nails done, new outfit for Christening etc etc but there's always a 'reason' to explain it away.

It's very understandable to want some sort of treat after working hard all month but tiddlywinks is right you really can't afford £50 on a night out at the moment (or more correctly £20 that you spent).


As you've just had your eyebrows done, you'll have the shape so just keep them tidy with a daily check.


And those chicken breasts you bought were an incredible price. I'd keep checking out YS shelves for meat you can freeze as that's probably the most expensive thing on the shopping list.


It all helps.:)

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

And Tiddlywinks, we were managing just fine right up until just after Christmas. Obviously Christmas itself is an expensive time, and I don't want to talk about it too much here but we had some other major things going on too. Luckily they are sorted now, but they sure have left behind their mess

Gemma I'm sorry to hear your family has had some recent troubles - life has a habit of throwing a spanner in the works sometimes.

That's why you (and the rest of your household) need to really get your head around finances.

For instance, Christmas happens at the same time every year - no surprises so it can be planned for over the whole previous 12 months. The same with birthdays etc.

Also, in one previous post you said 'We don't live beyond our means, but we do literally break even every month. We're basically living paycheck to paycheck'.

You need to look beyond each pay cheque - you are living beyond your means because you have debt and you aren't planning and saving for 'rainy days' or even known commodities like birthdays.

Vet bills, accident taking you out of work so drop in wages, washing machine goes bang etc etc. I know it's hard to save but stopping unnecessary spending is the way to go.

There seems to have been a long lead in to the financial crisis too - from your other thread, your mum had taken out so many door step loans that she couldn't get any more so asked you to get one for her.

So, the whole household needs to set a budget.

Your mum and dad need to sit down and really go through their income and outgoings. They should also seek help from a debt charity too.

There are six adults in your house - six lots of income (wage or benefits) should make managing very do-able but instead it's getting progressively worse. For instance your mum has just borrowed from you for dog medication which I'd guess is a regular outgoing.

If you don't tackle this now it'll just keep getting worse. You all need to take a long hard look at things and make some serious changes to your attitudes to budgets.

Those goodies - video camera, SLR, tablet and expensive phone - can all be sold to get some money to pay down the debt. It's time to make the tough choices.

In years to come you'll be glad you did.

gemmajenkins0208

Thank you both for your advice maman and Tiddlywinks.

Maman - I'm a retail assistant in Primark, on the tills I love having chats with the customers and asking what they've been up to especially in this lovely weather we're having! I was always good at English, all through school. When i was in year 3 i was doing year 6 spellings.

Tiddlywinks - yes, i think you're right. It is time to make some tough, brutal decisions.

I have been in work almost every day over the last week but i now have 3 days off so - weather permitting - and as always I'm going to start small, start on the gardens and sheds, and join all of the local facebook selling groups, tell my parents that we need to be brutal and list as much as i can on the groups for sale. I know for a fact that we have tents, bikes, lawnmowers and all that stuff that hasn't been used in years. If i can shift that stuff and make £80-£100 by the end of the week, I'll be happy, and it'll be a start at least. I can put it towards the loan i want to pay off.

I know there's a bunch of CD's in the house that haven't been touched in years either so i can take them into the city in to CeX when i have work next . I know they pay peanuts but it's a quick way to get them out of the house and out of our possession and they'll be loved by someone else.

Also if the weather holds up, my bf can finally do a bonfire to dispose of the masses of kindling wood and all the cardboard and stuff as the recycling men haven't turned up for weeks now :mad:

Tiddlywinks

Why are you doing everything yourself though Gemma?

Your BF could be doing stuff during the day as he's not working.

What about your mum and dad - do they work? Or your brother and his GF?

You're all in this together so they should be mucking in as well.

Before doing any more physical sorting your need to be sitting everyone down and going through the household budgets and spending. That'll be a far better use of your time.

You've all got to talk it through and the rest of your house needs to understand how serious the situation is and what they need to do to sort it out.

Don't take this all on your shoulders - delegate.

littlegreenparrot

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

He is looking for work, what he can do is somewhat limited though as he has dyslexia and his reading and writing is basically that of a 5 year old. He constantly asks the jobcentre for courses but they aren't putting him on any :mad:

Your bf needs to get in touch with the local college. If he doesn't have any english or maths qualifications he is probably entitled to free courses to up his skills while he's unemployed.

gemmajenkins0208

Thank you littlegreenparrot, I will tell him that.

Tiddlywinks, my dad actually writes out a budget every so often(can't remember if it's every week or every time he gets paid his benefits) but that's only for that period of time, he doesn't write it out for, say, a month, or even a couple of months or a year so he's not really looking at the bigger picture.

I work, my mum works and my brother works. The other 3 are in receipt of benefits. My brothers gf can't really do much financially as she has been wrongly in receipt of ESA and now has to pay it all back(over £2000) so we're leaving her finances alone and leaving her out of our mess so she can get on with that. She has ben told by the doctor that she needs to lose some weight and she could take our dog for walks every day but every time we try and say anything to her she runs off in floods of tears. :mad:

My bf does help out, he changes my bedsheets for me each Sunday, he keeps my room tidy if I'm working a lot and don't have time and there's an agreement between him and my dad that while he's out of work he is our 'resident handyman' :rotfl: Quite often actually due to my dad being disabled my bf will help him with things on the car and things around the house that my dad can't get down on his knees anymore to do etc.

Basically what has happened is that my parents have all the weight of it on their shoulders and they are trying to sort it out themselves, but I have overheard conversations and I really want to help, even if they refuse the help. My brother is paying off his loan(s) himself while also giving my parents rent money but I don't even earn a quarter of what he earns.

Tiddlywinks

Gemma, have a look here:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/Budget-planning?_ga=1.253058313.1096851747.1460508134

There's really good advice about drawing up a budget - have a read and then get your mum and dad (and brother) to read it too.

Your parents really aren't managing their budget - just the loans and the buying of expensive pressies show that.

They need to look at the whole of the year - because some bills are annual or quarterly - and then set aside money for the longer term expenses.

You really do seem to see all of this stuff as your responsibility - it's not. I know you care about your parents but you are not helping by bailing them out - they'll never sort themselves out if you keep stepping in. Plus, you need to start looking after your own future.

Back to your boyfriend, sorry don't mean this in a nosey way, why do you say he sometimes changes 'your sheets'? Does your BF have a separate room?

If you share a room then he's not doing you a favour by changing the sheets; he's just doing his share. You work, he doesn't so he needs to do his bit.

Also, what is he doing to find work. Dyslexia is not an excuse. It's coming up to peak tourist time in Cornwall... hotels take on extra domestic staff, grounds staff etc and there are loads of outdoor events that take on temps for marshalling etc. Has he tried registering with temp agencies?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to look after your own interests and not let others just bob along doing less and letting you pick up the slack.

gemmajenkins0208

Thank you for the link Tiddlywinks, i will show the family when everyone is home later.

No my bf and i share a room, but if i don't give him things to do to keep him occupied he will just sit in bed all day and do absolutely nothing, not even his daily job search(things happened in his life before i met him so I'm trying to help him gain that 'structure' again so he doesn't fall off the wagon again)

He does daily online job searches, we pick up our local paper every Friday and look in the recruitment section in there and we have several family members and friends keeping their ears open. When he had the car he used to be able to go out and ask around especially in very remote areas like going to farmers and asking them for work as that's what he really wants to do but considering current circumstances he is slowly starting to realize that he will need to be a bit more open minded about the kinds of jobs he applies for.