Teenager from Hell

Andypandyboy

Teenagers rarely apologise, they usually show they are sorry by their actions, an apology is quite a big climb down for a teenager. Having apologised and still not being allowed home will possibly be something that will stay with her for a long time. If you want her home, I would sort it out now.

As for the day out, such things take on massive importance in the lives of teenagers, they feel that they will be the odd one out if they are not there, that they will miss the gossip and be on the fringes of the group. I was reminded of this when my youngest who is quite a leader rather than a follower and who has never really given the impression he cares much for being part of the crowd, said he wouldn't be coming home from University at weekends that often as "he didn't want to be that guy" - the one who runs home every weekend and so misses out on the bonding with new friends. We completely understood that.

I think that in your shoes I would try and relax the rules around jobs around the house, sometimes there are just more important things in life, and I would see if I could ask my mother or friend to come over so that my daughter could go on the day out.

Parenting teens is about picking your battles! And believe me, I know that is easier said than done.

tea_lover

For her to show up in person, apologise and ask to come home is a huge step. I know it's not easy but throwing that back in her face must have really hurt. Not giving her a lift was childish imho. You're the adult here, but it seems like she's the one behaving like it.

Jagraf

Op - you are both under a huge amount of stress. I think her behaviour is fairly usual and A levels are very stressful. At the same time, you are going through lots of stress.

She needs to concentrate on her A levels, you need to concentrate on your illness and getting better. They are ultimately your own responsibilities. Then draw up a list of jobs you can share (and only those that have to be done).

Is there anyone else who can support you on your journey so that she can continue with her "teen spirit"?

Jagraf

Just looking at it from her perspective ...

Her mum is poorly
Her dad isn't there to help
Her mum doesn't speak to her nan (sounds like she loves both of you)
She has A levels during the next three months
She had to catch two buses to college
She's probably nervous about uni
She is a teen


She has a lot on her plate as well x

Can you make up with her nan and pull together?

tomtontom

Jagraf wrote: »

Just looking at it from her perspective ...

Her mum is poorly
Her dad isn't there to help
Her mum doesn't speak to her nan (sounds like she loves both of you)
She has A levels during the next three months
She had to catch two buses to college
She's probably nervous about uni
She is a teen


She has a lot on her plate as well x

Can you make up with her nan and pull together?

Excellent post. I was outwardly a nightmare teen, but inside I was going through hell and was later diagnosed with a mental health condition. That's not to say she should be allowed to get away with everything, but from what I've read she isn't anyway.

Let her come home OP, before you do damage that cannot be undone

Janetta

Dear All,

We had a met up today with nan and a one of her favourite aunts.
She will be returning home and honestly I hope she sticks to what's been discussed and agreed in terms of moving forward.
I am aware the help Macmillan give and my children don't carry out a carers role.
It was the first time we properly discussed everything and cleared the air --- her nan my mom was great with them both offering her the opportunit to chill out with them ( normally goes to nan)
I hope this phase passes quickly as we support her in her a levels and then university....
Thank you all, it's highly appreciated..

Jagraf

Good luck with everything - I hope you feel better soon x

Lots of luck to your daughter with her A levels and university too - what is she thinking of doing at uni?

Glad to hear she's coming home.

pelirocco

You haven't really thrown her out , she is living with your mum , so you know she's safe , shes not living on the streets .
Having had 4 teenagers I know what its like , and tbh one of them was still a nightmare into his twenty's. You have enough to contend with at the moment .
I think we baby our children far too long , I know my parents ( and their generation wouldnt have had any nonsense )

theoretica

Janetta wrote: »

I will shortly be having my final operation in my cancer journey which requires a little support around the house, we agree what needs to be done - for her to suddenly pipe up she's booked a day out .... Fed up of constant rows, refusal to follow any instructions , tidy up, pop to shop,

Janetta wrote: »

...my children don't carry out a carers role.

My understanding is that the level for qualifying as a young carer is very low, and a little help around the house with the stress of an ill parent may well count for some of the support offered - if she is interested.

SingleSue

I didn't realise just how much care my middle son did for me until he went to university. I would not have said he was my carer or that he had a need to visit a carers group at the time but life has been more awkward/difficult since he has gone.

I have so far had two go though A levels (one more to go, he is halfway through) and both became quite stroppy in the lead up to the exams, sometimes over the silliest of things, it is a stressful time for them. On top of that, a parent dealing with an illness or disability is an extra stress for them, even if they seem to be handling it outwardly.

This time last year, it was stress out city in our house...this year all is calm but this time next year, woah, back to stress out city again I feel, I'll have one in the final year of A levels and one in the final year of university!