Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

codemonkey

Thanks tea. I had a mini panic attack last night thinking about going into work. I know going back to the old place will have its problems, but it's got to be better than this.

How is the job hunting going tea?

tea_lover

It's not really happening! Am definitely in the "too down to do anything about it" stage right now.... for which I will, of course, blame hormones as ever.

I've done literally nothing today - even some really small stuff that would take like 5 minutes...... just nothing. Which will make tomorrow even more of a horrible panic when I'm back in the office but I just have zero motivation. I still haven't even got dressed.

Monday and Tuesday were both 15 hour days (involving flights and other such nonsense) so I can't even bring myself to feel bad about doing naff all today. Which would be ok if it was a one-off to recover from long hours.... but is becoming more and more my default position. I'm finding it incredibly hard to do anything and it's definitely being noticed.

Heard nothing else from big pay cut job (closed on Monday) so looks like that one's out.

Waves_and_Smiles

Hi all! Massive hugs and warm handshakes, I missed you all! I am ok now I think, I wasn;t but I am doing better.

Penguin about psychotic depression-

As you all know I take death very badly and I was still grieving for my 21 year old friend when my old teaching friend died (that's not my teacher friend, it's another teaching friend). It triggered my psychotic depression and after a day of being really irritable I began feeling like I was dreaming for seconds at a time and would forget what I was doing and having weird actual dreams. This quickly escalated to weird thoughts, everything from dying my hair rainbow colours to hurting myself and using the blood to paint. I spent a day thinking people were dying on purpose to send me a hidden message, people I knew and celebrities, and spent hours trying to crack the code. That was followed by a huge drop in mood and a feeling of complete emptiness. I rate my feelings on a scale of 1-100 (CBT technique) and at one stage I rated my wish to suicide at 75. It is the closest I have come to admitting myself to hospital for a while.

I doubled up my anti-psychs and I feel more grounded, I still have moments of feeling confused and unreal but I think the worse is over. The depression is better although I still feel pretty worthless to the world and myself. I just don't really see what the point of me is right now. End penguin

heartbreak_star

We love you, WaS. We really do!

All any of us can do with our lives is to love and allow ourselves to be loved. Anything else is just "stuff" at the end of the day.

HBS x

codemonkey

Tea, I've done exactly the same amount of work as you today. Same story - too down/hormones. I did get dressed but only cause DA dog needed a walk.

It's only Wednesday tea - they probably need to sift, and if they don't get in touch, it's probably because they think you're too good.

Welcome back WaS. We missed you.

tea_lover

WaS!! Have been thinking about you my lovely, glad you're feeling a bit more grounded. Hope you continue to feel better xx

heartbreak_star

i ate a whole bag of fizzy strawberry sweeties and now have sugar crashed...

Oops.

HBS x

Izadora

(((( WaS )))) I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better and hopefully everything will carry on improving.

I'll have to come and join the "can't be bothered to do my job" camp. There's not really been all that much to do recently but it's so dull and demotivating here that even when there is stuff to be done I find I can't be bothered. It's all pointless and nothing I do makes the blindest bit of difference to company performance so what's the point?

Waves_and_Smiles

Aww, thank you my friends. Fortunately, I am now well enough to realise I am not well which is progress. There was a potentially catastrophic day when I decided I needed to do good for society and had tapped the number of the DWP into my phone to cancel all of my benefits and find a job (which I somehow thought I was going to walk into 2 hours later). I am relieved to say the least that I didn't do that!

The Christmas decorations are still up, I know it's ridiculous but I don't have the energy. Also does anyone have any idea how to comb out a huge matt from hair? I have thick, wavy, long hair and I haven't brushed it for 3 weeks. It is now just a massive lump.

Izadora

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Also does anyone have any idea how to comb out a huge matt from hair? I have thick, wavy, long hair and I haven't brushed it for 3 weeks. It is now just a massive lump.

My hair's quite fine and straight so I don't know if this will work for you but whenever I've had really stubborn knots I get it wet, put on as much conditioner as I can get into my hair and leave it for about half an hour.
Then, working my way up from the tips, I make sure I've got hold of my hair just above where I'm trying to de-tangle and, in very small sections, try to loosen the hair out with a wide-toothed comb. Once I can get that comb through I go through the sections again with a thinner comb and keep going until it's kind of back to normal.