Teenager from Hell

lulu_92

theoretica wrote: »

My understanding is that the level for qualifying as a young carer is very low, and a little help around the house with the stress of an ill parent may well count for some of the support offered - if she is interested.

This. Your daughter might feel like she needs the support, even if you don't think she does. The only person who can ultimately decide that is her.

I can't imagine how hard it would have been if my mum wasn't very well when she was a single parent. I imagine your daughter is feeling like she is getting it from all directions, what with coping with your illness, and the looming pressure of exams (which I didn't handle well, even without family trouble).

I wish you well both in your treatment and in working on the relationship with your daughter. It sounds like you both really need each other in this difficult time. Don't let the hardships break you apart and together you and your daughter can come out of this stronger than ever.

mumps

I have four, all now past the teens. I have found that at about 18 most of them seem to start turning back into human beings, I always found 15 or 16 was about the worst. Some teenagers are worse than others, one of mine was a horror but in all honesty he is probably the most reliable, responsible adult of the lot. It is going to be hard for her coping with A levels and no doubt worrying about you. If I was you I would let the dust settle and if she doesn't make the first move in a week or so then you need to. Has she got half term next week? She might feel less frazzled after a week off. Good luck with it all.

itsanne

Janetta wrote: »

I will shortly be having my final operation in my cancer journey which requires a little support around the house, we agree what needs to be done - for her to suddenly pipe up she's booked a day out

Janetta wrote: »

Dear All,


I am aware the help Macmillan give and my children don't carry out a carers role.

Hmm .... It's the run up to your daughter's A levels. She's agreed to be especially helpful after your op as there are things which need to be done. If one day out is an issue, as an outsider it's difficult to understand why you don't see her as having a carer's role at that time, even if it's not usually the case .....

Spirit_2

I was seriously ill during my daughters mid teen years. She was still a teen and could not see much beyond her own need. fast forward a couple of years and her bottled fears about my mortality came out in a bout of depression.

Time travel to her mid 20's and I am very sick again this time with life changing consequences, she shops, cleans, cooks, acts as a carer to me, dressing me , changing sanitary pads, cutting up my food , making me comfortable. She works fulltime, looks after pets and her horse, but has gone about everything with consideration and grace. As my rehab progresses she tells me how proud she is of me.

Not half as proud as I am of her.

I wish someone had told me that her teenage behaviour was quite normal, that she may have been an inconsiderate slob at that point in life, but the underpinning life lessons and family values were in there, she was just not yet of an age where they could come out.

Top tip, try to see the funny side, watch Kevin and Perry. It will seem like a documentary.

chiefie

It won't last - teenagers are under more pressure than ever. had some interesting times with my 5 but not when I've been ill,- so much admiration here from me - but stick with it and remember the feeling when you met her for the first time 😃

ERICS_MUM

Keep this thread ! If things get bad or worse you could ask your daughter to read it, I think it is well-balanced and not overly critical of her stance.

JethroUK

Struggled with your English
I got that she went to live with a relative
I also got that you could use some help
Didn't manage to follow how why she should want to return

Which probably explains everything
She doesn't respect you, she doesn't *have* to, she never will
You should get a house keeper instead

Janetta wrote: »

Hello to anyone who can advise,

I have a 17 year old with whom I have had to throw out ( gone to live wit my estranged ish mom get on in small doses )
Her behaviour is excellent towards her studies - but rude , obnoxious and selfish towards me only. September she is off to uni.
I will shortly be having my final operation in my cancer journey which requires a little support around the house, we agree what needs to be done - for her to suddenly pipe up she's booked a day out .... Fed up of constant rows, refusal to follow any instructions , tidy up, pop to shop, take advice, listen etc every little thing is battle ....
I feel so guilty and exhausted with it all. She will be 18 in 1 months time, and finishing her A levels.....
Any advice please, ???what would you do next ? I am a single parent ( no input from ex ever )
The reality are she wants a Kardashian life style with me on benefits.
My back story can be found in earlier posts.

please advise, can't believe I did this.
Is there anyone who has gone through this phase ? What did you do? I have tried talking to her, setting up chores lists, but the real problem is she wants to live at home but has no interest in what I say advice or feel.

Thanks for reading don't want to loose her as I know this is a crucial stage for our long term relationship.

emsywoo123

JethroUK wrote: »

Struggled with your English
I got that she went to live with a relative
I also got that you could use some help
Didn't manage to follow how why she should want to return

Which probably explains everything
She doesn't respect you, she doesn't *have* to, she never will
You should get a house keeper instead

Definition of irony.

paddyrg

Just a thought, post doesn't mention the presence of a father figure, so there's the added (probably suppressed/hidden) stress of 'everybody is leaving me in my hour of need' going on for her. By being bolshy she is still engaging with you (inappropriately) because she wants to engage with you.

JethroUK

Ill just quickly lose the knob

emsywoo123