New here and really need to sort myself out(please move if in wrong place)

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Literally, in this house, just when we really truly need it, money seems to sprout from nowhere

I have tried to find out where it comes from but i never get an answer.

Very strange...

You're just having a laugh now aren't you?

Money doesn't just 'sprout' up.

If it does just appear for you then you have no problems at all do you? All your budgets will be easily taken care of.

gemmajenkins0208

I think mum borrows it off people which is obviously not very good at all.

Seriously Tiddlywinks, of course i don't think money just 'sprouts up'...

I'm detailing things the way I see them, but trying my best to learn new things, like how much we have left owing on loans etc. so i have the facts etc.

suki1964

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Literally, in this house, just when we really truly need it, money seems to sprout from nowhere

I have tried to find out where it comes from but i never get an answer.

Very strange...

Not to be rude, but perhaps another loan? From a friend or family member or an advance on wages?


Gemma, you must see that the way you and your family are living is not sustainable, not if you and your bf ever want to have your own independence

You have seen yourself how much your complexion has improved just by maintaining a good hygiene routine. Imagine how much your finances will change if you can take the help you are being offered on board and get the family - as all six of you- on board as well

My husband has taken a 50% pay cut the last year. My earnings have been very sporadic to say the least. But we have no debt, can afford to go out at the weekends, live a good life ( if not the most exciting )

Because his wage is needed for the upkeep of three of us, I've made it my job to make sure every pound I spend goes as far as it can. I've slashed the food shop from £80 - £100 a week to £35 Because I'm home more then I work, we grow veg and I've now got hens. I sell the surplus eggs which pays for their upkeep. I scratch cook everything. Today's dinner for three people has come in at around £2.50 ( including the electric) and there will be two or possibly three portions of quiche left for the freezer

Yesterday's dinner was £3 with a portion left for my lunch today and tomorrow's will be about the same

Nothing here gets thrown away. The scraps of the pastry I made was enough for 4 jam tarts, a treat for the lunch boxes tomorrow. The quiche was made from a half packet of Lardons and a ropey leek which were the left overs from a turkey pie I made Monday. I plan that every thing I buy can be used in two or three dishes before it goes off. Yes I spend a lot of my day in the kitchen or garden but what else would I be doing with my day. To me this is my real job, keeping us fed and watered and making sure I've money in the bank for those emergencies that crop up all the time so we don't go down the road of high interest loans

Gemma, you have come on so far, you are waking up to your families situation and you are obviously not happy with it else you wouldn't have posted origanly. I really do hope you stay with us and take the help And encouragement we are offering

gemmajenkins0208

My dad and i don't like waste either so we make sure all foo gets used up and as little as possible(ideally nothing) gets thrown away.

I am trying to take on board the advice given and talk to my family and let them know we are not in a good place. It's just getting them to listen! But i think it is slowly working.

As they say, slow and steady wins the race. I know this isn't a race, but you know...

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

I think mum borrows it off people which is obviously not very good at all.

Seriously Tiddlywinks, of course i don't think money just 'sprouts up'...

I'm detailing things the way I see them, but trying my best to learn new things, like how much we have left owing on loans etc. so i have the facts etc.

Well, in order to learn the facts, you need to know where your mum gets the extra cash.

You're all adults so when your mum said to you all that there was no money until next week how did all of you react? Didn't any of you start discussing how you were going to manage for the week?

Honestly, communication seems to be the biggest thing missing in your household.

You need to all start talking and planning the domestics - oh, and those who don't have a job need to pitch in around the house.

Plus, as adults, everyone needs to understand that money is tight so they can't always have what they want when they want it. They'll just have to suck it up and eat the cereal - even if it's for lunch.

Hard choices and actions - that's the only way.

gemmajenkins0208

Yeah i know Tiddlywinks.

I think my words are starting to get through to them now so hopefully with me scouting for good foods as cheaply as possible and making homemade, fresh meals as often as possible while I'm off from Sunday then hopefully we can start to see changes.

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

They have just come back and we now have a fridge full of healthy options and they only spent £20.

What did they get with the £20? Maybe if you post the list on one of the planner threads (or start your own) then you'll get some tips on making it go as far as possible.

You all need to have a plan on how to make it stretch or someone might cook it all up for one big feast.

gemmajenkins0208

Mum's made a mental note, but she still has the list she wrote before she went shopping. I think she's going to cross things off as they get used and make a new list for next week(don't ask - her way of doing things apparently)

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Mum's made a mental note, but she still has the list she wrote before she went shopping. I think she's going to cross things off as they get used and make a new list for next week(don't ask - her way of doing things apparently)

So, nothing's changed then.

How about all of the practical 'easy to do right now' suggestions that have been made throughout the thread?

1. Post a list of everything you have so that people can help you plan.

2. BF volunteering to boost his CV.

3. Get everyone together and talk.

If your family members aren't willing to even discuss finances and start planning costs and controlling overspending then you're flogging a dead horse and might as well just give it up.

If your BF isn't prepared to get out and do things to improve his CV and improve his position then you need to accept that he's probably always going to be unemployed.

So - basically - no one seems to want to change so nothing will improve will it?

You just need to decide whether to live with it or move on... sorry but that's the harsh reality.

maman

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Mum's made a mental note, but she still has the list she wrote before she went shopping. I think she's going to cross things off as they get used and make a new list for next week(don't ask - her way of doing things apparently)

Each to his own I suppose and although you're grown up now she's still your mum and it's her kitchen to a degree. To me it's probably much the same principle as your dad being defensive and snappy when you ask questions about money as he probably feels a bit impotent at not coping with the family finances as 'head of the family'.


Unfortunately, by pulling the rest of the family into their debts by getting you and BF to take out loans on their behalf ( I think I'm right about that?) they've given you the responsibility of getting them out of a mess but refusing to give you the power to do much about it.


Obviously one answer is for you and BF to make a break and move out and then you'd only have him to get on board. Taking on 5 others with varying degrees of support is so much harder. All you can really do is keep plugging away until they support you and make small changes as you go.


As you're off next week and plan to do some cooking you need an input into what your mum is writing on that list for next week. Otherwise all you'll achieve is giving her a bit of a break (which is good of course:)) and cooking up chicken nuggets or whatever she gets in!;)


I still think decluttering your own room, the garden shed and as much of the rest of the home as you can is a good idea. I think the physical clearing up clears your head and makes you feel more in control (if that makes sense) especially as finances are a bit out of control at the moment.


You've not really answered much about what your dad, BF and brother's GF do with all their free time. Any chance they'd help you with a clear up?