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Gloomendoom

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

At the moment, she doesn't feel up to sex, so why should his needs come before hers.

And why should her needs come before his?

giddypenguin

Gloomendoom wrote: »

And why should her needs come before his?

He can deal with his needs on his own...

Guest101

giddypenguin wrote: »

He can deal with his needs on his own...

That's not the same as having ones physical, emotional and psychological needs met.

Georgiegirl256

Gloomendoom wrote: »

And why should her needs come before his?

Typical reply, and exactly what I thought you'd put. Whilst that is true in many ways, in this situation, he is (for want of a better term) up for it, and she isn't, due to tiredness, low libedo, PND etc, so you think she should just fake it and make an effort, even if she really doesn't want to?

He seems to be an understanding partner, who realises that as in all relationships there are ups and there are downs and that even thought things are tough at the moment, that hopefully, they won't always be like that.

Guest101

Person_one wrote: »

Is that only sex then?

There are loads of situations that leads to even very loving couples not having as much sex as they might have expected to have. Medical, social, psychological, logistical, etc. etc. Nobody has a god given right to get their end away on a regular basis.

I was considering this point for a while: I've concluded that I disagree.

You mentioned earlier 'bodily autonomy' - which is interesting as based upon that principles, everyone has the right to get their end away whenever they choose.

The argument you presented seemed to be ( and do correct me ) that one person in a relationship, person a in this case, cannot have a say over the body of person b.

Now in the context you used, that was to signify that person a cannot demand sexual gratification from person b.

putting aside the social condemnation of 'cheating', isn't that exactly what person a is doing by saying that person b cannot get sexual gratification wherever he or she wants?

Isn't bodily autonomy sidelined already at that point?

If it is, and we accept that one party has a say on what the other must not do, then logically they must also have a say on what they must do.

However if bodily autonomy stays 'in play' as you suggested, then by that very virtue everyone has the right to decide how they use their own body, which would of course entail a daily dose of 'getting your end away' if that is indeed their choice.

Is that a fair summation?

Guest101

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Typical reply, and exactly what I thought you'd put. Whilst that is true in many ways, in this situation, he is (for want of a better term) up for it, and she isn't, due to tiredness, low libedo, PND etc, so you think she should just fake it and make an effort, even if she really doesn't want to?

He seems to be an understanding partner, who realises that as in all relationships there are ups and there are downs and that even thought things are tough at the moment, that hopefully, they won't always be like that.

Just to play devils advocate:

In a relationship both parties do things they aren't really up for, for their oh.

I'm sure plenty of people can't think of anything worse than Christmas with the in laws. Yet they do it...

JIL

Instead of talking to the daily wail, perhaps their time would be better spent talking to someone who may be able to help them in their situation or maybe just try talking to each other?

Georgiegirl256

Guest101 wrote: »

Just to play devils advocate:

In a relationship both parties do things they aren't really up for, for their oh.

I'm sure plenty of people can't think of anything worse than Christmas with the in laws. Yet they do it...

True. Thing is, if my husband really didn't want to be intimate with me for whatever reason, but only did it because I wanted it and then he didn't really enjoy it, then that wouldn't make me happy. To me it'd be fake.

Gloomendoom

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Typical reply, and exactly what I thought you'd put. Whilst that is true in many ways, in this situation, he is (for want of a better term) up for it, and she isn't, due to tiredness, low libedo, PND etc, so you think she should just fake it and make an effort, even if she really doesn't want to?

I don't believe that she should fake it, no. Make an effort, yes. Even if it is only to try and understand what he is going through. Dismissing his feelings out of hand and urging other women in similar situations to do the same to their partners is just plain nasty.

He seems to be an understanding partner, who realises that as in all relationships there are ups and there are downs and that even thought things are tough at the moment, that hopefully, they won't always be like that.

He does, and all credit to him. He does need to lay off the pies though.

Georgiegirl256

Yes, actually that is very true. I did think the way she dismissed his feelings and the way she spoke about him in parts was quite harsh.

He does actually look like a different person now! Actually, she looks quite different too tbh.