Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

POPPYOSCAR

Torry_Quine wrote: »

MU I hope that you got the help you need today.



Just popped in to say that I'm not coping any better. I'm either scared I'll be like this for ever or that I can enjoy life without him which feels wrong. I'm guilty for so much, even being here without him.

I've contacted Cruse.

Torry you will never feel the same again and why would you?

I think you have to learn to live a different life and there is no timescale for that.

I am sorry you feel guilty I expect he would not want you to feel that way.

Do you not feel that he is still with you in some way?

Torry_Quine

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Torry you will never feel the same again and why would you?

I think you have to learn to live a different life and there is no timescale for that.

I am sorry you feel guilty I expect he would not want you to feel that way.

Do you not feel that he is still with you in some way?

I mean that I am scared that I'll be totally lost and inconsolable for ever. I can't believe in a different way to live, it's so wrong.

No I haven't felt him with me at all. I haven't dreamed about him either.

geminilady

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I mean that I am scared that I'll be totally lost and inconsolable for ever. I can't believe in a different way to live, it's so wrong.

No I haven't felt him with me at all. I haven't dreamed about him either.[/QUOTE

It will get easier,maybe it is still too raw to dream about him.i used to dream about my mum and it was nice in a way,hope cruise can help

geminilady

MU Please update when you are up to it

mellymoo74

I was just coming on to check if you OR MU had posted Torry.
Its still raw, cruise are a resource I found really useful hopefully you will too.
I posted the text number for the Samaritans I thought it might be helpful for when people need support but can't face speaking to someone.
MU hope the doctor was more helpful today.

System

geminilady wrote: »

MU Please update when you are up to it

So. i got an emergency appointment, and the ntes that weresupposed to be faxed over by mental health tea hadn't made it so i was greeted by a confused GP (not my usual one), i told them what i;d been told last night and basically ended up near enough begging for something to help me sleep as i feel like i just need some kind of reset, and in the past that has helped before when i've been like this. She agreed to a weeks supply (fine by me i only need like 1/2 nights to reset my sleep) and has reffered me back to the mental health team. I did call them again actually after my appointment and they said they had definetly sent it last night, but that they;d send it again.

Didn't really sleep last night and my sense of time has gone out of the window. It wasmy ffirst shift at my new shop. ididnt start till 4pm but about 12, my alarm went off and i natuarally thought it was about 3pm, so i set off to work. Omly to realise as i got to town it was only 12pm! so i ended up going home for a bit then back to work.

it went ok, its very different to my old shop (and i saw my first shoplifter in the first half hour) and i have no idea where anything is but i'll get there. The doctor i saw today did suggest taking time off work but i didnt want to because a)having a routine helps,( i think thats why last week was so insane because i was at Swain;s all week and had no routine), i didnt want to call in sick on my first day, wouldn't have looked good and this a fresh start so i want to be reliable, 3)you dint get paid for the first 3 days off sick and i couldnt afford to lose nearly a weeks wages.

Besdies if i managed working through the worst depression ive had recently in a busier shop, i should theorectically be ok whilst hypermanic in a quieter shop.

My plan for this evening is watch some netflix, then take my meds and sleeping tablet and hopefully have the first decent nights sleep in 3 weeks. Fingers crossed this works because i really don;t have any other options right now

Sorry if i worried anyone last night, my head was just a mess

calleyw

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Sorry if i worried anyone last night, my head was just a mess

Mu,


Massive hugs



We get that hence why we are here. I am not always around but feel free to PM if you need some extra support. Not a huge amount I can do but always happy to listen.


You take care


Yours


Calley x

geminilady

MU Glad you managed to get to work fingers crossed you get a good nights sleep

dandy-candy

Proud of you MU, even at a tough time you have the strength to pull yourself up and do what needed doing.

WaS I hope you are finding ways to relax ((hugs))

I've started on my anti depressants again today. Just a low dose because my anxiety has been awful for the last few weeks. It started with genuine stresses but my mind has rolled with it and now I am having terrible attacks over what I know to be irrational fears. It culminated on Sunday when DH took me out to the shops and I couldn't find him and got in such a state I thought I would faint.

I know the pills will help and so I'm starting them before I get even worse. I had been putting it off because last time I put on lots of weight when I was on them but that was at a higher dose so I'm hoping it won't happen this time.

Hugs to all in need xx

System

I slept! I actually slept!

And im starting to feel better, my thoughts aren't racing as much, the urge to gamble has lessened, i feel less anxious etc

Slightly annoyed that i endured an extra week of hell because my GP does "not beleive in sleeping tablets", if he;d given me these meds last week it would have been fine. I know they;re addict9ve and they dont like prescribing them, which is fine and i understand that (and i dont even feel like i need one tonight) but he knew i wasn't sleeping despite taking my meds (which normally knock me out in 20mins!) and was manic and this treatment has worked in the past.

I'm so far loving my new shop. Eeryone i've met has ben lovely and its been a breeze compared to my old shop. Whether i'll be saying the same after tomorrow and saturday is yet to be seen :rotfl: but so far i feel i made tye right choice in moving.

dandy-hope the meds dont cause you too much bother, the side effects are not fun but they do usuallly wear off fairly quickly. I understand your worry about weight gain, im in a constant battle to fight the bulge so to speak and in the past ive stopped taking my meds to try and lose weight (really cannot reccomend that it ends badly). As long as you dont overindugle too much and try and keep a bit active you should be ok, they can certainly increase your appitite, but my recent attempt at dealing with thhe olanzapine munchies is to snack on apples :O