How do you explain to friends/family that you've got no money?

System

Ive had my head in the sand for the past 8 years regarding how bad my financial situation is and my friends and family had no idea. I kept goig out and doing things I couldn't afford. It was only the other week when I sat down and had a proper look through that I realised how dire the situation is. But it did spur me on to be honest with my best friend, my bf and my mum. I found telling people that's I wasn't in a good place helped, and now they know they know why I can't afford to do things, my best friend has been brilliant and has offered to sit with me and go through it and work out a budget, as has my bf. You may find people want to help if they know about it. Obviously it's up to you how much you feel comfortable divulging but ive found so far that people can be accepting which takes the pressure off a bit.

melanzana

I would just say it out straight. Sorry, skint at the moment. Can't afford that this week. Could we go for a coffee instead sometime to catch up.

Anyway, who knows if everyone else is not just "keeping up appearances" and wish they had the cojones to say out that THEY can't afford much these days either.

Be true to yourself. It is no shame to be skint. Almost everyone has been there.

jackyann

I do think that is best to be honest as far as you can.
Family and good friends should know the truth (if not the details)

Work or other social colleagues need a simple explanation, close to the truth, without revealing too much.

One of the problems I've found over the years is differing definitions of being "hard up".
I fondly remember the colleague (many years ago, before Easyjet!)) who said "we're so broke this year, holiday will just have to be my godmother's villa in Tuscany"!
I less fondly remember the woman who I met at a function, who told me she was moving to my neighbourhood. I was just drawing breath to tell her that I lived there and offer to show her around, introduce her to some friends etc. when she mistook my intention and said "Oh, I know it's awful, but we're so broke we'd have to send the kids to a State school if we didn't move somewhere cheap!"

Homeownertobe

Just tell them - your friends can't psychically divine your reasoning unless you're open with them. Too many 'I'm skint' excuses without them knowing and understanding your situation will lead them to jump to conclusions, at least subconsciously.

I have one friend who is always pleading poverty and yet she's out every single weekend at cheap student bars, and it's frankly embarrassing. We're all professionals who work hard and so we don't want to be pushing through 18-year-olds to pay £3 for a drink from a communal mix, or a glass of vinegar masquerading as wine.

There are ways to go out for dinner and drinks like an adult on the cheap. I go out for dinner two to three times a week three weeks out of the month and I rarely spend more than £30 each night, and that's from around 4pm until gone midnight most of the time. That's good food, nice restaurants and decent wine.

I'm lucky that I live and work in a city with a lot of decent, independent restaurants and bars that allow this for every budget. But there also areas that are much more expensive, and much much cheaper so it's about finding the right places for you.

Hutchch0920

There are also going to be occasions where you can find a cheap way to join in. I had a friend recently invite me for brunch for her birthday. It was £30 a head including alcoholic drinks. I said I couldn't really afford it and so I rang the restaurant directly and they said I could order off the main menu instead. Perfect!


Rather than flat no I can't make it, get creative! How can you cut the cost so you can join in or suggest something else that's free/in budget :-)

Spirit_2

"Spare funds are a bit low, will need to say no to this/for a few months/until next spring/for a while".

Suggest meeting up for a walk/trip to the beach/picnic/camping

Do try to keep up some social life, it could take a while to get financially straight. It may feel a better if you have a bit more control over events. Friends may welcome healthy lifestyle low cost activities rather than commercial venues.

SingleSue

On nights out when funds are low, I stick to drinking orange squash...went to a (free) gig last week, total cost for the night was £1.

I had just as much fun as if I had spent £££ getting piddled and then getting a taxi home.

Same with meals out, as a family unit we will get the deals (2 for £8 etc) and then only have squash as drinks, it saves a fortune.

alice_kate_2

Thanks everyone

I think doing cheaper things and just explaining we've got lots of outgoings at the moment should do the trick

We did have people over for dinner last weekend and still had a good night and it cost nothing other than some food we already had in

When the weather is better can do more - BBQs and I live near some amazing countryside so loads of places to go for walks/picnics etc so hopefully it'll be a bit easier then too

raq

All really interesting posts and just wanted to send you huge hugs xx

d70cw6

people do like to over complicate their lives.

try being honest and say you cant afford to do x,y,z.