New here and really need to sort myself out(please move if in wrong place)

ChicaBonita

I have to put in my two cents here and say that for me, eyebrows are the thing I do not compromise on lol. I can do without hair, nails, whatever else, but my eyebrows are the THING. But, I am in a position where I am saving, rather than having to pay back loans, so my priorities are slightly different.

Gem, I would suggest (trying to sound as un-patronising as possible) that beauty treatments are set as rewards, rather than "I will go without this forever". Everyone has their own standards and things they like to be done in a certain way. Or, put aside a pound a week, or whatever it is, and then when you have enough get it done. I know the MSE way is to not get these things done at all, and do them yourself, but it's not always practical for everyone. If you're spending a pound a week on sweets or whatever, then that could be put towards something beauty related instead.

(ETA I just said a pound off the top of my head, I have no idea what you get done to your brows so a pound a week might not be enough :rotfl:)

ChicaBonita

suki1964 wrote: »

Truble is folks. Unless we do the WOW well done for not getting the full beauty treatment this month,we are acusaed of being harsh

Just want to say life is harsh and if a young lass want to moved forward to improve her lot and asks for help here, she may well get it, warts and all


For those slagging the ones actually offering encouragement and improvement , let's see what you have to offer


I post from my own experience. It's tough having sfa. It's hard to admit you need help. But sugar coating it just to stop hurt feelings is t going to do anyone any flavours

BTW Suki I actually felt bad for my posts after people came on here and said we were mean.....but we are doing it from a place of encouragement rather than beating someone down, so why should we feel bad?

Tiddlywinks

I think when someone's reached a stage where they've had to ask for a waiver to reduce their weekly payments to a doorstep lender then paying for eyebrow and nail treatments shouldn't even enter their head to be honest.

And someone needs to point out that big elephant in the room.

ChicaBonita

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I think when someone's reached a stage where they've had to ask for a waiver to reduce their weekly payments to a doorstep lender then paying for eyebrow and nail treatments shouldn't even enter their head to be honest.

True, but then it can be a reward for when those loans are up....?

Look, I completely understand where you're coming from. But just to say that for some people having to go cold turkey on what they perceive to be EVERYTHING is difficult.

monnagran

I don't usually involve myself in these sort of discussions but I think we all have to remember that all this OS 'thrifty' stuff is new, unexplored territory for gemma. She was brave to come on here and ask for help and of course she isnt going to understand immediately the things that are so obvious to those of us who have been doing it for years.

You are right when you say that pats on the back are not useful in themselves, but they can be encouraging for someone struggling with a completely new way of life and what's more trying to take a whole family with her.

It must be pretty confusing for them all. They are being forced out of their comfort zone and expected to accept a very different concept of how to live their lives. It is baby steps all the way. Gemma can't run before she has learned to walk.
It can be very frustrating when she doesn't seem to understand what we are expecting of her but she has come quite a long way in a short time. I don't think that she is being helped by certain members of her family but she can't be blamed for that.

Gemma, I apologise for talking about you behind your back, as it were, but we are all really, really trying to help you. Forgive us when we go a bit too fast for you, you will catch up eventually and it will all make sense.

I'll get my coat.

x

maman

I agree monnagran. Gemma is not in control of the situation as it's her parents' home so she has to tread carefully. She's doing well with what she can control like her room, clothes and using up toiletries.
The next priority is to get herself and BF out of the loans that she's taken out to bail out her parents, fortunately they're not huge so shouldn't take too long.

Meanwhile Gemma's doing her best to persuade the family to try and eat well and within their means.

Longer term I think Gemma needs to decide whether to leave home so that she can be in control, stay where she is but keep her finances separate while paying rent only or just keep muddling through hoping that one day the family will get on board.

Personally I think changing the mindset of the whole family is a huge ask but.....

What do you think Gemma?

gemmajenkins0208

Well maman, I think you are bang on. Also thank you to the rest of you for providing your insight, help etc.

Personally I'd love to move out and have my own thing going on and be in control and all that BUT I want to do it properly. Once BF gets a job, then we can start doing that. My family know full well as soon as BF has a job and has a car again the next thing will be us getting a place of our own.

But - like you said maman - the next step now is to get BF and I's loans paid off. Then once that is done, we'll just be paying basic rent to my parents and we can see where we are money-wise a bit better

Not heard anything from work yet about my hours but I knew that could happen so if they can't change my hours then I'll just have to plod along on the hours I'm on. I've managed it since Christmas.

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Personally I'd love to move out and have my own thing going on and be in control and all that BUT I want to do it properly. Once BF gets a job, then we can start doing that. My family know full well as soon as BF has a job and has a car again the next thing will be us getting a place of our own.

It's a 'chicken and egg' situation though isn't it? A change of location might help the job searching.

Renting a room together (shared house) in a nearby town or city might bring more options for jobs and make for a cheaper commute to work.

It would also give you control over your life.

Anyway, why does your BF need a car before you move out? That's not an essential item and will bring with it additional ongoing costs.

What's BF doing to get a job - it's coming up to peak tourist season with lots of outdoor events etc that tend to use casual / agency staff... he needs to get looking.

His course is not an excuse to stop looking - people regularly hold down 40+ hour jobs, commute hours a day on top of that and then still manage to run a household as well.

Anyway, does your BF share your plans for the future? What does he want out of life?

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Not heard anything from work yet about my hours but I knew that could happen so if they can't change my hours then I'll just have to plod along on the hours I'm on. I've managed it since Christmas.

Why not look elsewhere for a 'top-up' job?

Bar work, local takeaway, supermarket, local hotels etc.

There's absolutely no reason why anyone can't have more than one job at a time. Particularly as you're only part time at the moment.

You need to aim for 37+ working hours a week.

More hours = more money = quicker debt repayment = the sooner your new independent life can begin.

maman

Not sure if your part time hours are fixed or change week to week. If the latter then it would make a second job more difficult to commit to. Personally I'd put your energies into looking for a better job with more hours AND doing everything you can to help BF find something.

milasavesmoney

:wave:Hi Gemma

Hoping your holiday is going very well!

Remember, you don't have to answer all the questions people ask. You are doing really very well and I'm missing reading about all the money saving moves you are making in your life.