New here and really need to sort myself out(please move if in wrong place)

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Moral of the story - There are people out there in a lot worse situations. Also, while some may need to get all set up asap, if you're struggling, they your time will come eventually, and it could all happen very quickly

The world is a very different place now...

Resources such as social housing etc are tighter than they used to be.

At 25 - late 80's - I had a full time job, volunteered at my local youth club, was married and had a mortgage. All my own work and what was expected of people... to make their own way in life.

But, hey, if you're happy at 25 to be working only part time and living with your parents because you think you have all the time in the world then crack on.

suki1964

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Hello, I return!

Haha, but no seriously I haven't been on in a while so I'm just popping in to update:

The BF having a car - He's on £300 a month in JSA and when he had a car before his accident earlier in the year, he still had a good £100 left over after car costs. It's not about having the most expensive, latest and greatest car. He had something that was suited to his needs, was cheap to insure and he did pretty well with it.

My prayers have been answered, in the form of more hours at work. Had a phone call on Monday evening and been offered 20 hours a week which I accepted as it's better than the hours I'm currently on and definitely better than nothing.

Mum and I have been totally blitzing the entire house as she's finished at one of her jobs(long story that I'm not going to go into here) so she has more spare time and she has informed us that she wants to do a few car boot sales this year so we now have literally a boat load of stuff to sell at boot sales and the pile is still growing each day as we find things to add to it! The first one is on Monday morning(due to it being bank holiday) then they are every Friday - weather depending - after that until about October time.

I moved my room around the other day and now instead of it just looking like a mish mash of things and furniture, you can tell what is what, like my bed is

the centrepiece of the room(naturally!), there's a divet in the wall where my wardrobe and my old bedside table(actually a small 3 drawered unit) have gone and all my cosmetic bits and that sort of stuff, and then my PC desk and TV are in another area.

Gemma, 2/3rds of income on car costs just isn't sustainable

That's worse then paying 2/3rds of income on a mortgage, that would never be passed

I'm sure he would love the freedom of a car, but he can not sustain those costs whilst he's on JSA. It leaves him less then £25 a week to feed,clothe and house himself


Have you looked at the bikes again, see if you can get them roadworthy again?

Well done on the fixed hours. Seeing as you won't be working weekends, you could be looking at getting a sat or sun job somewhere else and put that money aside for your route to independence

Sorry your mum has lost one of her jobs. It's well and good saying oh but now she has more time at home, but the flip side of that is there is less money coming into the house. Car booting won't plug that gap, it's up to everyone living in the home to pull their fingers out and start putting more money into the pot

Don't know if you watch emmerdale. Well the Dingles have a tin and everyone under the roof is expected to put into the tin every day in order to support the family. Many years ago there was a programme called Bread and Ma Boswell got her tin out every tea time and everyone tipped in what they had earned, however it was earned. Nothing added and you didn't get fed. Old fashioned ways of how families with little or no gaurenteed income manage to get by - the whole family chipping in, even if it was just a paper round

I feel for you I do. You know your family aren't pulling together and you also know you want a better life for yourself. The only way I can see is for you to look after yourself, plan your future. Work at everything you can to earn the money for your independence. It's a scary thought moving out and having to do it yourself. I done it aged 22 and I had to work 3 jobs for 5 years to afford it. Every stick of furniture I had was donated, found, begged or borrowed. Never had a tv, just a radio, no phone, nothing. But it had to be done to keep a roof over my head, food on the table and bills paid on time. I done it alone, 2 of you and it should be a lot easier

ChicaBonita

I would be careful with the mindset that "it will come eventually", because these things don't just happen on their own. You have to lay the foundation for the future and set the process in motion to get where you want to be. Thinking that "it could all happen very quickly" will give you a false sense of security. The world is so tough now that we all have to be doing our best to get anywhere.

Is there a reason you can't work full time? I worked part time for a short while and it bored me to death...

maman

I don't want to read too much in to your parents' story gemma but it might explain where they are now.


Obviously your father can't do much about his health and I don't know how early he was forced to retire but it seems like some of their problems may have come from still living as if they still had a good income when it sounds like they had no savings and just had benefits. Plus there does seem to be an element of depression about.


I know you're pleased to have 20 hours a week and I'm pleased for you but it really isn't enough. Your dad did well for himself when he was younger and so could you. I'm worried that you do your 20 hours then go back into a home where doing very little and having very little money is the norm. Working hard on being mse and having a clear out is really motivating you and shows you have stamina and persistence. Try to put the same energy into finding a full time job.


I've complimented you before on your good writing skills, that's what interested me in the thread. Have you got any qualifications? Would you consider getting some/some more?

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Small story for you all though - When my dad was 35 he was still living at home with his dad, flitting between part time and temporary jobs and relying on his dad to bail him out if needs be as he had a car. He gave up work altogether and went back to college as a mature student as he didn't want to flit between jobs any more and knew that college would be a consistent thing for a year or 2. A few months after starting college, he meets my mum, a few more months later she announces she's pregnant with my brother. They get it all handed to them on a plate(a flat, benefits etc.) what with my mum being pregnant and both of them out of work. My brother comes along, my dad finishes college, starts applying for jobs based on the qualification he's just attained and he lands a trainee job at the council offices. Literally no more than 18 months to 2 years later he has been promoted more than once, earning in excess of 2k a month, they buy their own house and dad bought a new car and ever since up until dads health deteriorated and he had to leave work we were doing just fine.

It's also worrying that you see this as a success story - it isn't really - it's just an 'ambling along and sometimes getting lucky' story which, by the way, doesn't seem to have a happy ending as your parents are now struggling and haven't made any provisions for their retirement.

Do you really want that same life yourself? Always struggling and never really having realised your potential?

milasavesmoney

I think the story shows that, at any point in life, a person can change the direction of their life. He got serious about education and completed his degree.
You are very well written, and seem quite smart. You will find your path and make your way. Your dad is a fine example of what can be done, if you set your mind to it.

Best wishes for the Monday sale. It will be a great feeling to clear out stuff and make money doing it.

[Deleted User]

monnagran wrote: »

And as my late father was fond of saying, "God helps those who help themselves."

and my old Mum would say 'God help those who get caught helping themselves';)

gemmajenkins0208

Thank you all for the tips and advice

I was actually thinking the other day - before I came back on here - that with my new hours, I don't start until after lunch, so if I can get another part time job that's in the mornings in the town where I live, then go home for lunch, then head off to my other job in the city?

We did look at the bikes while I was off, and they are beyond repair unfortunately Rusted to high heaven, both chains broken on them and a couple of the suspension springs are broken(I blame my brother for that one! he cut the grass the other day and I heard him literally throw the mower back into the shed :mad: )

I do have qualifications - 2 binders of them in fact! - but sadly not in fields I want to have a job in. I have my basic GCSE's etc, but the other qualifications are either where I wanted to be with my friends at school so chose the same courses as them, or where the jobcentre put me on courses.

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

I do have qualifications - 2 binders of them in fact! - but sadly not in fields I want to have a job in. I have my basic GCSE's etc, but the other qualifications are either where I wanted to be with my friends at school so chose the same courses as them, or where the jobcentre put me on courses.

I'm going to get straight to the point.....

You are 25 (a fully paid up member of adulthood) yet you've been happy to bob along with a part time job and no real plan.

In all the posts on here, when you've specifically been asked about your plans, you've never mentioned an area of work that you were aiming for.

Achievements don't just happen - you need to actively do something to make your hopes become a reality.

So, what kind of career do you want? What have you done to work towards achieving it?

You could be taking part time study with a local college or the OU - I managed to successfully study with the OU whilst working full time and having family commitments. It is very do-able. Location is no object either.

You know what? I think you're content to sit back and do the part time hours because that pays just enough for the odd trip to the pub, nail and brow treatments etc.

If you REALLY wanted to have a career then you'd already be working full time and studying to make it happen.

You post on here telling us stuff that you think we want to hear... we're just random strangers so no need to fool us.

Either you want your situation to change or you don't - it's all in your hands.

I just can't get my head around a grown woman - single, able bodied and intelligent - just working part time and living day to day... that doesn't fit with the story you're telling us.

monnagran

Gemma, is there any reason why you have to go home at lunchtime?
You may have more chance of getting a morning job in the city where you work in the afternoons. Take a packed lunch with you and all is well. Just don't rule out any possibility. Take any job that's going and that you can possibly find the time for.
Will you be tired? You bet! Will you resent having to work so hard? Sometimes you will, without a doubt. Will it be all worthwhile in the end? A million times YES.

At your age I was teaching full time, doing home tuition for a disabled child after school every day, running a youth club 2 evenings a week and in the school holidays I looked after a family of children with a single Dad.
I'm not blowing my own trumpet, many of us were doing the same sort of thing. Sometimes I didn't know how to put one foot in front of the other but when I married we had the deposit for buying our own house.
My brother also taught full time, gave music lessons in the evenings and weekends and worked on building sites in the school holidays. He also had the means to start buying his own house when he was married.

It's no good waiting for the stroke of luck. I've never known a stroke of luck.
It's hard work that will get you where you want to be. Don't expect it to be a barrel of laughs but the satisfaction you will have when you see your savings mounting up is unbelievable.

You won't be 25 for ever. The work that you put in now will make sure that when you are 35, 45 and 55 you will be reaping the benefits but you have to start putting in the foundation now. Otherwise you will be building your house on sand and we all know what happened to that.
You are not doing this alone. We are all applauding from the side lines.

JackieO: that is exactly what we used mutter under our breath when Dad delivered his virtuous axiom.

x