How do you explain to friends/family that you've got no money?

alice_kate_2

Thanks for all the replies.

Popstess - I totally agree, it can be so hard to actually understand for the people who aren't in any debt.

Dill - I know what you mean - I definitely feel embarrassed about it and think that is one reason I have such a hard time telling anyone!

I'm skint works if it's a one off but this is going to be us for at least 6 months. We're quite young too - 24 - so we have a lot of friends who still live with parents and have no understanding of bills or having non disposable income.

I guess I am just so embarrassed. Our family and friends know we're in good jobs so I fear that if they knew the full extent of our situation they would question how it got so bad in the first place!

Out,_Vile_Jelly

alice_kate wrote: »

I guess I am just so embarrassed. Our family and friends know we're in good jobs so I fear that if they knew the full extent of our situation they would question how it got so bad in the first place!

You might be rather shocked at how common debt is; many of your seemingly affluent friends may be "all fur coat and no knickers" and actually in a similar position to you.

It's still possible to socialise on a limited budget; just be clear up front. Real friends will still enjoy your company walking in the park (free) or inviting you round for tea and cake.

Beckyy

I think something along the line of 'We wont make it as we're having an expensive couple of months, but thanks for the invite, maybe next time.' doesn't sound rude or unreasonable if you want to be honest with the reasoning.

Maybe in the Summer it might be a bit easier as there are more things that can be done cheaply, friends over for a bbq, more free events on etc.

culpepper

Why not say you cant really afford it but then offer to have them round and everyone bring something to share?
At least then you are not really saying no every time.

I know some people have 'movie night' and treat it like a cinema date ,others have games night with a computer game or maybe a party type game or karaoke .

[Deleted User]

I remember being told.., you'd worry a lot less about what other people think if you realised they have so much more to think about lolol.

I have never had much money, and I'm always honest., as has already been said, real friends will appreciate that you can't do expensive things but would love to do cheaper things. Inviting them round for a meal is perfectly acceptable, and lots of fun.., and inexpensive if they bring a bottle! Spag bog is very pleasant when home cooked!

BNT

alice_kate wrote: »

Do you tell them at all?

I've explained to a couple of family members that we are tight at the moment but not the full extent of our money issues!

I guess the hardest thing is when friends keep inviting you out and you can't afford it so you make excuses - so hard to "keep up appearances".

What does anyone here do? Do you keep it to yourself? Are you open?

I don't really want people to know about our financial issues (hence why I come to speak to you lovely people on here ) but surely a time will come when they will realise that we never go out anymore?

This is something I think you need to think through. Keeping up appearances of being able to afford things you cannot afford is only going to make the situation worse. People don't need to know anything about your finances that you don't want to tell them. You are at a stage where you and your friends will have very different financial situations; as you say, those living at home will have very different financial obligations from those renting or owning their own house. That doesn't mean that you can't join them for some social occasions, but I think you do need to try to get out of the mindset of "keeping up appearances". I know from experience, that is not an easy thing to do.

moneyistooshorttomention

Dill wrote: »

Family and friends already realise that we're on a low income but it can be a bit tricky in outside situations. I was doing an adult ed art course and it was suddenly announced that the teacher was running an extra course for £150 in the summer term. I couldn't afford it but didn't feel able to say that in front of the other students, so it must have just looked like I didn't want to do the course. Embarrassing


Also, in work situations, where you are expected to socialise with your colleagues of an evening. I often wondered how they all managed to afford to go to the pub several times a week, or out for meals. I certainly couldn't!

The work situation was dead easy - I'd just say "Well - you all know how low the salary is that I'm paid and I'm single - so I cant afford it" and that was the end of that.

For other situations - I would also just say pretty much the same thing.

I saw no reason to be ashamed of poverty that wasn't of my making so to say. I couldn't help being so poorly-paid and I couldn't help the fact I'd never met Mr Right (so have always had to pay all bills, etc, on my own) - and hence I've always been quite open about my finances and couldn't give a toss if I embarrassed anyone responsible for that (my employer, Councils charging single people 75% CT rate, etc).

flea72

Ive found that since ive been honest with people about the level of my debt, their shock, and my embarrassment is very short lived. It also means no more awkward excuses, and people are alot more willing to tailor social events to my budget (set price menus, or entertaining at home)

people are also more accepting, as in the past they just thought i was fobbing them off with the 'bit skint at the mo'. as already said, being skint, means different levels to different people. To me, it means every penny has been spent on essentials, and i have no savings to draw from. whereas i have friends, whose idea of skint means after putting their regular £500/m into their rainy day fund, their current accout is looking a bit low

Ive also found being open about my debt has lifted a great weight, and friends and family have been really supportive

Kynthia

I've had a very good friend nd a sibling who had virtually no disposable income for years. In many ways it was easier to know so that I didn't keep inviting them to things they couldn't do. Instead I was able to suggest inexpensive or free ways of spending time together and would accept invites to theirs where we would have dinner or do movie nights. As they had their own place they would provide the venue for drinks parties and bbqs and everyone would bring their own food and drink, which suited people of all different budgets. We'd find deals for cinemas/restaurants, get free tickets to watch TV shows being filmed or find free places to visit.

Keeping up appearances doesn't work for good friends and family as you'll spend your time refusing invites and miss out on spending time with them. With other people it doesn't matter as much so just say you can't make it to their invites, unless it's just to go to the pub where you can avoid being in rounds by saying you're driving and only having a couple of cokes.

clairec79

I do just say I can't afford it, or can't justify it (which is probably closer to the truth) - someone in work was talking about arranging christmas night out (yes I know it's early) - £50-60 plus hotel or very expensive transport home, plus drinks. I've said I'm not going because spending £200 on a night out just for me is too much, especially when 3 of my kids have birthdays not long before christmas (serious bad timing)

You may also find that you saying no it's too expensive actually means others also say - I remember someone saying about everyone clubbing together for one persons birthday, I said I wasn't going to do it, one because money was tight and two because if we did it for one we had to do it for everyone, and we'd missed some birthdays recently - surprisingly enough everyone else who had agreed ended up agreeing with me