Unmotivated son!

piglet74

Could he be worried about you, he's at that age where he might be getting protective of his mum, worried about you being alone etc?

mark5

indsty wrote: »

One of my sons sounds a bit like yours (he is 36 now though!). Although reasonably bright he had absolutely no interest in academic work despite encouragement. He left school with 5 medium GCEs and started college but did not complete. He has however, always been in work, never been on benefits of any kind, is happy and content with his life and a lovely person (even though I am biased). Sometimes we just need to let our children make their own way in the world.

Sounds like me that does!

Seriously though I was out playing football every night before my gcse's, my mother kept on and on at me and the more she did, the less I worked.
I was never a bad kid, never in trouble etc, just no interest in school.

My sister was straight A's worked really hard just like my mother wanted got a first at university then done another degree and at 32 earns less than me, relies on handouts from my parents to balance her finances, can't take her car for a MOT, my dad should remind her and is a constant worry to my parents.

If he's happy and not a bad kid let him be

pollypenny

You're doing everything you can to encourage him. What about built in breaks during his study sessions?

Fairly short-term bribery might also work. I keep DS going with chocolate hobnobs, although he was a hard worker anyway, as he is competitive.

gwynlas

I'm afraid to suggest that there might be other issues going on for your son but have you thought of dyslexia?
Does the school have access to educational psychologist for testing?
I was not diagnosed with dyslexia/dyspraxia until years after I left school but had similar experiences with expectations initally high but dropping in class position. Bright enough to get by and passing sufficient exams at school but failed first college course. Eventually did well and completed degree in later life.
It is not only about reading, I've always been an avid reader, but about processing and regurgitation of knowledge that satisfies educational requirements.
Does he have any hobbies/interests that might form the basis of a career?

Potternerd

My DS in Y11 is similar in fact I posted about 9 months feeling exactly the same. Things are better but still an uphill slog for all of us so I do hugely sympathise. I don't feel as a parent that if he won't do it it's ok; it's our job as parents to make them do it if they don't have the maturity themselves

DS' school do quite a lot of after school revision stuff and he has agreed it's better for him to do that than having us nag. Is that an option?
Also perhaps better to ration X box for after work is done.
I would also speak to school and show him that you and school are working together.
I actually think you're right to limit music and electronics while he's studying; encourage him to get on with studying then he can do Xbox, music, facebook etc
Good luck!!

pickledonionspaceraider

All you can do is point out why he should be working, and provide the space for him to do so.

You cannot literally drive yourself mad circling him like a hawk to ensure he does it though.

If he has his mind set on not doing it, nothing you do will make a difference.

pigpen

mark5 wrote: »

Sounds like me that does!

Seriously though I was out playing football every night before my gcse's, my mother kept on and on at me and the more she did, the less I worked.
I was never a bad kid, never in trouble etc, just no interest in school.

My sister was straight A's worked really hard just like my mother wanted got a first at university then done another degree and at 32 earns less than me, relies on handouts from my parents to balance her finances, can't take her car for a MOT, my dad should remind her and is a constant worry to my parents.

If he's happy and not a bad kid let him be

Exactly.. I bet the teachers all wittered on too and just made you lose interest quicker!

My oldest was exactly the same .. out every night revision was reading a text book while waiting to go in to the exam.. he did all right.. yes he could have done better but he has to live with that.

theoretica

I think it is sometimes worth pointing out that a full time job would be 35-40 hours a week and this seems a fair aim for students too. But it needs to be real work, so class time only counts if he is actually paying attention. But on the other hand this amount of real focussed work is fairly managable - thinking you should spend hours and hours a night and all weekend working is a daunting proposition for many people.

Beckyy

I'd just encourage him and leave him to have some freedom with it.

I wouldn't bother trying to give him punishments or say how he can/can't revise. Offer to help, let him know that you're concerned about what his options might be for the future if he doesn't do well in his exams but ultimately leave it to him.

Unless he wants to be something extremely academic all that matters is he passes the important ones (Maths & English) the rest will probably never come again in his life.

meritaten

its difficult - some of the things you said made me think perhaps Attention Deficit Disorder - but other things made me think the boy is 'lost'. He doesn't know which direction to go in therefore why bother with anything?
I think the last needs sorting out - and use technology to do so. there are lots of websites which can give career suggestions by using questionnares. kids don't mind ticking boxes on the net, so perhaps perusing a couple of those could help him focus on a suitable 'career path'?
you cant force a person to study or revise - you can sit them at a desk put the work in front of them - but you cant make them do it or even benefit from doing it.
the best way is to see a goal and then work to achieve it.
I did this in my late forties - I was absolutely useless at arithmetic in school - but as a mature student I HAD to do maths. and i really tried hard and was lucky enough to have a tutor who immediately realised i was number dyslexic.
it got easier for me - but, if i hadn't wanted to pass the course i wouldn't have even bothered trying.