Unmotivated son!

Maureen43

My son is 15 and in Year 10.

He's polite, well mannered and generally lovely,
although I am of course biased

His target grades at school are mostly As with a few Bs. These are meant to be achievable for him.

He's mainly getting Cs for his coursework with a few Bs (although this is slipping, term by term - the trend is downwards)

In his end of year exams last year he scraped though on most although got a few Es.

He does his homework to the absolutely minimum level required.

He is easily distracted in class and doesn't get much work done (especially if he senses weakness in a teacher!)

He has no idea what he wants to do in life (fair enough). He insists he wants to stay on in sixth form at school but doesn't want to do any A levels that I mention. His main reason for wanting to stay at school is his friends.

I've taken him to college to show him other options but he says he doesn't want to go there.

I've said I don't mind what he does in life but he needs to start thinking about ideas. He says he doesn't like talking about the future. Head in the sand!

I've tried offering him a reward for meeting all his target grades in his termly report. Result - no progress.

I've tried taking away his x-box as punishment for the lack of effort his teachers report. Result - no progress and a very cross son.

What would you do?!!

Jagraf

Find out why he's lost his motivation - is he behind in certain topics and lost the thread? Are his friends working? Do you need to go and see the head?

Give him the tools to be organised - space to study / diaries / new folders / peace and quiet, help him plan.

Ask him what resources he's using and how he's using them - teachers / text books / on line videos and materials (some are free some cost).

Reward system relevant to his age - he can do this himself plus throw in a small bribe or two.

Parents sometimes don't help - eg they organise holidays in the easter before exams and weekends away or smaller siblings are running rounds noisily.

There is also the added element that it's fairly natursl not to want to study !

Good for you for thinking about it now rather than this time next year!

Maureen43

Jagraf wrote: »

Find out why he's lost his motivation - is he behind in certain topics and lost the thread? Are his friends working? Do you need to go and see the head?

Give him the tools to be organised - space to study / diaries / new folders / peace and quiet, help him plan.

Ask him what resources he's using and how he's using them - teachers / text books / on line videos and materials (some are free some cost).

Reward system relevant to his age - he can do this himself plus throw in a small bribe or two.

Parents sometimes don't help - eg they organise holidays in the easter before exams and weekends away or smaller siblings are running rounds noisily.

There is also the added element that it's fairly natursl not to want to study !

He's never been hugely motivated but things are certainly slipping - a bit scary a year before his GCSEs.

When he is revising he has to use my office and has no technology with him. He hates it! I don't know however whether he just looks out of the window.....

We never go away if exams are looming.

I think there is an element of laziness but also one of lack of confidence.

He has commented that he wouldn't want to work as hard as his sister did when she was doing her GCSEs (she is a perfectionist though so perhaps not the best example of work/life balance! My kids are at opposite ends of the scale!)

Jagraf

Maureen43 wrote: »

He's never been hugely motivated but things are certainly slipping - a bit scary a year before his GCSEs.

When he is revising he has to use my office and has no technology with him. He hates it! I don't know however whether he just looks out of the window.....

We never go away if exams are looming.

I think there is an element of laziness but also one of lack of confidence.

He has commented that he wouldn't want to work as hard as his sister did when she was doing her GCSEs (she is a perfectionist though so perhaps not the best example of work/life balance! My kids are at opposite ends of the scale!)

Can you change his study environment - where does he keep all his schoolwork? Could you get a second hand bookshelf for all his files? Does he not need technology for his study? Library? Could you afford a secondhand desk ... does he do any sport x

meer53

Why doesn't your son have any technology when he's revising ? Both my kids, (daughter currently in year 11 and son who is now 29) both had music/laptop or TV on constantly when they revised or did homework. They both revised in their bedrooms, why does your son have to use your office ?

Son went to Grammar School then Uni and daughters predicted GCSE grades are all A's and B's. My daughter has really knuckled down this last 12 months, it's dawned on her that she has to do well to get into the college she wants.

pigpen

nothing you do will make any difference.. if they want to put in the effort they do.. if school nag him constantly and he comes home and you nag him too that just exacerbates the situation and they do even less..

Mine NEED the laptop for research to do coursework.. they also have music on so shutting him away is possibly not the right environment.

He is 15 not 5 and the responsibility for learning has to come primarily from himself.

Bribery still usually works.. yes you can have £X amount to go out with your friends IF this piece of really boring work is completed.

Doing exams with raging hormones is simply not the right time to be doing them.. they'd do so much better if they did them at 13/14 I'm sure.

I've got my 6th leaving school next summer and she is faffing with coursework for 2 subjects, ultimately she will have to get it done or fail.. if she fails it is noones fault but her own and she has to live with that.

She gets plenty of encouragement.. missed days out with friends because she hasnt done it when she should, missed breaks and lunch period (not missed food) at school, stayed after school.. that is clearly her choice otherwise she'd complete it asap.

I dont get it, I did all my coursework and homework within 2-3 days of getting it so it was done and out of the way and not looming over me... why don't they get it??

pendragon_arther

Whats' the situation like at home. Are you and your OH happy?

missbiggles1

Do you think he's upset by the divorce - does the timing fit in with the downhill slide?

bluenoseam

meer53 wrote: »

Why doesn't your son have any technology when he's revising ? Both my kids, (daughter currently in year 11 and son who is now 29) both had music/laptop or TV on constantly when they revised or did homework. They both revised in their bedrooms, why does your son have to use your office ?

Son went to Grammar School then Uni and daughters predicted GCSE grades are all A's and B's. My daughter has really knuckled down this last 12 months, it's dawned on her that she has to do well to get into the college she wants.

By the sounds of things the OP knows that with a phone/tablet in there he'd just goof off on social media or similar.

I personally think there's a time & place for setting the record straight, tell him if he screws around too much & fails to make the grade in school he's going to struggle. Just lay it all out there about the perils of low paid jobs - that's if he's lucky enough to get one - and the disrespect that often comes with that position. Being straight with him now means he may buck his ideas up when he realises it's not all a bunch of roses when you're in low paid work.

FBaby

He is 15 not 5 and the responsibility for learning has to come primarily from himself.

Totally agree with this. He needs to want to do well because he needs to realise that it is an end to a mean. However, if he doesn't know where he wants to be, the motivation won't be there.

I think you need to step away from pushing him to study and focus on helping him getting an idea of what interests him. My son doesn't really know what he wants to do yet so I try to expose him to whatever I can around us, let it be sport, meeting people in different careers, talking about things on the news, discussing the choices older kids we know have made etc... I don't want him to feel pressured, just to get motivated about something he wants to achieve.

Flyonthewall

Maureen43 wrote: »

My son is 15 and in Year 10.

He's polite, well mannered and generally lovely,
although I am of course biased

His target grades at school are mostly As with a few Bs. These are meant to be achievable for him.

He's mainly getting Cs for his coursework with a few Bs (although this is slipping, term by term - the trend is downwards)

In his end of year exams last year he scraped though on most although got a few Es.

He does his homework to the absolutely minimum level required.

He is easily distracted in class and doesn't get much work done (especially if he senses weakness in a teacher!)

He has no idea what he wants to do in life (fair enough). He insists he wants to stay on in sixth form at school but doesn't want to do any A levels that I mention. His main reason for wanting to stay at school is his friends.

I've taken him to college to show him other options but he says he doesn't want to go there.

I've said I don't mind what he does in life but he needs to start thinking about ideas. He says he doesn't like talking about the future. Head in the sand!

I've tried offering him a reward for meeting all his target grades in his termly report. Result - no progress.

I've tried taking away his x-box as punishment for the lack of effort his teachers report. Result - no progress and a very cross son.

What would you do?!!

Maybe instead of showing him other places you need to show him what he needs to get to go where he wants. The sixth form. Not sure why you're showing him other places when the one thing he has decided about his future is where he wants to continue his education.

It might be an idea to talk to someone at the school so they can say what grades he needs to get into sixth form.

Perhaps instead of suggesting A-levels you need to work with him to see what he enjoys doing and what courses are best based on that. He doesn't have to do A-levels, he could do a BTEC course, for example. Let him look through options and see what he thinks.

If you can find a course or courses he really wants to do and see what grades he needs to do them then he may feel more motivated.

I get punishing him by taking away the xbox, but he probably feels like you're just taking away one of very few fun options he has and pushing him to just work more and more instead. Maybe you could sit down and talk with him and work out a way for him to have the balance of work and fun.

Maureen43 wrote: »

He's never been hugely motivated but things are certainly slipping - a bit scary a year before his GCSEs.

When he is revising he has to use my office and has no technology with him. He hates it! I don't know however whether he just looks out of the window.....

We never go away if exams are looming.

I think there is an element of laziness but also one of lack of confidence.

He has commented that he wouldn't want to work as hard as his sister did when she was doing her GCSEs (she is a perfectionist though so perhaps not the best example of work/life balance! My kids are at opposite ends of the scale!)

Of course he hates it! It's like being in school only with no friends. Stuck in a litle room being forced to do work you don't really want to.

Out of school he doesn't want that. He wants his tech, to relax, to see friends and just do what he wants to do, where he wants to do it.

Why does he have to be in there and with no technology? It's clearly an issue.

Hating working in there like that won't help with his overall feeling towards school work and exams because he'll associate working with that and he hates that.