How do you explain to friends/family that you've got no money?

alice_kate_2

Do you tell them at all?

I've explained to a couple of family members that we are tight at the moment but not the full extent of our money issues!

I guess the hardest thing is when friends keep inviting you out and you can't afford it so you make excuses - so hard to "keep up appearances".

What does anyone here do? Do you keep it to yourself? Are you open?

I don't really want people to know about our financial issues (hence why I come to speak to you lovely people on here ) but surely a time will come when they will realise that we never go out anymore?

Guest101

I say: "Sorry totally skint, enjoy your night" - and move on with my life.


Friends don't judge friends. If they judged me for having no money I'd tell them where to go.

HappyMJ

alice_kate wrote: »

Do you tell them at all?

I've explained to a couple of family members that we are tight at the moment but not the full extent of our money issues!

I guess the hardest thing is when friends keep inviting you out and you can't afford it so you make excuses - so hard to "keep up appearances".

What does anyone here do? Do you keep it to yourself? Are you open?

I don't really want people to know about our financial issues (hence why I come to speak to you lovely people on here ) but surely a time will come when they will realise that we never go out anymore?

I'm skint this week....

I might say I've just had a huge credit card bill come through or I might mention some emergency that led to the shortfall.

Then again I do not prioritize unsecured debt repayments over having at least a very basic social life. I would have major issues if I stayed at home doing nothing. I will always go out and see my friends even if it's only for a cup of tea or coffee and to catch up on any news.

If friends ask you to go to expensive places then just say straight out that you can't afford it. There is no need to keep up appearances at expensive social gatherings if you can barely pay the essential household bills to keep a roof over your head.

Pollycat

If you've explained to family members that you're short on money just now that should be enough, although you may find other family members still asking you out or to contribute to things.

Ditto for friends.
Why do you feel you should make up excuses to them?
If you're continually saying, 'Oh, we can't do next weekend, we're busy', then it's very likely that they'll keep asking.

It's up to you how much to tell them (or family) but a 'sorry, money's a bit tight right now should be sufficient for anybody.

Dill

Family and friends already realise that we're on a low income but it can be a bit tricky in outside situations. I was doing an adult ed art course and it was suddenly announced that the teacher was running an extra course for £150 in the summer term. I couldn't afford it but didn't feel able to say that in front of the other students, so it must have just looked like I didn't want to do the course. Embarrassing


Also, in work situations, where you are expected to socialise with your colleagues of an evening. I often wondered how they all managed to afford to go to the pub several times a week, or out for meals. I certainly couldn't!

jackyann

It is difficult, partly because people use the words "skint" or "broke" as excuses.
I think that an acceptable compromise is to say "I'd have loved to join you, but I've got to prioritise and xxxx has to take precedence this month".
I can understand you not wanting to tell people all about your financial problems, but people who care about you (not just acquaintances or fair-weather friends) would want to know a broad outline, or they may think you are fobbing them off. They will want to be part of the solution - not by giving you money, but by being aware.

I think it can separate the sheep from the goats - if they are friends you really want to keep up with, find a way to spend some time with them - they will understand.

I have very happy memories of cheap outings with friends - walks, pot-luck picnics, cheap BBQs together.

pigpen

Guest101 wrote: »

I say: "Sorry totally skint, enjoy your night" - and move on with my life.


Friends don't judge friends. If they judged me for having no money I'd tell them where to go.

Pretty much that.. my friend wanted to do lunch last week and i just said I'd lve to but I have no beans.. maybe next week..

They wouldnt be friends if they judged about stuff like that.

Popstess

I really struggle with this too, no one knows about my serious debt problems so I find it hard to say no to things. I have started to drip feed little bits of info and say things like I'm skint but I don't go into a lot of detail. It's hard though no matter how lovely your friends are if they aren't in debt and don't know the extent of yours then it must be hard for them to understand. I think it's natural for people to object and say oh but only come for this time or can't you do this or that because they want you to join in. In my experience as a people pleaser I find it hard to say no to people and when I do say no and people object I find I'm easily persuaded because I don't like letting people down or missing out!!!
Having said all that, that's one of the reasons I've gotten into this debt, going on expensive hen party weekends abroad big birthday celebrations in city's and weddings abroad none of which I could afford and should have said no to!!!
So I do need to get better at saying no. If you don't want to tell people about your debt a good cheat someone on here told me was tell people you're saving up for something big like a new car, DIY project, new bathroom, kitchen whatever no one is likely to pin you to it and say I thought you were getting bla bla... As they'll forget or you could just say something else came up or you've not saved enough yet.
Hth's thank you for making me feel less alone x

Lunar_Eclipse

We have been in the situation where we had very little disposable income, and when the children were young, we couldn't afford a babysitter and an expensive night out (cinema, meal where the bill gets divided etc) more than roughly once/year. It then became a choice; we had other financial priorities, though the situation of not accepting invites is the same.

I've given this background because what I would say in your position depends on whether you do actually mean 'money's tight at the moment' (i.e. this month's tight, next month we're fine), or whether you will have little/no surplus income over expenses for lifestyle spending, for the foreseeable future.

I never explained our priorities and choices to anyone unless they asked specifically, probably because they had a similar view to me financially, although my parents knew.

During this time, I'd say things like 'sorry we can't afford that or sorry that doesn't fit our budget' but accept/organise things that were cheaper. Lunch out is always cheaper than dinner, drinks are very manageable and we've had highly enjoyable days out that cost very little. I've had several entertaining nights out on a couple of cokes; if you're driving you can't get plastered anyway. People do stop expensive invites when you do this repeatedly though.

In general, I always think honesty is the best policy. Depending on your circumstances, you might say something like 'we're in a real pickle financially, so unfortunately we can't join you for x/y/z, but would love to have you over for dinner, catch up over a drink, enjoy a day's hiking together' or whatever takes your fancy. You might also find that superficial friends stop calling, but real friends will love your honesty (it's so refreshing!), might be in a similar situation, or come up with helpful tips and frugal activities you can share together.

Don't be embarrassed by your situation. There are always people better off and worse off. Money management is also a skill that few are experts at and most avoid.

Jagraf

Never had a problem with the friends side - in fact my close friends became closer and some drifted (I was in mega debt for many years).

Family was more difficult because I didn't want them to worry so I tried to hide it until the debt was gone then blurted it all out. I have a wealthy brother so I had to draw the line with him and say I voundnt afford to take my parents to the caribbean / share the cost of his choice of wine etc .

It's hard but you really do fins out who's decent. Tell your mates because they might think you are avoiding them.

Lunar_Eclipse

Jagraf wrote: »

Tell your mates because they might think you are avoiding them.

Agree with this.