New here and really need to sort myself out(please move if in wrong place)

milasavesmoney

:think::huh:

armyknife wrote: »

No one expected the Spanish inquisition.

Not sure how a Monty Python quote applies?:think::huh::)

Stripeybat

Hi Gemma,

I'm new here too, and have found myself quietly following your journey so I wanted to pop my head in and said hi! :j

Well done for all that you're trying to do. Sometimes it takes an unimaginable amount of effort and work to break family habits that have been going on for a lifetime. I think you're doing a fab job The advice you've been given by some seasoned pros is invaluable, I hope it gets you on your way to independence and happiness

About your boyfriend... I hesitate to say this, and I so hope it doesn't offend. If it does, I apologise and please know I meant no offence But you mention your boyfriend struggles with dyslexia and issues remembering to do everyday tasks/gets sidetracked etc. It took my partner until his twenties to finally receive a diagnosis of Autism and this explained so many issues, including his dyslexia and the fact that he needs constant reminding of everyday tasks else he wanders off into a dreamland and it doesn't get done He always gets a bad reputation for being lazy and that's how it would read to everyone who doesn't know him. Obviously there's a lot more to it, and I honestly don't mean to imply there's anything 'wrong' with your fella. I'm sure he's a wonderful partner and maybe I'm way off the mark, but I just wanted to mention it in case he's struggling a lot for a reason. If not, give him a swift kick up the butt and get nagging

Make like Dory and 'just keep swimming' - you're doing great x

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Anyway, moving swiftly on to me sidestepping questions and such - I honestly do not know where I want to be 5 years from now. Not here, I know that much.

So, you know you want something more, something different... how do you intend to get that change to happen?

This is your life to live and control - at the moment you are just sitting back and letting it happen.

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

But I want to do it properly. I don't want to move out from my family and be supported by benefits just because they won't let me eat healthy or have got into some financial bother.

Why on earth would you need to be supported by benefits to live an independent life?

WHY do you assume that?

People of your age manage full time jobs, run businesses, fight wars, become MPs, are Police Officers, teachers etc etc.

You have CHOSEN to remain working part time and not seeking additional employment... you could have had two part time jobs if there wasn't a full time job available.

You could have been applying for full time employment all the time you've been working at Primark.

You live in an area that is rich with tourist related work - I visit Cornwall at least three times a year on and off peak and I see how the industry there survives by using migrant workers - some have limited English and yet they secure jobs and work hard to learn the trade.

If they can do it and survive without benefits, why can't you?

It really worries me that you've assumed by default that you couldn't provide for yourself... why do you think that?

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

I have very strong family values, anyone who knows me in person will scream it until they're blue in the face. I want to stick by my family through thick and thin, and I trust that they would do the same for me(which they have done in the past) even if that means helping get them out of financial bother(which I am also part of).

I have no doubt you love your family - most of us do so that isn't unique... so let's get this into perspective.

You are mid 20s and able bodied yet you only work part time and you live with your parents with no current plans to become independent... Your BF is unemployed, needs you to motivate him and seems content to just stand still.

How does any of that help the rest of your family?

You say they support you... well, not with this they haven't by what you've said here. Dad grumbles when you suggest stuff and mum bites your head off and refuses to talk about budgets. Brother is not interested and you have his GF having tantrums.

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

It is hard, even harder to get others on board, no doubt. But I am determined to make my parents see the error of their ways and they are starting to now.

As far as I know(and this is from asking, and a quick glance at my dads figurework - not guessing) they haven't taken out any loans for a while(at least 9 months maybe even a year) and do not intend to.

That's not what you said earlier in the week - you said that your mum would have borrowed money for foods to tide you over 'til next week if your dad hadn't received his birthday money.

You were all about to run out of food and no one had discussed it as a group and no one had a plan to address it.

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

The little changes I have spoken about really are helping. The shop that was done on Wednesday has meant we have had enough here to make meals from and had 2 NSD's(yesterday and today) and tomorrow looks set to be an NSD too.

Again, your mum refused to make a list and there is no meal planning so anyone can just go into the kitchen and decide to have a bit of a personal pig out and no one will be the wiser until the food runs out again.

Plus you were confident that the extra shopping was going to see you all through to payday.

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

That's my intention anyway, to go onto full time hours. Now that I'm on the living wage too(£7.20 an hour) it'll help greatly.

You should always have been striving for a full time job or jobs that make up a full time wage. It's what single adults need to do to pay their own way and live independently.

Sorry Gemma but I just don't think you understand how hard being an adult can be and that we just have to get on and suck it up.

There is no reason why you can't get a cleaning, domestic, bar job to make up some extra hours.

There's no reason then why you couldn't afford to get a house share and live an independent life.

There's also no reason why you couldn't save for a place of your own etc etc etc.

It is there for you to aim for - I just don't understand why you think it's impossible to achieve without state support :(:(.

culpepper

Sounds to me as though BF would benefit from doing up one of the bikes in that garden shed and popping home in between to lighten the load on the finances. A 15 minute drive makes it around 15 miles away and that is easily cyclable (even both ways in one day)plus the excercise would really give him a boost. Then he could use the bike for going to interviews too.

gemmajenkins0208

culpepper - now that's not a bad idea!

Why didn't i think of that!

Very MSE too!

milasavesmoney

You have gone really quiet and that is worrying. I think we need to quit giving you advice so much and start encouraging you for all the wonderful progress you have made. Keep posting Gemma. You are doing lots of positive things!

whiteguineapig

I think there has been a lot of criticism, its hard to change your own habits let alone other peoples, I thought she was doing well to even try

gemmajenkins0208

I'm still here, just been pottering along, and making the small changes as best I can.

It was my last day at work for 3 weeks on the 7th and I have been mega busy since then. I had a christening the following day and then since Monday I've been performing all the small jobs/repairs etc. that have needed to be done but work got in the way.

I've totally blitzed my wardrobe, got 5 bags to go to the charity shop later, I've been using the power of the internet to help me formulate styles out of what I have left and there are a couple of things I need to buy which will go with literally anything and I need some new work shoes for when I go back to work anyway so going to go to the city to get them tomorrow and perhaps the other things if I can find them cheap enough.

We all had a sit down the other day and discussed what foods we do and don't like. It may not be meal planning to the extent of you guys BUT it's a start. Mum now has a firm idea in her head of what to pick up not just when money is tight and she needs to get as little as possible while still feeding all of us, but when money isn't so tight and she can prepare some meals from scratch too.

We have all started to not just give rent, but also give my mum the money for each of our loans so she can ring up the office and pay them. For instance, I am on a waiver of £8 a week, so I gave mum £32 for the next 4 weeks out of my wages today, alongside the rent I usually give too.

I would imagine whenever someone's loan gets to a manageable amount, if they have the funds to do so, they will pay it off themselves. That's what I'm going to be doing instead now. Focusing on MY loans, paying them off in MY time when I have the money to do so. I'm sure I heard something about this in conversation the other day.

Not even a week into my holiday and about 95% of the jobs I needed to do are done!

That reminds me, I have found some goodies I'm going to take to the city tomorrow and pawn. I won't make much from them, but they are sat here gathering dust, and if I sell them, they will find a new home, be loved, and I'll get the space back and a bit of cash for it.

suki1964

Thanks for the update Gemma, I too was thinking about you yesterday but didn't get time to post

Any off your clothes you are donating suitable to sell? I use my local FB page as no fees. Even a couple of quid is better in your pocket

Good to hear you are talking about meals as a family, that at least is a start -well done.

The decluttering is great as well. Have you seen the threads on here? The KonMarie thread in particular. Don't forget, what you class as clutter another person may cherish, so offer up for sale anything and everything

Did your bf work on any of the bikes? Sounded like a great idea, both to occupy him and to give him a bit more freedom in getting around

cheel

Just popping in to say 'hi Gemma! '

I e not been around much either, I have been doing a good impression of stressed Eric tho!
Hope you are having a good holiday xxx