large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

Jagraf

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Necessary as it is at times, watching the pennies can be very wearing, can't it? When I was in that situation it was always simpler to just do something else.

Yes - we were talking about this at the weekend. Very very uncomfortable.

Pollycat

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I've never had any problem sharing in a variety of restaurants and in several different countries. Particularly with puddings it's quite common to ask for one portion and two spoons.

There's sharing and then there's standing up, leaning over the table - usually complete with drinks - and taking something off someone else's plate:

Pollycat wrote: »

I think the only appropriate time to share food is when youve gone to a restaurant where it's usual to order a range of dishes and share e.g. Chinese or Indian.

Someone we know feels it's acceptable to reach over the table and take something from her husband's plate - quite often with her fingers.

I think it's a disgusting way to behave and we decline any invitation to eat out if they are going to be there.

Accetable to you?

I do get the shared pudding thing but as I never order one, I don't share.

TBagpuss

silvercar wrote: »

I disagree. I would feel uncomfortable if someone came with for the company but couldn't afford to eat properly. I would far rather that we had discussed beforehand and gone where they could afford.

I make the same decisions. If someone invites me to dinner at somewhere beyond my budget I would decline, but if they make a date to go out and then discuss where we are all comfortable eating it is more sensible.

But why would you assume that they were eating less becuase they couldn't afford it? It might equally be that they didn't have a large appetite. If someone came out for a meal and only ordered a main course, i would not automatically assume that they were broke or that they were not ejoying themselves.
I would normally assume that as adults, they are capable of deciding for themselves wheat they want and what they can afford.

Of course in many cases it is practical to discuss where you plan to go and therefore to take into account eveyone's preferences, but sometimes that isn't possible, or someone may find that they have less spare cash available then they expectred, at the last minute.

onlyroz

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I've never had any problem sharing in a variety of restaurants and in several different countries. Particularly with puddings it's quite common to ask for one portion and two spoons.

One pudding and two spoons is totally different from offering somebody a morsel off your own fork.

duchy

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I've never had any problem sharing in a variety of restaurants and in several different countries. Particularly with puddings it's quite common to ask for one portion and two spoons.

But doesn't that mess up your rule of everyone ordering three courses .....or can you only do it if there are an equal number of people so everyone shares (whether they really want to or not )?

Pollycat

Jagraf wrote: »

No one tells anyone anything. You don't stand there with a rid of iron denying someone a pudding.

I suppose there is no right or wrong - just what we all feel most at ease with.

But as I don't eat puddings, that would mean I was limited to one course if the general concensus was that it's mains & pudding.

Perhaps that's why we tend not to eat out with other couples - we like to do things our way.

Georgiegirl256

Jagraf wrote: »

As I said, to me it's not at all bizarre. To you it is. It's the same if we have dinner guests, we all eat the same courses at the same time. we also have family get togethers and we all do the same (very large extended family). Our group of girlfriends do the same. And our work colleagues. And also myself and my husband. So, to me, it's not bizarre. And to you it is.

Different strokes for different folks I guess

To me, what would really spoil my enjoyment of an evening is if I was looking forward to a particular starter only to be told that because the majority were having puddings that I couldn't have it and would have to have a pudding instead. Would totally take the shine off my evening tbh.

But yeah, like I said earlier, I never even realised it was a thing that people did. Definitely a weird eye opener this thread, that's for sure!

pigpen

Homeownertobe wrote: »

Seriously? You wouldn't share a bite of something with your own family?

And you don't talk about how good the food is? Where on earth do you eat? I'm assuming not actual restaurants.

No.. how difficult is that to comprehend?? .. MY food is on MY plate.. NOONE touches it.. they can have my leftovers (HAHAHA as IF!!) Why would I want your saliva or my partners or my mothers on MY cutlery or food?? Why would I want fingers in my dinner that someone had had up their nose or in their ear or down their pants?? They might have just sneezed on their hand then touch MY food??? Why would I want any of that.. it is thoroughly disgusting! Just because some people have the manners of pigs doen't mean we who have pleasant hygienic manners are wrong!

And children are the filthiest little bits of grot ever to be invented.. they aren't even allowed to LOOK at my food they contaminate the world lol

Why would I talk about food when I can talk about politics, health, news, weather, pets, etc?? There is so much more going on in the world than the sausage and mash (in non-onion gravy) on my plate!!

I eat at home usually.. I have 3 or 4 places I will go to eat based on the cleanliness and service and quality.. I really struggle going different places.. some are a bit weird about letting you look at their kitchen

PasturesNew wrote: »

Word of the Week!!!

LOL/list. ASD?

If so, me too.
If not, you should be

I love the word too .. if it even is one

I think most of my my famiy are way up there on the spectrum.. 2 of my boys have been diagnosed.. I am certain I have ADD at best.. my mother is utterly OCD (not of the cleaning variety either!) We have our own little collection of crazy!

silvercar

burnoutbabe wrote: »

what do people do when they have their £10 but some bright spark pipes up "lets all pay for the hen/birthday person" etc.

Say no?

(i do think its very rude to suggest this, out loud at the meal, but then even if suggested before, its hard to say no to it anyway, so you'd just have to refuse to go)

Was at a tea recently that was in honour of the mother of the bride. It was meant to be the MOTB plus 11 of her friends. We had agreed in advance that we would all have the set tea and pay for the MOTB. So we knew in advance that the cost would be say £12.

At the last minute MOTB decides to bring the bride along + bride's best friend. Much texting ensued. Obviously couldn't expect the bride to pay for her own tea, let alone chip in for a share of her Mums. So suddenly we are now all paying extra for the bride. But what about the Bride's friend? As it happened the bride's friend's Mum was one of the guests, so she felt obliged to pay for the full cost of her daughter, to avoid any embarrassment by discussions across the table. So her bill suddenly went from £12 to £25!

TBagpuss

missbiggles1 wrote: »

. However, he would never have spoiled the occasion for everybody else by sitting with nothing in front of him while everybody else felt guilty because they had decent appetites.
[...] That's the polite, thoughtful way to go about doing things - being part of the occasion, enjoying what you can and not spoiling things for everybody else.

I think it is terribly sad that he and you felt that he had to order courses he didn't want, and couldn't eat, in order to not 'spoil' things for others, and would think any 'friend' who would make a judgment like that was very shallow.

If he wanted to taste a range of foods but couldn’t finish each dish then that's different, and there is no reason why he (or anyone in the same position) shouldn't order what they want even if they don't finish it, but to order food you don't want because another diner might, hypothetically, feel that their meal was 'spoiled' seems foolish.

The polite thing to do is not to order food you don't want, but to not comment on what other people are (or are not) eating.

It would only be uncomfortable if the person who didn't order chose to then sit there like a martyr, making comments about wishing they could afford it, or alternatively making comments about how unnecessary / fattening the dish was.

I would be absolutely horrified if I had ordered (say) a starter and later realised that one of my companions had ordered a starter they didn’t want or couldn’t afford, in a misguided attempt to be ‘polite’ or ‘thoughtful’. It would make things very uncomfortable indeed, far more so than if they simply said “I’m not that hungry, but go ahead” or “I’m saving myself for dessert, but go ahead”

In my experience, it’s not uncommon, particularly with a larger group, for some people to have more courses than others. I’ve only ever had it seem uncomfortable when there has been an additional factor (such as the time one of the people at the table started explaining, in graphic detail, the ‘detox’ diet they were following, and what the food we were eating might be doing to our lower intestines…)