Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

dekaspace

Got back from Christmas yesterday and during the night that relative has begged for money again, I didn't send it last time but disgusted and upset how they expect me to pay out my disability money for them and don't care about my own mental health and getting me into debt for themselves.

System

Belated merry christmas swain bought me a giant unicorn, going to be fun taking that back on the bus :rotfl:

found out my paternal (bio dad) grandad died the other week. Feel like i shuld feel something but i feel nothing. always got the impressionhe never liked me, he was always cold to me as a child (mums theory was he was punishing me for being half hers) and i hadn;t seen or spoken to him in about 12 years. Its left me with questions though. Like i am 100% sure im going to be ok if my bio dad dies? its morbid but its something i have to think about, my mum and (step)dad are both worried i'm going to regret having no contact. Tbh i cut him out because i didn;t feel he'd been a good dad and that i was better off without him in my life, but deep down did i do it because i didn;t want to deal with the truth and accepting him for how he is? I've always been adament that if he could admit he'd let me down i could try and give him another chance, but with my wicked witch of a stepmother involved that is never going to happen. Last time i tried talking to him she constantly butt in and had to have her say even though she wasn;t around for the majority of my life when he was my dad. So i'm conflicted at the minute.

Izadora

MU - It's a completely understandable thing to worry about and it's possible that you will end up regretting cutting contact with him but it's also possible that reconnecting will cause you more issues than the regret would. I think all you can do is try to decide which one is likely to cause you the least harm and worry as little as you can about how the other option would've panned out.

Pyxis

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Belated merry christmas swain bought me a giant unicorn, going to be fun taking that back on the bus :rotfl:

found out my paternal (bio dad) grandad died the other week. Feel like i shuld feel something but i feel nothing. always got the impressionhe never liked me, he was always cold to me as a child (mums theory was he was punishing me for being half hers) and i hadn;t seen or spoken to him in about 12 years. Its left me with questions though. Like i am 100% sure im going to be ok if my bio dad dies? its morbid but its something i have to think about, my mum and (step)dad are both worried i'm going to regret having no contact. Tbh i cut him out because i didn;t feel he'd been a good dad and that i was better off without him in my life, but deep down did i do it because i didn;t want to deal with the truth and accepting him for how he is? I've always been adament that if he could admit he'd let me down i could try and give him another chance, but with my wicked witch of a stepmother involved that is never going to happen. Last time i tried talking to him she constantly butt in and had to have her say even though she wasn;t around for the majority of my life when he was my dad. So i'm conflicted at the minute.

Izadora wrote: »

MU - It's a completely understandable thing to worry about and it's possible that you will end up regretting cutting contact with him but it's also possible that reconnecting will cause you more issues than the regret would. I think all you can do is try to decide which one is likely to cause you the least harm and worry as little as you can about how the other option would've panned out.

I agree.

I would add that it might be an idea to get down on paper all your feelings about him, past and present.

The reason for this is twofold.
Once he is gone, you are likely to have bereavement issues that you never thought you'd have. However, the bereavement is more likely to be the 'loss' of the father you never had, rather than the loss of the one you did have, and the finality of the fact that there would now be no chance of him ever being the father you wanted him to be.

The things you have written down will help you with that.

Secondly, once someone is gone, over time, (and it may be over a long time......years and years), memories mellow and blur and regrets set in. Having your feelings written down will protect you from any potentially damaging effect those regrets might have, as your writings remind you of what you have gone through.



On the other side of coin, there is also the possibility that one more meeting might reinforce your opinions of him, and the realisation that he hadn't changed, although painful in the short term, might free you from any regrets.


It's a difficult decision to make, but you will know what's right for you. Go with your gut instinct, rather than what you think you should do.

Pyxis

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Hello Siriki and welcome to the thread. What massage? You seem to have launched off halfway into a story! Also, is your dog really called Gitdog? We already have one of those - maybe yours should be Gitdog2 or GitdogUSA?

There can only ever be one Gitdog!


Maybe Siriki's dog, being from the States, could be Gitdawg?

seven-day-weekend

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Just to the local town, shopping.

And now I have to announce, proudly, that we officially have the sweetest little, most MSE Christmas tree in the world. With the one caveat that I have just spent £15 on lights for it.

It's the first time I've had a Christmas tree for about 20 years, but people are coming to us this year so I felt we ought to make an effort of some kind. Didn't get round to doing anything about it, though. And actually - yes, I know they are grown specially, but I don't like the idea of killing Christmas trees for the sake of being up for just a short while.

Anyway....

My neighbour walks her dog all over the place, locally, and 'adopted' a very nice little tree (about 5 ft high, and perfectly shaped) from the local boarding school. They had thrown it out at the end of term. She decorated it, but then threw it out herself when she set off north to HER family. She was going to shred it, but was delighted when we adopted it (it still looks totally fresh and bushy, BTW. Obviously a very well-bred tree from the beginning!)

So our dear little Christmas tree has had 3 lots of decorations and 3 'families' this year! Do I get a prize for being especially [STRIKE]penny-pinching [/STRIKE]MSE?

(WaS, if you are reading, I really hope Lucee likes this story) xxx

Aw.... I love it!! Well done little tree!

spirit

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Hello Siriki and welcome to the thread. What massage? You seem to have launched off halfway into a story! Also, is your dog really called Gitdog? We already have one of those - maybe yours should be Gitdog2 or GitdogUSA?

This poster is trolling on all the boards today by copying other posts or part of and posting as above.

Edit to clarify that siriki is the troll.

Pyxis

:eek:

What's going to happen to little tree now? :eek:


http://www.andersen.sdu.dk/vaerk/hersholt/TheFirTree_e.html

jobbingmusician

Yes, I knew that story (lovely to hear it again, as I just had a faint memory of it) - that's why I was so pleased that our little tree has had THREE families, THREE lots of decorations and THREE homes. And it really has brought us a lot of pleasure! (But I know I'll be sad come Jan 6th)

jobbingmusician

spirit wrote: »

This poster is trolling on all the boards today by copying other posts or part of and posting as above.

Edit to clarify that siriki is the troll.

Thanks spirit. I did check posting history and decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. MSE Towers seem to agree with you though - now PPR'd, I see.