Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

tea_lover

Oh faerie, I really don't know what to say but I so wish I could think of something that would help. Have Shelter been able to give you any advice?

faerielight

thanks guys.. there are no landlords or agences in brighton that will take HB now., the list is void.. my friend was evicted last year and I went through every agency on the list for her and they all said they were annoyed that the list is still being given out as they no longer take HB I called every agency in brighton and none took hb and she got moved miloes away from here and was unable to get to the bpd centre.. .. I am so screwed.. i saw my keyworker yesterday and she said that the bpd mh support doesnt count as a reason for a vulneralbe adult to be housing in brighton .. the only difference with me is that i have physcal disabilities/illnesses but my care ageency manager also said that wouldn't count as a reason to be housed here.. rent has been capped at #650 and rent in brighton for a studio flat is on average 800 850pcm so no landlords are willing to take on hb because it's likely they wouldnt afford the shortfall and you can only get discretionallyhb top up if you're an existing tenant and your rent goes up.. they wont give it to you of you take a flat that is more that HN max and more than you can afford.. I dont have any spare money to top up rent anyway as my dla goes to my care agency and my motability car lease.. this is not lookig good and i am flipping my lid..

When my landlord changed to this agency, and this agency is known as the housing Mafi as it doesnt take HB tenants and have so many rules and regulatations , when he moved me a month ago the 1st dicumewnt i signed was to say that my periodic rolling tenancy from the last 5 years still stands, I kept asking for a fixed term tenancy for some housing security, but the nandlord kept coming back saying he doesnt want me to have a fixed term as he wants to get me out easily , now he's dadded on this extra break clasue of 2 months notice to quit but i havent signed it and they seem unable to explain why i need to sign it, when the periodic tenance has a 2 months break clause anyway. I havent signed it but I'm getting multiple emails and calls a day, pressurising me to sign, and the document clearly says that the rolling periiodic tenancy ends on 18th dec.. I'm trying to ring shelter but it's impossible to get through as they dont put you in a queue, I've been trying for the last week. I'm so terrified.. there aren no options and I cant problem solve my way out of this..I'm seriously suicidal here.. I drank last night for the 1st time in years and I self harmed.. what on earth are people supposed to do when noonne will help them with housing? this is insane

whitewing

faerie,

please, please, please don't take up drinking again. There is a mse thread somewhere on that that will give you support.

please try not to self harm. I care.

onomatopoeia99

Mindful of how I almost always miss the films I want to see, I have for once organised myself and am at the cinema, waiting for Star Trek also treated myself to a comfy seat and cinnamon popcorn (yummy).

Georgiegirl256

Hugs ((((Faerie)))) Some good advice from WaS, WW and Lambyr, hope it helps you.

That last dress especially is fab code, and would be perfect for your outfit! I haven't had any emails off eBay either....yet!

Belated hugs for yesterday for whoever needed one, and there seemed to be quite a few.

Cinnamon popcorn sounds really nice ono. I love all things cinnamon. Enjoy the film!

faerielight

thank you so much lambyr.. that is so kind of you and tea, waves and ww

Wellyboots6

Was late home from work this evening as got a flat tyre and realised my pump etc were in bearded ones car. Had to call him to come and sort it out.
Luckily I'd stopped next to a pokestop so got a few bits whilst waiting for him.
Silver lining and all that!

codemonkey

What everyone else said faerie. Some great advice there. And it seems Lambyr is ready to go into battle with you, so you're not alone.

Have emailed the seller to see if they can make it long enough for me as 38" would be mid calf. Curses to my tall form. Been looking for a top to go with it. Nothing like costume shopping to make me feel fat, dumpy and ugly. In what world is a size 14-16 a 6xl? I know it shouldn't matter but it does There's a photo in existence of me and 3 of the other girls going and because they're tiny and skinny, I actually look like a giant. I don't look fat, I just look like I should be living up a beanstalk.

Hope star trek was good ono. Never much of a trekkie (trekker?). Someone once got very irate at me for asking if they were a trekkie. I've just watched zootopia which is amazing. WaS, I don't think there are any triggers in it and it has sloths so you could watch.

tea_lover

Morning all, how are my fellow pokemon hunters getting on?

faerielight

Lambyr.. sorry I didn't reply much to your lovely post yesterday, I've been so hysterical, I have been crying rivers, I lost it so badly yesterday at the drs reception. they had to put me in a room and shut the door I was freaking out the patients.. you gave me some really good suggestions, and your pst was so sweet I do have a few months so at least they gave me a heads up, but the constant emails pressurising me to sign this break clause is really doing my head in.And the cut off date being a week bewffore xmas has really frightnened me.

. my friend has offered to go to the cab for me as I'm getting so hysterical, I don't seem to make much sense to proffessionals as I cant stop crying and panicking.. it's really nice of her, I think she's going to go in the next few days and she's going to come round tday to help me with tidying my flat for the dreaded inspection on fri.. I must keep it together for thaay, I dont want to lose it with the entourage that are coming to take pictures and inspect my flat.. I dont know how I'm going to hide my cats though, or whether it's ok, because I was allowed them with my old agency.

I think the 1st thing i need to do is get this inspection out of the way, and I really do need to try and get hold of shelter to find out if this document does mean a 6 month fixed contract ending on 18th dec or whether it is just for the break clause, but either way I cant sign it, because I will give them permission to get me out before xmas.. I've bidded on a couple of council flats, even though they both say no pets . one is up a flight of stairs which i would find so difficult with my disabilities, but maybe if i get on the counci ladder I could do a transfer. the other os a mobility 2 wheelchair users and I dont use one , my grading is a mobility 3, so I know i wont gewt that, but i havent bidded for months so at leaast it will get my bids up a bit.. my dr is writing me a letter to the council, they are processing my forms , I know I wont get up to band a, but it cant harm to try.

I think ive been so depressed for such a long time, and everything I've been through medically and psychologically the last 5 years had hit me , the ptsd os so severe,I've had so many brutal surgeries, so many life threatening emergencies, it's blowen my brain out. I cant envisage any sort of future where nothing more bad and scary happens to me for a while. I feel so fatalistic that this bowel thing and the terrible hospital will kill me eventually, and giving my cats away and being socially cleansed away from brighton in a scary b andb, and giving my cats away seems logical to my blown out depressed trauma'd out mind.

And all the housing benefit cuts and this terrible political situatiion where the disabled and mentally ill have beenv demonised by the government doesn't help either as renting is so difficult now here. It's not the 90's any more, unfortunately.. I will contact caroline lucas, she fought the hospital so many times for me in the last 5 years , she's a good mp but she cant work miracles.. I got her fighting to try and lift the 'positicely contributing to siciety' sanction on bidding for half the hgousing stock, but she couldnt get it lifted.. It is clear disability discrimination for those that can't work, but the council know the loopholes.

I also think the gynae appnt last fri was the straw that broke the camel's back.. it just made me feel so devestated tat my 5 year battle to get some answers about the lass of sexual function and gynae pain that I've suffered with ever since that 1st bodged bowel surgery, and being told I was wasting their time and ending up being sent back to my gp where i started from 5 years ago, along with not being allowed to see the one dr who can help me with this, or at least get me some answers, made me go really insane. I'm getting such awful flashbacks of all of it, from fighting for my life to having a colostomy for 3 years, it;s like I;m tripping constantly with rolling flashbacks, plus the sadness of everything I've lost from all the medical stuff, I just feel like I'm grieving constantly.

I really hope my 2 male friends come back.. I definately declined rapidly when the frind who i spent most evenings with went really insane and stopped being able to speak or see me. I lost a lot of company and love and it has been so hard without him, and I really hope my other ale friend, who was my guarantor comes back. I know it's difficult for hi to be around me as I'm so emotionally unstable, and mentally ill..My emotional intensity is off the ricter scale, He's been so angry with me for the last 2 years that I didnt bounce back from everything ive been through. He's been so intolerant of my mental illnesses.but I havent been able to control it.

Another thing that didnt help was the med mistake last week when the chemist took me off all my posyc meds by mistake.. I've been very psychosisy , hearing voices and so confused ever since.And the last factor for my insanity is the prolonged insomnia of sleeping 2 or 3 hours max, hasnt helped. I asked my dr for some vallium and regular sleepers and he agreed so hopefully some sleep will help. thanks everone for being so supportive and not getting angry or frustrated with me.. I really appreciate it, and Lambyr.. when it gets nearer the time I will engage social media.
So there;s been a lot of contributing factors to this insanity, I just hope I find a nice home for my cats and i, and that nothing more awful happens to me for a while to givew me a chance to heal.