New here and really need to sort myself out(please move if in wrong place)

Tiddlywinks

Wow - your BF is 29? I thought he'd be much younger. He should be mature enough to get himself out of bed every day and do something productive and not need you to give him lists and make enquiries for him. Men of his age have families, a mortgage, go to war etc etc.

At his age, someone I worked with had four jobs to support herself and three children after her husband walked out. She had her main full time job (37 hours a week), a cleaning job at a local estate agent, worked in a chippy for three evenings and covered as a delivery driver for her local takeaway when anyone called in sick.

I'm not saying everyone could do that BUT she did it because she had responsibilities and people relying on her.

I think your BF might be taking advantage of the fact that his life is comfie just as it is. If he's managed to study at Duchy College then his dyslexia didn't hold him back there so why is he using it as an excuse now?

As suggested earlier, he could get a local gardening round or do rubbish clearance or household removals (hiring a van if necessary). How about odd jobs? There are loads of people who are 'cash rich, time poor' and will pay for washing, ironing, cleaning etc.

Why can't he take in ironing? Mow lawns. Get a domestic job in a hotel? Shelf filling? Warehouse work?

You're not in the middle of nowhere and Plymouth is only 20 miles away so there are literally thousands of businesses and tens of thousands of households which all may have jobs to offer... but they're not going to come to him.

How long has he held a paying job in the past?

You can't turn this around on your own and you shouldn't have to. Don't feel you have to do it all yourself.

Those other five adults need to do their bit too.

gemmajenkins0208

He dropped out of school as they weren't helping him with his dyslexia, so Duchy took him on as a pre 16'er(Duchy specialise in helping children with disabilities, learning difficulties etc). He was excused from doing most classroom work and allowed to mainly do practical work. Obviously there was some classroom work he had to do to complete the course, but he had an ancillary(?) sit in with him to help him.

Yes it would be a good idea for him to try and get any of the jobs mentioned, I have spoke to him and he has agreed it would be a good idea. Going to place an "available for hire" ad on Gumtree and Craigslist in the morning.

I'm not at all sure of his job history to be honest. What I do know about his past is what I have heard from his parents.

He's starting to apply for "menial" jobs now, jobs he feels he would be able to do other than farming jobs, because there just aren't any of them around right now. A friend of mine on Facebook was offering a labourer job just last night and my boyfriend emailed him for more info but nothing back from the guy as of yet.

cheel

Good luck with the labouring job �� will keep my fingers crossed x

gemmajenkins0208

Thank you cheel

gemmajenkins0208

I forgot to add that from clearing the 2 drawers yesterday I also found 2 packets of tissues that are going straight into my bag as my nose runs like a tap with the faintest puff of wind :rotfl: Also found 2 individually sealed antibacterial wipes that I will be using when I get round to deep cleaning my room to clean things like my computer keyboard and mouse, my phone, TV remote etc.

I completely gutted my wardrobe this morning between battling with the internet and helping mum too. And old laptop sleeve, 4 pairs of shoes that rub me way too much, 2 handbags, 2 purses and several pairs of jeans and tops that are either way too small or way too big bagged up to either try and sell or send to the charity shop. Everything left in the wardrobe now is in there comfortably and fits me properly. Yes I have made space for new things. No, I will not be buying new things! Well, I need a pair of flip flops/sandals for summer, but we sell them in work for about £3 so I will do that when I can afford to

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

I'm not at all sure of his job history to be honest. What I do know about his past is what I have heard from his parents.

He's starting to apply for "menial" jobs now, jobs he feels he would be able to do other than farming jobs, because there just aren't any of them around right now. A friend of mine on Facebook was offering a labourer job just last night and my boyfriend emailed him for more info but nothing back from the guy as of yet.

No paying job is 'menial' - every job (whether sweeping the streets, cleaning loos, wiping bottoms etc) is important and society would fall over if everyone just refused to do those tasks.

I also think you need to find out a bit more from your BF about his history... has he ever worked? He's living with you so it's normal to really know someone in those circumstances.

In the meantime he needs to volunteer to get something current for his CV and to give him something to talk about during interviews.

Him sitting at home all day doing his modelling is not an option. Especially f you see a future with him - do you really want to live like this forever?

What do you want out of life Gemma? You seem enthusiastic with a 'can do' attitude - start thinking of yourself and doing what's best for you. You can't save everyone - if the other adults in your household can't or won't try to get themselves out of a hole then you need to look after yourself and not jump in with them to help them dig deeper.

Big hugs to you.

Edited to add: don't throw or give the shoes away - there's a good market on ebay for 'well worn' shoes (wink, wink)... have a look and see what I mean.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Well-worn-trashed-ladies-slippers-/111979162236?hash=item1a127a6a7c:g:ZAYAAOSwYmZXHmNr

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/WELL-WORN-SHOES-/182101658730?hash=item2a661acc6a:g:J3sAAOSw3mpXGVIu

cheel

Ha ha tiddly wink!! I was just going to post that I needed to save for new summer sandals too!

Now I think I know how to finance them!! Lol!!

gemmajenkins0208

I stand corrected(totally brain dead today - must have been all that tidying up and internet fixing this morning! :rotfl: ) my bf did have a job at a scaffolding company for 6 months from not last October but October before up to last march. He doesn't have a CSCS card though so he was stuck on the yard every day painting the scaffolding poles and boards, greasing up the clips etc.

And i know you're going to ask - that job came to an end as the boss turned out to not be very good at being a boss at all. My bf jumped through hoops for him, saw lots of new employees comes and go and one day the boss just lost it for no reason and sacked my bf on the spot

culpepper

Have your parents gone through all their monthly bills to see if they can reduce them?
Energy/broadband/TV/insurances....
They can make a huge difference.
My Hubby has just converted his phone (just out of contract)to a monthly PAYG saving him about £300 a year and had them unlock it too for free.

We got our (metered) water bill reduced enormously by saving the water that comes out cold before baths and showers to use for loo flushing,floor washing etc.

We dont have TV now which means no TV license or cable costs (we only watch catch up or DVDs).

There is quite an interesting website called Downthelane which is run by a man who works on a casual basis all year round with some interesting advice about doing the same. Maybe BF can find some inspiration there.

gemmajenkins0208

Yeah my dad always looks for cheaper deals rather than renewing when it comes to it each year.

Oooh I'll have a look there and see if it'll be worth the bf having a nosey. Thank you