DM Article

onlyroz

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I think there are many women like this. Maybe not consciously, but they have no time or desire to be a wife once they are in the role of mother.

There is far more to being a wife than providing sexual pleasure to your husband.

Pollycat

onlyroz wrote: »

There are people on here who have got perilously close to the viewpoint that a man is entitled to have his way with his wife regardless of her feelings on the matter. You know there's a word for men who force themselves on women, don't you? (Note, it begins with R).


If I am utterly exhausted then all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep - and any suggestions to pursue more strenuous bedroom activities will be ignored. If people think that this is malicious or abusive then words fail me.

I would agree that you have every right to do that and to not expect your partner to attempt to force himself on you against your will i.e. rape you. (not sure why you didn't write it out).

But do you agree that if it's something that happens regularly, it should be discussed by both parties so that both know where they stand regarding a physical relationship?

Guest101

onlyroz wrote: »

There are people on here who have got perilously close to the viewpoint that a man is entitled to have his way with his wife regardless of her feelings on the matter. You know there's a word for men who force themselves on women, don't you? (Note, it begins with R).


If I am utterly exhausted then all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep - and any suggestions to pursue more strenuous bedroom activities will be ignored. If people think that this is malicious or abusive then words fail me.

In your opinion*.
From what I've seen there are people on here who haven't discriminated based on gender and talked about what makes a healthy and happy relationship. (by the way the same word applies to women who force themselves on men)


As I've said previously, there is no real difference between sex and any other expectation in a relationship and as long as both parties can veto aspects of the relationship which the other might 'expect' without repercussion then there should be no problem.

Guest101

onlyroz wrote: »

There is far more to being a wife than providing sexual pleasure to your husband.

Sure. And being gender neutral I'd say that part of being a spouse is being affectionate and caring towards your spouse.


The form which that takes is up to you.


but ultimately I don't think anyone who acts like the lady in the article in question can come running to anyone saying "I was the perfect wife, how could he do this" if he did stray down the line (and no that isn't condoning cheating, that's pointing out that the story is not black and white)

onlyroz

Guest101 wrote: »

Sure. And being gender neutral I'd say that part of being a spouse is being affectionate and caring towards your spouse.

The form which that takes is up to you.

I agree that if a relationship lacks any kind of affection then you have to question its future. But affection doesn't mean being forced into sex when you don't really want to.


If it never happens, and there's no medical reason for it, then this should be something that you discuss with your partner, and I can see that it might be a "deal breaker" in some circumstances. However, it should never be acceptable for one partner to demand sex from the other.

Guest101

onlyroz wrote: »

I agree that if a relationship lacks any kind of affection then you have to question its future. But affection doesn't mean being forced into sex when you don't really want to. - I agree.


If it never happens, and there's no medical reason for it, then this should be something that you discuss with your partner, and I can see that it might be a "deal breaker" in some circumstances. However, it should never be acceptable for one partner to demand sex from the other.

Ok so what is acceptable to 'demand' from your partner?


I would argue absolutely nothing is acceptable by the way, but interested to read your view

tea_lover

onlyroz wrote: »

I agree that if a relationship lacks any kind of affection then you have to question its future. But affection doesn't mean being forced into sex when you don't really want to.


If it never happens, and there's no medical reason for it, then this should be something that you discuss with your partner, and I can see that it might be a "deal breaker" in some circumstances. However, it should never be acceptable for one partner to demand sex from the other.

onlyroz wrote: »

I agree that if a relationship lacks any kind of affection then you have to question its future. But affection doesn't mean being forced into sex when you don't really want to.


If it never happens, and there's no medical reason for it, then this should be something that you discuss with your partner, and I can see that it might be a "deal breaker" in some circumstances. However, it should never be acceptable for one partner to demand sex from the other.

I don't think anyone's saying it is. People are saying that couples should communicate. No one should be forced to do anything against their will, whether that's have sex, visit their MIL or spend a Saturday in Ikea. However, in relationships there could well be an expectation that these things might happen - so if you don't want them to, it's only reasonable to have a chat about it.

Tropez

onlyroz wrote: »

There are people on here who have got perilously close to the viewpoint that a man is entitled to have his way with his wife regardless of her feelings on the matter. You know there's a word for men who force themselves on women, don't you? (Note, it begins with R).


If I am utterly exhausted then all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep - and any suggestions to pursue more strenuous bedroom activities will be ignored. If people think that this is malicious or abusive then words fail me.

I don't see it so much as an entitlement but I can see where some people are coming from.

My wife and I have sex at a particular regular frequency. There are days, sometimes even a week, when one (or even both!) of us aren't in the mood - illness, stress, tiredness. We're both of the belief that half-arsed sex isn't worth having. So the 'pattern' breaks for a bit. That's fine. No problem. If things get too tense down there, she's got a magic wand and I've got a hand.

But if suddenly the pattern not only breaks but changes to 'never' and there's no discussion about why, then it is a problem. I'm not about to force myself on her because that's just disgusting and while I will fully accept it is her body, not my personal plaything, I'd still want to know what's changed? Is it my fault? Did I say or do something? I mean, I'm a human being with feelings, after all (and so is she, of course) and it would be quite alarming if I thought that I'd hurt her in a way that she no longer wanted physical intimacy.

Now as for malicious... I think that's more a case of where someone withdraws sex to passive aggressivly assert control in a relationship. There could be many reasons for doing that, some being understandable - and some people actually engage in that in a 'playful' way as part of a kink - but with sex being so heavily linked to intimacy, love, acceptance etc. then it can also be used to be rather cruel.

onlyroz

Guest101 wrote: »

Ok so what is acceptable to 'demand' from your partner?

I would argue absolutely nothing is acceptable by the way, but interested to read your view

Fidelity perhaps?


There just seems to be a pervading attitude on this thread that it is somehow a wife's "duty" to pleasure her husband, along with the idea that men have uncontrollable urges that must be immediately met or they will stray away. I really thought that I was living in 2016, and not a few centuries back, but ho hum...

Petra_70

onlyroz wrote: »

There is far more to being a wife than providing sexual pleasure to your husband.

Very true.

mumps wrote: »

I'm surprised people are saying how good she looks. She is 26 the same age as my daughter, she looks years older than my daughter who is often mistaken for one of the sixth formers at the school where she teaches. Apart from anything else she has such a sour expression, I wonder when she last smiled?

Hmmmm, I said he was punching above his weight because she seems to look better than him, and seems to have made a lot more effort with her looks. However, I do agree that she doesn't look massively great; just well presented... And I am shocked that she is 26! I didn't realise. (I must have missed that when reading the article....) I thought she was about 38! :eek: