New here and really need to sort myself out(please move if in wrong place)

gemmajenkins0208

I said all along that I will be putting in the request on my last day before holiday, my wording may have changed slightly but not once did I say "I have put in the request. Now to wait to hear back" or some such.

Anyway, moving swiftly on to me sidestepping questions and such - I honestly do not know where I want to be 5 years from now. Not here, I know that much. But I want to do it properly. I don't want to move out from my family and be supported by benefits just because they won't let me eat healthy or have got into some financial bother. I have very strong family values, anyone who knows me in person will scream it until they're blue in the face. I want to stick by my family through thick and thin, and I trust that they would do the same for me(which they have done in the past) even if that means helping get them out of financial bother(which I am also part of).

I do apologise if I have sidestepped various things that I have been asked, or if it seems like I'm not taking advice on board. I am, it's just it won't be like a light switch, as in 'Mum, this needs to change', 'oh yes ok I agree' *pays off debts, !!!!!!, gone* everyone's happy again.

milasavesmoney

Although I'm starting to sense you are feeling a little beat up by all these questions, please please know they are being asked with concern and with the very best of intentions on your behalf. We truly want you to be in a stable, debt free situation where you can have a fulfilling life. We want you to be happy.

I think one of the main things no one has said is that poverty can be generational. We are wanting to help you break away from the pattern of always worrying about how you can make it till the next month if you don't borrow money. I'm not saying you currently do this, but Gemma this does seem to be the pattern your parents have set. When you finally do have a place of your own, children etc we want you to have all the skills necessary to live debt free, except for a mortgage and possibly a car payment. We all see your intelligence. We all see you are a capable woman.

Full time work is a start in the right direction. When you say 'more hours' I truly do hope that's what you mean, full time. The absolute first thing you need to do is set up a saving account and don't tell ANYONE about it. That way, no one will ask to borrow money from you.

You are truly a lovely caring person. That said, you never ever need to be an enabler.( Here, I'm not speaking about your parents.) I'm gently bringing up you BF. If he is incapable of getting or keeping a full time job, I'm not sure what kind of future you could envision with him. I don't know how long you have been together, you may have said and I don't remember. I can see you love him. But a true partner gives the same or more to having a future together. Just something for you to consider.

I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with you brother's girlfriend but perhaps, while you are off and taking over the cooking, you can invite her to help you with meals. Get her in the kitchen talking and then say oh can you chop this while I do this other. Just get her set up and help her if she doesn't know how. Or start more simply by saying can you get this out of the fridge and I need this much. She may be totally clueless and need lots of encouragement but make it a fun time between you. You guys can learn and have fun doing it. She will feel a part of the preps, it will give her experience and help her confidence.

My best to you from across the pond.

ChicaBonita

Hi Gem,

I didn't mean to sound like I was calling your boyfriend an invalid. I only meant to say that someone with little to no motivation can soon become a drain on someone else.

I think you have done well to come this far this quickly, and I don't want to take that away from you. I also think you need to be a bit more selfish. Being traditional in the family sense is lovely, but NOT if it negatively affects you.

Not everyone has a 5 year plan - I didn't have one until this year really. But it is definitely something to consider as a means of motivating yourself. Have a think

Obviously I don't know the complete ins and outs of your situation, so you can take everything I say with a pinch of salt. But I think our age is the best time to really lay the foundations for the years to come. Especially with the economy the way it is!!

CB x

gemmajenkins0208

Thank you milasavesmoney.

It is hard, even harder to get others on board, no doubt. But I am determined to make my parents see the error of their ways and they are starting to now.

As far as I know(and this is from asking, and a quick glance at my dads figurework - not guessing) they haven't taken out any loans for a while(at least 9 months maybe even a year) and do not intend to.

The little changes I have spoken about really are helping. The shop that was done on Wednesday has meant we have had enough here to make meals from and had 2 NSD's(yesterday and today) and tomorrow looks set to be an NSD too.

As for the savings account - I do have one, and there is money in there. Not a lot, but I'm not saying how much either Oh, and I do earn interest on it.

As for my BF, he does apply for jobs, but then they write back saying either he's not suitable, or they've already filled the position etc. It's a damn slight harder to get a job nowadays than it used to be.

That's my intention anyway, to go onto full time hours. Now that I'm on the living wage too(£7.20 an hour) it'll help greatly.

gemmajenkins0208

No it's ok ChicaBonita, I think I took it the wrong way more than anything! :rotfl:

Yeah I will have a think about it all

monnagran

Gemma.

I have just written you a long message that you will be relieved to know disappeared into the ether when I touched 'post quick reply.

Here is a quicker one.
I have grandchildren your age sweetie, so I have seen it all.
Do what you are doing but take mila's advice and set up a secret savings account. Be like a greedy little magpie and put everything you can lay your hands on into it. Gloat over it because it is your ticket to a little home of your own eventually.

Just one thing more. You can never change the people around you. The only person you can ever change is yourself and, my darling, you have made an impressive start with doing that.

Just another one thing more. You are only responsible for you. Not for your family. Not for your bf. Neither are they responsible for you.

Good luck and keeping reading the threads on this forum.

x

gemmajenkins0208

Thank you monnagran

As said in a previous post which you probably missed I already have a savings account set up

armyknife

No one expected the Spanish inquisition.

suki1964

armyknife wrote: »

No one expected the Spanish inquisition.

And this is helpful in what way???

There are plenty of us trying to help this lass, many of us trying to show and encourage her to make changes

Sometimes what may seem to some are impertinent questions. But without defined answers we can't help Gemma move onwards to where she needs or wants to be

Now I'm glad you have joined this thread, you obviously see. It a different way and your views are as welcome I'm sure

maman

armyknife wrote: »

No one expected the Spanish inquisition.

Could be wrong but I read this differently. I assumed it was a way of saying that gemma's coping well with all the questions and comments.
I'm sure we're all trying to help in our own way.