Allegations from neighbour

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Hi,


Not really sure what to do. I fell out with a family that live over the road from me in Sep last year. Their children are in my daughters class at school and that fall out was over kids.


There's been occasions where there were aggressive behaviour both in and out of school from the mother and father towards me, and my children, and I called the police who issued a warning. It "stopped" but the parents encouraged their kids to bully my DD and eventually I asked for a mediation meeting at school with the mother, myself, PCSO and Head.


This was in January and although the mother denied any wrong doing, I was able to prove that she was lying.


The discussion ended and I thought that was that


Until yesterday. The head informed me (in passing, I wasn't called in or anything) That the mother has made allegations that I have been looking out of my window (Bear in mind I live opposite her) and "Watching" her kids, she's also made allegations that I neglect mine. Neither are true statements, the head didn't say what she was doing about these allegations either. I've rang the police, I cant get hold of the officer I dealt with and the ones I have spoken to have told me to wait on the officer I dealt with.


What concerns me are these are extremely serious (untrue) allegations. What, if anything, can the police do?! I don't have enough evidence for anti social behaviour according to the police switch that I spoke to last night but I'm seriously worried about what's being said.

Mojisola

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Until yesterday. The head informed me (in passing, I wasn't called in or anything) That the mother has made allegations that I have been looking out of my window (Bear in mind I live opposite her) and "Watching" her kids,

she's also made allegations that I neglect mine.

What concerns me are these are extremely serious (untrue) allegations.

Looking in their windows would be taken seriously - an accusation that you look out of yours will be laughed at!

If anyone was taking the accusations seriously, the Head would not have 'mentioned them in passing'.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Mojisola wrote: »

Looking in their windows would be taken seriously - an accusation that you look out of yours will be laughed at!

If anyone was taking the accusations seriously, the Head would not have 'mentioned them in passing'.

Well this is what I thought but what I'm worried about is last time, just before the meeting, the mother was saying I was doing things that I wasn't and eventually turned round and said that I attacked her (I wasn't even in the country the day she stated I had done it) so then she changed it to another day and thankfully that was a day I was actually in hospital having some pre-cancer cells removed.


I've just had a check up recently to see whether I need to have any more removed and I really don't need the added stress of it all.


I don't want to ignore it, because quite frankly it doesn't work with this family but I'm not really sure what I can do.

Mojisola

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

I've rang the police, I cant get hold of the officer I dealt with and the ones I have spoken to have told me to wait on the officer I dealt with.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

I don't want to ignore it, because quite frankly it doesn't work with this family but I'm not really sure what I can do.

It's horribly stressful for you - people like this family are very unpleasant to live near.

I think you're doing the right thing in speaking to the police officer who dealt with it before. Would the false accusations count as harassment under the new laws?

Could you also have a meeting with the Head to get some reassurance that the school know the problem is her and not anything you are or aren't doing?

Pollycat

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Hi,


Not really sure what to do. I fell out with a family that live over the road from me in Sep last year. Their children are in my daughters class at school and that fall out was over kids.


There's been occasions where there were aggressive behaviour both in and out of school from the mother and father towards me, and my children, and I called the police who issued a warning. It "stopped" but the parents encouraged their kids to bully my DD and eventually I asked for a mediation meeting at school with the mother, myself, PCSO and Head.


This was in January and although the mother denied any wrong doing, I was able to prove that she was lying.


The discussion ended and I thought that was that


Until yesterday. The head informed me (in passing, I wasn't called in or anything) That the mother has made allegations that I have been looking out of my window (Bear in mind I live opposite her) and "Watching" her kids, she's also made allegations that I neglect mine. Neither are true statements, the head didn't say what she was doing about these allegations either. I've rang the police, I cant get hold of the officer I dealt with and the ones I have spoken to have told me to wait on the officer I dealt with.


What concerns me are these are extremely serious (untrue) allegations. What, if anything, can the police do?! I don't have enough evidence for anti social behaviour according to the police switch that I spoke to last night but I'm seriously worried about what's being said.

To whom has she made these allegations?

The school head?
The Police?

If she's made them to the Police, why did she then tell the head what she'd done?

AnnieO1234

Okay first of all even if Social Services get involved, as scary as it may seem, they're not going to attack you as well. Unfortunately they do get spurious and malicious allegations made which they obviously must investigate, which is upsetting of course, but it doesn't mean anything will come of it.

The fact that you've a history with this family will be enough to get any potential SS involvement off your back I suspect.

What you need to do, unfortunately, is cover your (and your children's) backsides by ensuring that everything is documented. In the first instance I would at minimum email the school and ask the head to elaborate on what they've stated. Literally as you've put it here. Similarly, get hold of the email address of the local police force direct it to the officer who dealt with your previous issues even though it will probably be an umbrella address.

Keep a detailed diary (if you don't already) of your movements. Make sure to keep stupid things like receipts that will obviously prove your whereabouts at particular days and times. Consider getting CCTV.

You are perfectly entitled to look out of your window, but do consider if you're doing it at a particular time or when it appears the neighbour is specifically say in her front garden or whatever. Because even though you are entitled to look out of your window, of course you are, I can understand how someone could be perturbed and feel they were being watched.

Do you rent or own your property? What about her? Consider all your options. xxx

girlsmum

the school will pick up on any neglect they are very good at spotting issues, and if they had any concerns they would call SS and not mention to you in passing. As for looking out of your window, I think its worse that she was looking in your window to see you were looking out.

cte1111

I can see how much this has upset you, and it is awful when you have difficulties with neighbours, as it makes you feel unable to relax in your own home. However, why do you think that these are serious allegations? Sitting in your own house and looking out of your window is not an offence in any way, let alone a serious one. Whether there are children, adults or a whole zoo outside, then you are allowed to look at them as much or as little as you like.

I can understand why you are trying to stop this woman making strange complaints about you but there is really nothing in this allegation to worry about. I hope your children have been OK at school since your meeting, it sounds like this was the right thing to do to protect your child, always best to give the school a chance to help sort problems out if you can.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I'll try and reply to everyone, apologies if I miss any:

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

Okay first of all even if Social Services get involved, as scary as it may seem, they're not going to attack you as well. Unfortunately they do get spurious and malicious allegations made which they obviously must investigate, which is upsetting of course, but it doesn't mean anything will come of it.

The fact that you've a history with this family will be enough to get any potential SS involvement off your back I suspect.

What you need to do, unfortunately, is cover your (and your children's) backsides by ensuring that everything is documented. In the first instance I would at minimum email the school and ask the head to elaborate on what they've stated. Literally as you've put it here. Similarly, get hold of the email address of the local police force direct it to the officer who dealt with your previous issues even though it will probably be an umbrella address.

Keep a detailed diary (if you don't already) of your movements. Make sure to keep stupid things like receipts that will obviously prove your whereabouts at particular days and times. Consider getting CCTV.

You are perfectly entitled to look out of your window, but do consider if you're doing it at a particular time or when it appears the neighbour is specifically say in her front garden or whatever. Because even though you are entitled to look out of your window, of course you are, I can understand how someone could be perturbed and feel they were being watched.

Do you rent or own your property? What about her? Consider all your options. xxx

I've spoken to SS in the past - My ex attacked me 4 years ago during an argument and I called the police. As the kids were in the house (In bed asleep) SS were automatically called. He was arrested and following day I packed his stuff up and put him out. I called SS myself and spoke to them, they never attended and I never heard from them since. Just doesn't help when some idiot decides to throw at you that you neglect your kids.


The thing is, I actually DONT look out my window. They live opposite but I angle my curtains so I cant see them (and equally they cant see me) so I've no idea when I've supposedly done it. The only time I can think of is when I've been cleaning the windows and that's not even a regular occurrence, once a month thing.


I haven't emailed the school but I have emailed the police. Don't want to keep calling/emailing them today because I appreciate this is a very minor thing in the grand scheme of things.


We both own our houses.

girlsmum wrote: »

the school will pick up on any neglect they are very good at spotting issues, and if they had any concerns they would call SS and not mention to you in passing. As for looking out of your window, I think its worse that she was looking in your window to see you were looking out.

I said that! but as I mentioned above, I've got blinds (Vertical) and I angle them so no one (not just her but anyone walking past) cant see in either.

cte1111 wrote: »

I can see how much this has upset you, and it is awful when you have difficulties with neighbours, as it makes you feel unable to relax in your own home. However, why do you think that these are serious allegations? Sitting in your own house and looking out of your window is not an offence in any way, let alone a serious one. Whether there are children, adults or a whole zoo outside, then you are allowed to look at them as much or as little as you like.

I can understand why you are trying to stop this woman making strange complaints about you but there is really nothing in this allegation to worry about. I hope your children have been OK at school since your meeting, it sounds like this was the right thing to do to protect your child, always best to give the school a chance to help sort problems out if you can.

More because she's said I'm watching kids (She's made it sound more sinister than I've put it). We live in a small village and it only takes one person to believe her and the windows would be put in. I'm not the first person she has done this with though, and I doubt I will be the last, but I think its worse because I live opposite.


I spoke to DD and she says that they all play together nicely - which I think is great (My opinion is if they are playing together they aren't bullying) but the mother told me, the head and the police that she doesn't want her kids "mixing" with mine (Although couldn't give any other reason as why other than she doesn't like me) The head told her that if they wanted to play together at school then the head wasn't stopping this.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Mojisola wrote: »

It's horribly stressful for you - people like this family are very unpleasant to live near.

I think you're doing the right thing in speaking to the police officer who dealt with it before. Would the false accusations count as harassment under the new laws?

Could you also have a meeting with the Head to get some reassurance that the school know the problem is her and not anything you are or aren't doing?

I'm not sure - I thought they would be harassment but I'm not sure I have enough evidence for this as the police control said it's an ASBO warning at best. Haven't managed to get hold of the officer I was dealing with yet.


I'm going to speak to the head in a few days (Get my results this week from hospital so don't want to go in yet as I'm already upset and will end up crying or something stupid!) I don't think they are taking it serious as they haven't done anything about it - but its not the point. The mother shouldn't be saying these things in the first place

Pollycat wrote: »

To whom has she made these allegations?

The school head?
The Police?

If she's made them to the Police, why did she then tell the head what she'd done?

As far as I know, she's told the head and the play ground "group" (All the mums that stand together in the corner)


I've asked the police control if there has been a report against me, but they wouldn't tell me. Said I had to apply for the "Freedom of information"


I know last time she was making reports and asking the police "not to attend" (more likely because I wasn't actually there!)


I'm guessing if she reported I was watching children the police would have come out to see me already

McKneff

I know its a bit exytreme but I think I would be thinking about noving and changing shcools