New here and really need to sort myself out(please move if in wrong place)

suki1964

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Thank you for the tips, both of you.

It's my dads 65th birthday tomorrow and we aren't doing much at all for it. Not because we don't have the money to, but he said himself he doesn't want a big fuss.

I think i will sit down with everyone tomorrow and say 'look, we can't keep going on like this. We all know that we all need to eat, and eat well. 3 of us need to lose some weight(my dad, brothers gf and me) so we need to look at not only healthy foods, but less of the convenience rubbish and calorie filled snacks, and try to get it as cheap as possible, even if that means visiting the stores in the evening to get it YS.'

Here Gemma , no one is saying no treats or celebrating birthdays and there is nowt wrong in buying ys. I myself am not on the breadline as yet but I refuse point blank to pay more then I feel I can afford on food, having a good time etc.

My vice is wine. I like a wine or three I can't afford wine and concience food. So I buy cheaper food and cook from scratch and make it interesting and healthy so I can afford a bottle of wine without breaking the bank

You have three weeks off soon. How about you take over the budget and meal planning for then? Tell everyone what you want from everyone, make a meal plan and rope everyone into helping you get good food for a reasonable price into everyone


With the help you will get from here, you can easily get it in under budget and have enough left over for a treat of take out or a few beers. And if you can lead by example it's going to go a lot further then nagging others to make changes they don't see the need of

My mum thinks nothing of spending money on food that ends up in the bin because she's not looked at the meal plan and contributed towards that. I don't begrudge mum buying whatever she wants but at times it's silly things that will only feed one person as a snack, she then changes her mind or gets so full with the family meal, it rots or gets fed to the dog or chooks. It's taken me 5 years for her to see the light and she's now more likely to spend her money on milk or bread

You do need to work as a family, not 3 households living under one roof

maman

suki1964 wrote: »

Aww Gemma you do have your work cut out for you and I do really admire that you are trying to sort things to help your family

Completely agree! I don't think you're wasting your time using stuff up whether it's ice cream or body cream, it has to be better than wasting it and buying more.
But others are right, your family need to make fundamental changes if they want to make inroads into the debts.

gemmajenkins0208

Yeah we are hoping for an NSD today as we have something to make a meal with tonight for tea and for lunch and breakfast people will just do what they usually do which we always have things in the house for anyway

Yeah as far as I'm concerned, as long as I'm not spending more money on things we don't have, it's saving money for the things we need.

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Yeah we are hoping for an NSD today as we have something to make a meal with tonight for tea and for lunch and breakfast people will just do what they usually do which we always have things in the house for anyway

Yeah as far as I'm concerned, as long as I'm not spending more money on things we don't have, it's saving money for the things we need.

But is everyone else also cutting back? It doesn't sound like it from your other posts.

Why are you still living at home? A house share would be cheap enough and you can choose where you live and save on travelling costs.

I just think you will be hitting your head against a brick wall for a very long time in trying to change people that don't really see they have a problem.

At your age I was married, had a mortgage and my mistakes and successes were my own.

Don't you fancy the chance to be your own woman? Buy the food of your choice, cooked the way you want it? Not be dragged into spiralling debt because of unwise choices out of your control?

It's your life Gemma, give yourself a chance to live it your way.

gemmajenkins0208

Yes Tiddlywinks, I do, but...

Mum went to talk to our loan rep yesterday(she lives up the road so no travelling involved ), the loans are coming down well. The rep has all the books and is totting them up, requesting balances etc from head office so when we get those back we will see where exactly we are with them, and mum even agrees that paying off the smallest ones first will be the best course of action.

Dad had cards etc for his birthday today and in one of them was a cheque for £50(not from any of us) and it cleared immediately after he put it in the bank this morning(something to do with faster payments and the fact it was the same bank as my dads that the cheque came from) so my mum has gone to morrisons(brother works there so we get discount) to get some healthy bits in and 'raw' foods for meals to tide us over until everyone gets paid next week. I suggested some meals for the next few nights and she instantly knew what to pick up and jotted it down on a list.

I told her don't forget to look in the reduced sections(she doesn't understand the term 'YS' :rotfl: ) especially for meats or things that will last over a few meals rather than snack sized things etc.

She mentioned that it is getting warmer weather and it would be nice to start having salads for tea soon with various toppings of peoples choice(grilled chicken breast, egg etc.) also she did mention that Morrisons do a similar deal to Tesco with the 3 for £10 meats etc.

She even said to me 'while you're off from next week why don't you make some meals?' This was exactly what I wanted to hear! so providing she has heeded my words with regards to the shopping I will be doing just that!

Tiddlywinks

If your brother works at Morrisons can't he have a word and keep an eye open for jobs for your BF and his GF? At least getting the 'heads up' early will give them time to get an application in.

Our local Morrisons is quite small but there are lots of local families here that have quite a few of them all working different departments and shifts.

Your dad's windfall is a great surprise but the fact it was spent so quickly just goes to show that your family are 'spenders' not 'savers'.

It's worrying that you have to explain to your mum why looking for yellow stickers is important. I mean, it should be her first thought on going food shopping... 'how am I going to get the cheapest but healthiest food'.

In her financial position, random grabbing of items is not the best way to plan budgets.

Anyway, your mum goes out to work so why can't she have a rest whilst you all draw up a list and then your BF and brother's GF can be sent out to do the fetching.

As to using your holiday for cooking - my suggestion is train the others. Get them up and say 'right we're having xxx tonight so BF can you wash and chop these, brother's GF can you peel these' etc.

Why should you do it all? Get them involved, they might enjoy it.

Get them researching meal ideas on recipe sites and YouTube.

Make them understand that there's no such thing as a 'free ride' in life. They're not living in a hotel - it's time they pulled their fingers out and started acting like part of a group not just individuals.

I know I sound hard but I am seeing this from the outside based on your posts - don't enable their inactivity by doing it all yourself.

They've all got something to gain from this so get them roped in too.

Tiddlywinks

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

cheque for £50..... so my mum has gone to morrisons..... for meals to tide us over until everyone gets paid next week.

Just been thinking about this.

So, if your dad hadn't received his present (which he wasn't expecting), how were you all going to support yourselves until next week?

That money would have been better spent paying it against the debt as you were all prepared to manage without it.

gemmajenkins0208

Mum would have spent minimal amounts every day on single serve foods for that day only, which would have cost more in the long run, that's how.

They have just come back and we now have a fridge full of healthy options and they only spent £20.

So the remaining £30 will go against the debts now.

Tiddlywinks

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

So, if your dad hadn't received his present (which he wasn't expecting), how were you all going to support yourselves until next week?

gemmajenkins0208 wrote: »

Mum would have spent minimal amounts every day on single serve foods for that day only, which would have cost more in the long run, that's how.

They have just come back and we now have a fridge full of healthy options and they only spent £20.

So the remaining £30 will go against the debts now.

Your explanation makes no sense you surely must see that - you all weren't due any money until next week so whether your mum spent daily or weekly she would still only have had the same money in the pot - so whether that pot was divided by daily or bulk spending that was all there was.

So, how would you have managed? You all must have had a plan about how to feed six adults for another week?

gemmajenkins0208

Literally, in this house, just when we really truly need it, money seems to sprout from nowhere

I have tried to find out where it comes from but i never get an answer.

Very strange...