Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

calleyw

Oh HBS, pleas do not beat yourself up that will only make it worse. You did it, you know it was not a clever idea. So in the words of the famous frozen song let it go. As this will start a cycle, which you really don't want to start. Have a massive hug.

I am having a I am big fat pig in lipstick day today. I don't know what to to with my hair. Chop it off, keep it. It looks ok first thing after it has been brushed but as the day goes on it looks like rat tails. My roots are showing and I needed to re-dye it. I have the dye but not sure incase I go orangey as I do dye my hair blonde and I have funeral to go on friday. No idea what I can fit in to to wear. Just feel a mess. Even when I take my time to put my make up. I look in the mirror and think I look like a clown because a 5 year old has put it on!!!!

I am going through the whole what skill set do I have and what do I have to offer people thing at the moment.

Got someone to measure up for windows this evening and really can't be arsed to tidy up.

I know AM loves me very much he tells me all the time. But I still can't help think why???? He tells me all these lovely things about me and I am like what are you on about. I know its the one thing he would love to change about me is my lack of confidence.

Right going to go out for a while and see if that helps my mood.

Everyone take care.

Yours

Calley X

codemonkey

Hello everyone



Hbs penguin

I've done this a million times, and each time I hate myself and then 'punish' myself by not eating. Do not do this! That locks you into the cycle. So, you messed up. Your punishment was the fall-out (literally) of the laxatives. Take a probiotic to ward off potential gut imbalances and forget about it. It's just a blip and it will be OK.

Long Penguin about my dad, sickness and hospitals

My dad isn't any better. In fact, he's worse. He's going downhill. Everytime we think we're getting somewhere and there's a wee bit of progress, they find something else. He's on a drip. He hasn't had solid food for over a week, he's on morphine and he's shrunk down to an old man in a hospital bed. And to be honest, I don't know if he'll get out of it again. It's breaking my heart to see him like that and a very mean part of me is thinking that if he is going to die (and I hope he isn't, but it doesn't look good), it would be better if he just got on with it because this is just draining everyone and my poor mum needs a rest.

From a purely selfish point of view (because I am a selfish creature), I'm exhausted. I've been going there everyday after work, which means finishing work after a full day, getting a bus, then a 15 minute walk, then another bus to the station, followed by a train. He hasn't actually been awake much, and the one time he was, he told me to leave, but I go anyway. So I haven't been home before 10pm for a week. I'm living off takeaways and lunch time sandwiches and I may be the only person in the universe to gain weight when I'm stressed. I'm tired, I'm ridiculously stressed and I had to make a doctor's appointment because I'm having random muscle spasms (and this is gross), I'm bleeding from my bum - to the point where I had to check if my period had come because there was blood everywhere, I have stomach cramps and I'm so bloated I look like I'm smuggling watermelons under my dress. I can't share this with anyone as they're all worried enough. And I'm just into week 2 at the new/old job so feeling very unsettled anyway. Plus they're making promotion noises and I can't even think about that now.

I did manage to laugh earlier when I was booking an appointment with the doctor. So, my GP has introduced the horrible idea of receptionist triage, where you have to tell the receptionist what's wrong and they decide if you need an appointment. So she booked me into an early appointment in a couple of days then asked what I needed the appointment for. I told her it was for rectal bleeding and she told me I'd have to go in through the back door and I started giggling like a 12 year old :rotfl:

Sorry for the ridiculous whine which ended up being more about me than my dad. I have nobody to say these things to, so it just came pouring out.

System

tea_lover wrote: »

Eek - have just seen your other post about fit notes MU. I'm so sorry, I totally missed that one at the time!

A fit note is only advisory, so the employer can (with reasons) chose to do something different to what is recommended. However, if your GP is able to provide a fit note with mention of a 6hr limit it could certainly help. The occ health team will also be able to discuss / recommend changes to working hours / shift patterns without a fit note - so if you're not able to get one it won't mean that nothing can be done to help.

I know it can seem scary and judgemental but I can honestly say that my experience of occ health has been that they really are there to help the employee find ways of staying in work. Managers can often be quite fixed in their way of thinking, and sometimes quite simple adjustments just aren't thought of. Occ health can be a great link between employees and managers - and help both sides to see things a bit differently and think of possible solutions. They are definitely not there to manage you out of a job or punish you in anyway x.

Thanks tea shall try to see they are there to help not scare me

Went to my appointment, must say he was a brilliant doctor, very helpful. I discussed work and without me even saying anything he started writing a fot note to support me with work. So that takes a weight off my shoulders. He's put my increased meds on a repat script, and he's going to write to the CMHT to ask them to see me (he said he wasnt sure if they would as i'm stableish atm but he said he reckons it would be beneficial to me so he'll see what he can do). So all in all a productive appointment. Might be a few months before i hear back from CMHT but at least the wheels are in motion.

System

Sorry things are hard with your Dad right now Code, trying to cope with that on top on not feeling well yourself is a lot to take on. You need to put yourself first for a sec and try and get yourself in a better place. Otherwise you'll hit burnout and that won;t be good for you or anyone else. Its hard looking after other people, sometimes we don;t have time or forget to look after ourselves too. *sending gentle squishes*

System

Penitent, sorry that its all a bit much atm. If it was family member who invited guests is there anyway they can ask instead of you how long they noplan to stay? They invited them so it should be them asking it instead of putting you in the position where you feel more awkward. I hate having guests (my room feels like my only safe space if that makes sense?)

At least then you might get a timeline of how long these people will be here. Its understable that it is overwhemling atm.

Waves_and_Smiles

Big hugs code, hang in there. Sending lots of energy to you and your dad right now. It is ok to think of you, you are important!

HBS, hugs to you too, It was a blip, we all have them. Stayed curled up in the warm today.

Glad the doctors appointment went well, MU. A good doctor rezally does make all the difference. CMHT may see you for a little while. They kept me on the books for 2 years after I was stable just to make sure.

Hello Pentitent! Welcome to our thread. Don't worry this is a safe place, nothing scary happens here and hasn't in literally years. I do understand how you feel, I managed to leave the house twice last year and haven't been out at all this year yet. I positively hate people coming into my flat, I am usually found hiding in the bathroom with the cabinet against the door.

I think you should send that text message. I do better if I have definite arrival and leaving times. Do take breaks even if it's disappearing to the bathroom. I always figure a bathroom visit every 45 minutes is reasonable so will disappear then and just breathe for a while. Post on here as much as you want to, sometimes just having a place to scream can help. If all else fails feign a headache and escape to bed. I do that when I really panic and become a small, shaking lump under the duvet for a while. Do you have any hobbies that use your hands? I tend to make wool poms poms if people are around, I look present but really I zone out feeling the wool in my hands and the act of fiddling with something lowers my anxiety. Hang in there and remember it will come to an end.

elsien

Code, I felt the same as you when I was visiting grandparent in her care home. And I wasn't going every day, or having to stay out as late. It's ok to need some balance and some time to yourself. It doesn't make you a selfish person, it just makes you normal.

Waves_and_Smiles

How are you doing, elsien? Hope things have calmed down a little. Is Gitdog being kind to you? Dare I ask?

elsien

Gitdog is Gitdog.......

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahahaha! You mean he is as adorable as always! He is clearly an angel, give that poor boy a treat and a cuddle!