Teenager from Hell

Poppie68

I've had 3 teenage girls and it all sounds like normal but fairly temporary behaviour, my girls though didn't have the fear of something happening to their mum...I think throwing her out may not of been the best thing to do but obviously it's all got to much for both of you. Your illness is most probably scaring her silly, has she had some help with dealing with it? You may find it would help if your Macmillan nurse spoke to her, she may need to open up about her fears and have a good cry.

FBaby

OP, I don't have any advice, but I can relate that my MIL kicked OH out of the house when he was 18 because of the way he was behaving. It was a huge shock for both of them, she felt terrible, he felt rejected and poorly treated but.... it did the trick. He learnt what it was like to look after himself and take some responsibilities. They didn't talk much for a few months, but then grew much closer. He has been a wonderful adult son, and he has always said that kicking him out was the best thing she could have done and that he will always be grateful that she had the guts to do so so he could learn about life.

Don't berate yourself and ignore the nasty messages. You did what you considered was right and most likely it was.

Callie22

bluenoseam wrote: »

I say this from the perspective of having been unfortunate enough to be in the position of being on the bad end of said disease but fortunate enough that I wasn't doing exams when my Dad had it. With all due respects, here's the skinny, exams can be resat, there are also a multitude of support networks in place for pupils going through this sort of situation. If requested the school should put in place the framework to deal with this situation 100%, it's in their best interests & the best interests of the pupil.

Not to defend the bad behaviour, but that kind of common sense won't be what she's getting from her school and her friends. I've got a few work colleagues whose children are currently sitting GCSEs and A-Levels and the amount of pressure they're being put under is ridiculous - they are being wound up to a stupid extent, making themselves ill over exams and being given the message that if they don't do well in their exams then it will be the END OF THE WORLD. Add to that the fact that teenagers aren't always the best at taking the long view. I can see how an already stressed teenager's behaviour might become really unbearable.

Given the OPs serious health issues I would be wary of doing anything that might make a child feel 'rejected' - i.e. being kicked out. I remember being a teenager and the times when I was at my most vile were usually the times I needed my mum the most.

Mrs_pbradley936

Nobody had worse teenagers than me! The good news is that they grow out of it which is not helping you much now and in the immediate future. I would suggest a large glass of wine but if you cannot drink then please know that you are far from alone.

Janetta

Here goes & thanks

Andypandyboy - thank you
Rosemary- will remember not to bother her when revising
Blu3sky- will now focus more so on practice task
Tea lover & pigpen thanks again
Poppie & Fbaby - seriously wanting this phase to end
Update
Sent

Lunar - yes I contact nan & used the text appreciated the time you took to do this. Told mom ( her man) the situation who said she should remain with her for at least a week so she appreciates what she has.
However on sending the text she came to the gym as I was leaving and apologised, she asked if she could come home as she had to leave out 6.30 catch two buses to 6 th form, there is no wifi, central heating is only on for a short while and there is no sky oh and the shower is cold. I said she should stay at her nans ..... I didn't give her lift back just said I will think about it
The truth be known I do want her home but not straight away and with strategis & meeting before hand .... Ps still wants her day out on the day I come out of hsp
You have all been fantastic forum advisors as usual.. Thank you raising teenagers is a nightmare....

Durban

She is the child and you are the adult. She has apologised. Just let her come home. I understand that it is stressful for you but this is also a very stressful time for her.
Please do not throw her out. I would imagine she feels rejected by her father and if you throw her out she will think she is being rejected by her mother also.

fairy_lights

Janetta wrote: »

However on sending the text she came to the gym as I was leaving and apologised, she asked if she could come home as she had to leave out 6.30 catch two buses to 6 th form, there is no wifi, central heating is only on for a short while and there is no sky oh and the shower is cold. I said she should stay at her nans ..... I didn't give her lift back just said I will think about it
The truth be known I do want her home but not straight away and with strategis & meeting before hand .... Ps still wants her day out on the day I come out of hsp

This is a bit contradictory - on the one hand you expect her to be at home to help you after your operation, but on the other you won't let her come home now, when she wants/needs to.

theoretica

Has anyone mentioned young carers to her? By asking her to do more chores than you would if you were healthy that is what you are asking her to be - and there are quite a number of support organisations that might be open to her. Even if all she needs is someone external and safe to vent at. I assume your nurses could help put her in touch.

Jackieboy

Janetta wrote: »

Here goes & thanks

Andypandyboy - thank you
Rosemary- will remember not to bother her when revising
Blu3sky- will now focus more so on practice task
Tea lover & pigpen thanks again
Poppie & Fbaby - seriously wanting this phase to end
Update
Sent

Lunar - yes I contact nan & used the text appreciated the time you took to do this. Told mom ( her man) the situation who said she should remain with her for at least a week so she appreciates what she has.
However on sending the text she came to the gym as I was leaving and apologised, she asked if she could come home as she had to leave out 6.30 catch two buses to 6 th form, there is no wifi, central heating is only on for a short while and there is no sky oh and the shower is cold. I said she should stay at her nans ..... I didn't give her lift back just said I will think about it
The truth be known I do want her home but not straight away and with strategis & meeting before hand .... Ps still wants her day out on the day I come out of hsp
You have all been fantastic forum advisors as usual.. Thank you raising teenagers is a nightmare....

She apologised but you won't let her come back home - what are you trying to achieve by that?

Savvy_Sue

I haven't had cancer, but I have had brain surgery, and I had teenagers at the time.

I didn't want to make the boys 'responsible' for me or my recovery, although I did need extra help afterwards.

I'm just thinking about the day out she wants: if it's been arranged with friends, it may not be that easy to re-arrange it. And in any case, what is it you actually need when you get home? All I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep.

Now, I didn't want to be on my own, but it really didn't matter who was there. Could your mum come and visit? Is there a friend who would meet you at the hospital and come home with you? This is something I'd talk to the MacMillan nurse about.