Unmotivated son!

HB58

Some boys, in particular, are slow starters and not ready/able to knuckle down to studying.

My son was rather like this, he started messing around at school (grammar) at around 15 years of age. He managed decent GCSEs and went on to a local college. Where he messed around for the next 2 years, despite the best efforts of us and his teachers. He left after 2 years with 2 mediocre A levels, swearing that he was never going to study again.

A run of the mill job at a local bank taught him some life skills and he also realised that he did not want to do that for the rest of his life!

At the age of 22 he finally went to Uni, worked hard and got a 1st. It was the right time, and it had not been a few years earlier.

Do your best to encourage your son but don't despair if it doesn't work. It's not the end of his life if he doesn't do well in his GCSEs, he will just have to work harder to get where he finally realises he wants to be!

My son? He's 30 this month, working hard in London as a creative advertiser and doing well. I am very proud of him but it didn't seem possible 15 years ago!

ash28

Our grandson lives with us, is 14 and in year 10 and we had an awful year with him in year 9.

Disruptive, cheeky, thought the teachers picked on him.....didn't do his homework, etc, etc. He had more lunch time detentions than I could count, they couldn't keep him after school as he gets a school bus to and from school. In isolation several times. We despaired of him to be honest as nothing we or the school did or said made any difference.

We did turn a corner in the end and it wasn't using punishments or making him do his homework or limiting his time with tech stuff. It was actually eventually getting it through to him that he could make his life at school as easy or difficult as he wanted. It was his responsibility to do his homework, to behave in class etc. There was only one person that could do something about his behaviour and that was him. And bribery! There were things he wanted, a new keyboard, a new headset and other odds and ends and we used those as a bit of a carrot. A lot his homework is done on the computer, he will have to research and then submit any work via his online school account.

Now he does his homework on time and we don't ask him about it, we were at a parent's evening a little while ago and from every teacher it was the same, homework in and on time, behaving in class. He was even pupil of the week for helping some of the pupils in his year with quadratic equations.....if someone had told me last year that this would happen I would have laughed them out of the room.

I have to say I found punishing him just made matters worse at home and at school. And like a lot of other young people he doesn't really know what he wants to do in the future but thinks maybe something in engineering.

Good luck OP.

missbiggles1

Beckyy wrote: »

I'd just encourage him and leave him to have some freedom with it.

I wouldn't bother trying to give him punishments or say how he can/can't revise. Offer to help, let him know that you're concerned about what his options might be for the future if he doesn't do well in his exams but ultimately leave it to him.

Unless he wants to be something extremely academic all that matters is he passes the important ones (Maths & English) the rest will probably never come again in his life.

There are precious few things you can go into without at least 5 GCSEs grade C and above - if he doesn't get these (now or later) he'll be closing lots of doors and wrecking his working life before it's even begun.

[Deleted User]

missbiggles1 wrote: »

There are precious few things you can go into without at least 5 GCSEs grade C and above - if he doesn't get these (now or later) he'll be closing lots of doors and wrecking his working life before it's even begun.

Through some amazing trick, my wife managed to get one GCSE in Maths (didn't sit any others), landed a place on a nursing course... and now she's a Senior Sister in an A&E department.

Stuff can happen with poor qualifications but you need a direction in life to get you where you want to be.

The key part of motivating kids must be giving them a direction, some aspiration and goals.

jaydeeuk1

I didn't know what I wanted to do at school. I just chose some a levels from subjects I enjoyed like physics, business studies and french. My parents rewarded me for trying my best rather than achieving a certain grade. Its what I'll be teaching my kids, there's no point trying to bust a gut and missing out on life trying to achieve A* across the board, I'd rather they enjoy themselves and get 'good enough' grades to do whatever they want to do next. Can't stand all these teary eyed teenages who think they've failed their pushy parents because they got a 'B'. I went to Derby uni, if you have a pulse you'll be accepted for pretty much any course, ballsing up a levels or GCSE's isn't the end of the world.

Jagraf

jaydeeuk1 wrote: »

I didn't know what I wanted to do at school. I just chose some a levels from subjects I enjoyed like physics, business studies and french. My parents rewarded me for trying my best rather than achieving a certain grade. Its what I'll be teaching my kids, there's no point trying to bust a gut and missing out on life trying to achieve A* across the board, I'd rather they enjoy themselves and get 'good enough' grades to do whatever they want to do next. Can't stand all these teary eyed teenages who think they've failed their pushy parents because they got a 'B'. I went to Derby uni, if you have a pulse you'll be accepted for pretty much any course, ballsing up a levels or GCSE's isn't the end of the world.

I think most parents want their kids to just do their best, I agree there are some pushy parents but the majority just suppirt their children in any way they can.

I have a 17 year old and she certainly needs more than a pulse to do the degree she wants to do. The thing is most kids want to do well in whatever they choose to do and they still need guidance.

Homeownertobe

I've always found that failure tends to only happen in environments that allow it.

SingleSue

My youngest son was seriously stressed during year 10 and 11 as it became an academy and they decided to not quite follow his statement. As a result, he had absolutely no motivation to do anything apart from hurting himself and going into meltdowns.

He got some GCSEs (including English) but fell short by 1 GCSE to do the course at college he wanted to do so had to do a retake of his Maths (he had missed a C by 2 points) and take on an extra level 2 course worth 2 GCSEs. He got his maths at the first retry in November and then it all seemed to click.

Despite doing a course worth two GCSEs in something he didn't care for, had no interest in, he got a Distinction* and Distinction and in September just gone, started his originally planned level 3 course.

The reason? He now had a plan and at the college, he felt supported in that plan. Before, because he was statemented, he had been pretty much written off, the expectation was that he not going to do well so why try (they thought I was deluded when I kept telling them he was very bright). He is now working at and achieving Distinction* x 3 and has just been offered an extra A level course because it is all too easy for him.

Re aids for study, both eldest and youngest find they concentrate better when there is background noise that is not other children talking/pens scratching/keyboards tapping, they both have/had permission to have music playing quietly on headphones in class to help them concentrate. In fact, middle son also has this written into his learning plan at university but his is for a different reason - multiple voices confuse rather than distract him. I think for them, blotting out the outside noise stops them being distracted by something that might be going on the other side of the classroom and keeps them focused on what they are supposed to be doing.

The only time I really had to play hardball was Easter last year, middle son had got way behind in his coursework because he hadn't understood a word his tutors had said...we spent the entire holidays with me tutoring and him catching up, he said I was more strict and more of a taskmaster than any teacher he had at 6th form but at least he actually understood what I was trying to teach him...it was worth the work (and my going without all but a few hours sleep for 3 days learning his courses so I could teach him), he got the grades required for his chosen uni.

FBaby

Do your best to encourage your son but don't despair if it doesn't work

I agree. If you've tried everything and it doesn't work, then you are better being supportive and showing him that you still believe in him than giving up on him. Just whatever you do, don't allow him to take a lazy alternative.

Both my father and husband were poor pupils, not motivated, not interested, hated studying and school as a whole. They were both labelled as not very clever -for better word!-.

Both of them left school early and discover themselves through work. They have gone up the ranks and been successful where college/Uni graduates failed. They both ended up with excellent careers that demands English and Maths skills way beyond that of GCSEs.

The thing they have in common is that they are both naturally hard working, competitive and stubborn. They just needed to both feel in control of what they were doing and liking it.

ibizafan_2

My youngest son only did the minimum of work at his grammar school, and no amount of nagging, cajoling or threatening worked. He was immune to bribes of any kind, but managed to pull himself together just before his A levels. He could have done better, but he is now 31, with a degree, a masters degree, and a good job as an accountant in Australia. I sometimes wonder why I ever worried about him!