DM Article

onlyroz

Tropez wrote: »

But if suddenly the pattern not only breaks but changes to 'never' and there's no discussion about why, then it is a problem. I'm not about to force myself on her because that's just disgusting and while I will fully accept it is her body, not my personal plaything, I'd still want to know what's changed? Is it my fault? Did I say or do something? I mean, I'm a human being with feelings, after all (and so is she, of course) and it would be quite alarming if I thought that I'd hurt her in a way that she no longer wanted physical intimacy.

I think we all agree that communication is key in a successful relationship.

FBaby

The issue with one partner withholding sex is NEVER the lack of sexual intercourse taking place. The abuse comes from the person withholding it using the right to say no as to refuse to consider any compromise.

From my perspective, as a women who strongly believe it women's right to be an equal party in a relationship, I consider a wife withholding sex the same as a men withholding disposable income that he earns. It is his money, his right to not give any, but it is wrong in the concept of what marriage is all about.

It doesn't mean that he should be handing over his cash without any questions asked, or even the amount that his wife says she is owed, but he should agree to discuss how much his wife needs or if he believes there is no cash left after bills for her to go shopping, he should at least explain why and discuss how they can increase their income.

What I really dispise about this article is the sense of entitlement over her marital sexual conduct that the lady seems to think she has over her husband. Yes, it is her body, yes she doesn't have to force herself, and yes, she can say no whenever she wants, but she doesn't have a right to reign over the relationship and dictate how their love life should be because it should be all about her -lack of- needs over his.

Pollycat

Tropez wrote: »

But if suddenly the pattern not only breaks but changes to 'never' and there's no discussion about why, then it is a problem. I'm not about to force myself on her because that's just disgusting and while I will fully accept it is her body, not my personal plaything, I'd still want to know what's changed? Is it my fault? Did I say or do something? I mean, I'm a human being with feelings, after all (and so is she, of course) and it would be quite alarming if I thought that I'd hurt her in a way that she no longer wanted physical intimacy.

I agree 100% - but Nat Halfpenny (the author of the article) doesn't seem prepared to discuss it in any way with her husband.
And I think that's what most people think is wrong.

onlyroz wrote: »

There just seems to be a pervading attitude on this thread that it is somehow a wife's "duty" to pleasure her husband, along with the idea that men have uncontrollable urges that must be immediately met or they will stray away. I really thought that I was living in 2016, and not a few centuries back, but ho hum...

I really don't see that 'pervading attitude' throughout this thread.

I've certainly not expressed that opinion in my posts.

Tropez

Pollycat wrote: »

I agree 100% - but Nat Halfpenny (the author of the article) doesn't seem prepared to discuss it in any way with her husband.
And I think that's what most people think is wrong.

My post was more in response to the comments about men who think that sex with their wives can be demanded. I was trying to say (possibly poorly, I haven't been able to get a coffee today), that based on my current situation, I'd never demand it but if it stopped for a long time then I'd want to know what had changed.

Obviously, as you say, Nat doesn't want to discuss that side of things... which is indeed a bit of a crappy thing to do.

Gloomendoom

FBaby wrote: »

What I really dispise about this article is the sense of entitlement over her marital sexual conduct that the lady seems to think she has over her husband. Yes, it is her body, yes she doesn't have to force herself, and yes, she can say no whenever she wants, but she doesn't have a right to reign over the relationship and dictate how their love life should be because it should be all about her -lack of- needs over his.

I agree. She comes across as a very nasty piece of work.

Ames

Pollycat wrote: »

I would agree that you have every right to do that and to not expect your partner to attempt to force himself on you against your will i.e. rape you. (not sure why you didn't write it out).

But do you agree that if it's something that happens regularly, it should be discussed by both parties so that both know where they stand regarding a physical relationship?

FBaby wrote: »

The issue with one partner withholding sex is NEVER the lack of sexual intercourse taking place. The abuse comes from the person withholding it using the right to say no as to refuse to consider any compromise.

From my perspective, as a women who strongly believe it women's right to be an equal party in a relationship, I consider a wife withholding sex the same as a men withholding disposable income that he earns. It is his money, his right to not give any, but it is wrong in the concept of what marriage is all about.

It doesn't mean that he should be handing over his cash without any questions asked, or even the amount that his wife says she is owed, but he should agree to discuss how much his wife needs or if he believes there is no cash left after bills for her to go shopping, he should at least explain why and discuss how they can increase their income.

What I really dispise about this article is the sense of entitlement over her marital sexual conduct that the lady seems to think she has over her husband. Yes, it is her body, yes she doesn't have to force herself, and yes, she can say no whenever she wants, but she doesn't have a right to reign over the relationship and dictate how their love life should be because it should be all about her -lack of- needs over his.

I agree with these two posts.

There's a difference between someone not wanting sex and someone witholding sex.

Someone used the word 'malicious' before, which I think sums it up. Sex is an ideal thing to use for mind games and abuse, and whilst forcing it is often talked about, it can be used in other ways too.

mumps

Petra_70 wrote: »

However, I do agree that she doesn't look massively great; just well presented... And I am shocked that she is 26! I didn't realise. (I must have missed that when reading the article....) I thought she was about 38! :eek:

That's funny, I nearly said she looked about 38 to me! I know alot of 26 year old women, daughters friends, I can't think of one who looks as old as this woman. She is well presented but in a sort of middle aged way.

seven-day-weekend

onlyroz wrote: »

There is far more to being a wife than providing sexual pleasure to your husband.

I agree, but sex is usually part of it! At least if you chose not to bother, it should at least be discussed and agreed together,

Person_one

mumps wrote: »

That's funny, I nearly said she looked about 38 to me! I know alot of 26 year old women, daughters friends, I can't think of one who looks as old as this woman. She is well presented but in a sort of middle aged way.

Is it necessary to start laying into the woman's appearance?

The DM crew have probably slapped half a ton of ageing make up on her and instructed her to look miserable, and so what if she looks a bit old for her age anyway?

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

Is it necessary to start laying into the woman's appearance?

The DM crew have probably slapped half a ton of ageing make up on her and instructed her to look miserable, and so what if she looks a bit old for her age anyway?

Or his. .