Birth Mother Has Died

TBagpuss

Exactly. It was generous of him to follow her wishes during her lifetime when his chosing not to do so could have had an impact on her, but she is beyond being hurt or upset and it is reasonable for him to consider his own wishes, feelings and needs.

I do not think that her family take priority, save that I would see it as reasonable to allow for a period of mourning so that the news, if it is unexpected, does not come hard on the heels of her death.

On a practical level, OP has explained that birth mother did not hace an affair, she met her last partner long after the adoption and after a previous marriage (so he already knew that she had had previous relationships) so there is no questin of any 'betrayal' or anythin which would require forgiveness or apology.