Am I a terrible person?

heuchera

Exactly.. and how do they know how much you've got in your account anyway? I certainly have no idea what my family members have in their bank accounts, nor they mine.

TBagpuss

You are not a horrible person, and as others have said, it's not good, either for your relationship with your family, or for their finances to be constantly bailing them out.

I think it's entirely reasonable to tell them "I'm not comfortable lending you more as you haven't paid back previous loans"

Its also fine to say to them that you are starting to feel that they are taking you for granted, and that for the sake of your relationship, you'd prefer to keep money out of your relationship all together.

It's also OK to say "sorry, I/we don't have any spare cash at the moment" - don't explain too much. (You don't need to lie - it's the truth - you *don't* have money to spare. Not because you have no money, but because the money you have is earmarked for other things. But that is none of their business.)

Kaye1

The thing is, several or even tens of thousands isn't really that much (bear me out!)

We had a healthy lump saved for a deposit- then my husband was made redundant and our daughter was born 2 months early. The deposit was a lifesaver but it flowed out of the account like water..... driving 40 miles a day to sit in a hospital and car park charges cost us a fortune.
On top of that, he then couldn't search for a job as our daughter was so very poorly.

Life has a way of biting you on the bum- so while your kindness is commendable, you need to ensure you have enough money to look after yourself.

SuzieSue

Stop lending them money. If they are evicted, do not let them move in with you as they will never leave.

If you have to detach yourself from them then that is what you have to do as otherwise they will end up bleeding you dry.

If you do not put a stop to this now, it will never stop.

VfM4meplse

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

'Eff off, it doesn't say 'Bank of Robot' over the front door'.

Would you really say that to a family member? Seems we live in different worlds :whistle:

Primrose

I think your siblings need to start taking responsibility for themselves and you have to toughen up and be honest with them that their taking the easy option of relying constantly on you is not good for them. Try and encourage them to try and improve their education and skill bases so that they too can improve their own positions

And from now on keep your personal financial information to yourself. If you ever marry, any potential partner would take a pretty dim view of part of his family finances being in the public family domain and this could cause a lot of resentment between you so change this habit now so that your siblings get used to the new regime.

pollypenny

OP, your siblings are really taking advantage and showing you little respect.

You have to ask when existing loans are going to be paid. Repeat this and make clear that they have to be financially responsible.

Loz01

Cut the money lending off now OP or it'll build up and up and up.

You say you've probably given them 3 grand up til now but what about in 2/5/10 years? It'll be tens of thousands!! Next time they ask just say "No. Im sorry but Ive lent you all so much and no one repays me. Im not a bank and it isn't fair to ask me. Budget your wages better."

Or direct them to the MSE SOA!! You shouldnt have to worry about bank rolling other people, even if they are siblings, thats not your job.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Would you really say that to a family member? Seems we live in different worlds :whistle:

Depends on the type of family somebody has - which was why I gave three different styles of response to choose from.

(in the case of the family I knew who were prone to these Great Disasters which meant that, after fags, beer and drugs, it was impossible to meet the rent or buy food for the children - and would angrily insist that FAAAAAAMILY meant the one member with some money was morally obliged to pay for everything - that would have been the only response that they understood).

theoretica

I suggest you get your own finances in orderby working out how much you have lent/given, and to which sibling and who has paid what back. Then you might decide to make it even between them, or might not.

You could put your savings into fixed term accounts if it would help protect them from your siblings' poor budgeting.