Moving in with partner and combining money

Monkeychops16

BigAunty wrote: »

If you are not comfortable discussing exact income/expenses here, then download the MSE budget planner to help with your discussion with your partner about what you can afford versus his expectations.

You can produce a 'now' scenario and 'moving in' scenario to identify the loss of income you could experience and the possible increase in expenses.

It's food for thought that you have ended up being exposed to the risk of renting out your property (repairs, capital gains tax, possible rent arrears and void period) and a loss of income when moving in with someone.

What chimes for me, as it has for others, is your partner's black and white separation of child related expenses that fall squarely on you. This is perhaps because we see posts from women in either financially abusive (i.e. they are left in penury and their finances controlled) or financially unequal relationships and the issues it causes them.

For example, one lady had to use all her child tax credits to pay the rent on their property and had no disposable income. Another lady had to survive on child benefit which had to be spent on all child related expenses, the partner would not contribute.

So I'm not saying you are in that ball park but his seeing quite basic standard child related expenses as solely your responsibility despite your lower income is a shame.

For the payday loan issue, go to the Debt Free Wanabee board forum for advice.

Thank you-this is my fear exactly. I have had a brief word today saying I don't think moving is going to be the right decision as I will be worse off-poor. He said we will go through the finances tomorrow-"don't stress we'll sort it"-so at least he is being receptive. I don't see him every night that's why we aren't discussing it now!

Monkeychops16

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Perhaps he, quite rightly, sees them not as the OP's sole responsibility but as a joint responsibility of hers and the children's father? Unless the ex is unemployed, a priority would seem to be making sure he fulfills his responsibilities towards his children.

Their father sees them regularly but can only afford to pay £40 a month- £5 a week per child. I had to pay for my divorce myself as again he couldn't afford to contribute.

missbiggles1

Monkeychops16 wrote: »

Thank you-this is my fear exactly. I have had a brief word today saying I don't think moving is going to be the right decision as I will be worse off-poor. He said we will go through the finances tomorrow-"don't stress we'll sort it"-so at least he is being receptive. I don't see him every night that's why we aren't discussing it now!

As you've said that the £250 you'll have left over is just for spending money, I don't really think you can say that you're going to be poor.

Monkeychops16

Guest101 wrote: »

1: It depends on what the rent includes. (it's risky on his part as you could be gaining an interest in his property)
2: You are able to have your mortgage paid by someone else by moving in with him, that's a big bonus.
3: He quite rightly expects there to be a big increase in terms of utilities etc. As 4 mouths instead of 1 now, so it seems reasonable that you (and your ex) would contribute something towards it.
4: Presumebly he spends money on your children day to day, which really offsets a lot of the cost?
5: You say you have £250 disposable income (after what though?) - if that's you paid up for everything and is literally just for treats etc, I'd say that's pretty good.

This is really helpful thanks to see it from his point of view. What should it include?
No he doesn't spend anything on my children as there has been no need to.

justme111

Whether £250 is enough or not is a different topic. Childcare as sometimes it is needed, school dinners , uniforms , activities , holidays, presents , clothes, car repairs , petrol, personal care and so on for 3 add up.In any case it is not the point , if she is used to more her standard of living will deteriorate and I personally would not want to move in with a person who is not prepared to shoulder that drop equally , fair or not.

Monkeychops16

lea2012 wrote: »

I moved in with my now husband 3 years ago. I have a child from a previous relationship.

When I lived alone I worked more or less full time, rented and received some tax credits. I got, and still get £25 a month off my daughters dad. (yes a month, not a week, despite him working full time!!)

My husband earns around £8k more than me a year, when we bought our house I lost all my tax credits as our combined income was too much.

We have our own bank accounts where our wages etc get paid into and then one joint current and savings account. We put a set amount into the joint current account each month which covers all our utilities direct debits that come out of that account, as well as food and household shopping costs. We also put a small equal amount into a savings account each month to cover household work that needs doing like a new roof!

From my own account I pay my car costs, mobile phone, pet insurance, child care, credit card and any other expenses. He does the same from his but it actually works out that even though he earns more I have a higher amount of disposable income as I have less outgoings. (cheaper car, lower credit card bill etc).

In terms of costs for my child, we split the household bills 50/50 despite her living in the house. Same goes for food costs. I pay for child care, her clothing, and any other expenses such as school trips etc. If ever we go on holiday I pay for flights / trains for me and her and we split the accomm cost 50/50. I would never expect him to pay for everything for her, that's not what he signed up for but he's never questioned splitting the household bills equally. Her biological dad however has openly said that he doesn't have to help me financially now as he believes her step dad should pay if we live together!! :eek:

I think you need to sit down and talk to him about it properly.

Marvellous thank you-nice to see it can work. How did you decide what amount to pay into the joint account/savings?

Monkeychops16

mark5 wrote: »

I think if you work a similar amount of hours with similar pay then this should be quite straight forward if however he earns a lot more than you, or you work part time hours it's how much he's prepared to subsidise you.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here it's what your both happy with.

How long have you been with your new partner for?

3 years-it's our three year anniversary the day I am meant to move in

missbiggles1

Monkeychops16 wrote: »

This is really helpful thanks to see it from his point of view. What should it include?
No he doesn't spend anything on my children as there has been no need to.

What about when you all go out as a family for the day?

Monkeychops16

missbiggles1 wrote: »

As you've said that the £250 you'll have left over is just for spending money, I don't really think you can say that you're going to be poor.

Thanks-to me it feels like I will be but it's all subjective. I've worked hard to clear my debts, pay for the divorce and bring up the girls so I am frightened of giving up my control again.

missbiggles1

justme111 wrote: »

Whether £250 is enough or not is a different topic. Childcare as sometimes it is needed, school dinners , uniforms , activities , holidays, presents , clothes, car repairs , petrol, personal care and so on for 3 add up.In any case it is not the point , if she is used to more her standard of living will deteriorate and I personally would not want to move in with a person who is not prepared to shoulder that drop equally , fair or not.

Many of the things you've listed wouldn't come under the heading of spending money.